What do you think about young women who have several children by before they are 21?

Question

My friend's sister is 24 and she has 5 children. She married a marine and says none of her children were planned.

Okay, I can see how someone might have one "accident" but how do you have so many unplanned pregnancies?

I have been with my husband since I was 18 and had sex for the first time at 19. I have been having sex for 4 years and using birth control pills and condoms consistently and properly and never once have I even thought I was pregnant.

I am not perfect, but how the hell do these women have so many "mistakes"?!?!

No birth control is 100% accurate but if you are using them responsibly, you should not have multiple unplanned babies!!

What do you think?

Oh and before you bash my marine comment, I live a 1/2 a mile from a marine base and this is how it usually works where I live. Girls marry marines and have multiple children. Its nearly a "lifestyle" here.

And before you bash me I’d like to add this: My mother had two children before she was 22 years old. And she admits now she should have waited and is shocked when she sees other girls make the same mistake. She loves me and my brother but I know she wished she had done more in life before having a child at 19.

Answer 1

I would agree. If you are truly using methods to prevent pregnancy correctly, you shouldn't have multiple unplanned births. I can understand having one accident, but I don't see how you could have five accidents. Maybe she just meant they weren't planning on trying to conceive, but it just happened. Maybe she wasn't trying to prevent it, but just thought if it happened it would be ok.

Answer 2

I think it's the military thing. Especially with the war going on. I live in Colorado Springs (if you don't know has 1 army base 2 air force bases and the air force academy) this whole community is military. I see so many young women carrying around so many kids. They can say that the pregnancy is unplanned all they want but the truth is if they are not taking the pill and/or using a rubber than they are not doing anything to prevent it and thats not a mistake.
I will say this: at least they are stable and having babies as opposed to being single teen moms.
I am not perfect either. I am 19, and expecting my first, but there will be no more babies for me before I am 21 thats for sure!

Answer 3

She said that none of her children were 'planned'..she did not say they were 'mistakes'. If the girl is mature enough and has the resources to feed and care for her children then what difference does it make if she is 19 or 35?
We were put on this earth to procreate,that is what puberty is all about. It doesnt matter how many liberals run around telling us to wait until our 30's when we have careers set and are financially stable..our bodies are screaming at us from age 12 or 13 to hurry and make babies while the eggs are still good.
I do think your friend may have bitten off more than she can chew with five littlies..but then she has found a life partner who is working and, if she is coping well, then who are we to judge?
We all know about the young marrieds in the military..but it is the guys themselves who, sick of being posted to places where they know nobody, choose to marry at 19 or 20 so they have a little family to follow them from posting to posting. Someone to come home to after exercises.
We all get to make our own choices. You don't want kids til you are ready, your sister's friend doesn't want to take precautions..she obviously knows the consequences of having a child and the work that entails.
So who is right? Both of you.

Answer 4

I am 19, and have one child who is 12months and am 4 months pregnant with the next. The first pregnancy was a surprise, but this one was completely planned... I am married to the baby's daddy, and we live in a wonderful home and he has a great job. I don't think that you have any right to judge this woman on her 'mistakes' when you probably don't know anything about the whole situation. Some women are just more prone to getting pregnant than others, and whether you're on birth control or not, it still happens. So stop living in your perfect world...you might find one day that you are unable to have children, then you would be wishing so much for that 'mistake' you keep on going on about...
Get a life

Answer 5

Well, I may not know the details of the lifestyle and family situation, but could it be that may be she wanted to be pregnant. There are some women out there who just enjoy being pregnant, getting the "mommy" attention and you can't do much about that. But, maybe you should recommend that your sister get her tubes tied before she has another baby. Another factor could be, as you mentioned, that it is a part of a lifestyle. This means she is just doing what everyone else is doing. If it is a lifestyle to be pregnant while your husband is away and then surprise him with another baby, you really can't stop that kind of thinking and lifestyle, all you can do is recommend that she stop having children. Yet, also keep in mind, no one can dictate how many children a woman can have, if she wants to 10 kids, she is fully entitled to it, but she also needs to have the means to provide for all her kids. If she doesn't want to have children and still keeps getting pregnant, then maybe she should look into other methods of birth control.

Answer 6

BECCA first off, I'm a military wife and mother of 2. I've always wanted a big family but just had my tubes tied because i decided that 2 was enough. would you like to give a better answer. BELIEVE ME, MILITARY BENEFITS ARE NOT THAT GREAT. stop bashing people in the military.hear are some facts to keep in mind, military pays for no more than 4 children dependents, you can only get a1- 4 room military base housing.
i do agree with you though, i don't see how someone can make that many so called mistakes. my cousin had 4 kids by the time she was 22 and i told her i thought it was pretty sad that she couldn't go and get free birth control and condoms from the health dept.

a military wife and mother of 2

Answer 7

I think you need to mind your own business. How many children a couple wants to have not your issue. They are married, and because he is in the military, their children will be well taken care of (health care, childcare, housing, etc). Perhaps they have personal or religious reasons for not using birth control. Maybe they want a large family. I know people that have 11 children. I would never plan on that many, but good for them. Stop spending so much time worried about how everyone else is living their lives and worry about your own. By the way, while their children may not have been planned, I'm sure they do not consider them "mistakes"

Answer 8

First thing, children are NOT "mistakes." I'm 20 with 2 daughters and both were unplanned. I'm still with their father and we're getting married in 6 months. My oldest daughter was conceived while I was using the patch as birth control. There's really not much to it. I'd been using it properly but I still got pregnant. With my youngest, I got pregnant while using the Nuva ring. I used that properly as well but got pregnant once again. I changed the patches and the rings as I was supposed to with my kids. I was also pregnant once before I had my oldest by the same man. We were using condoms. I miscarried that child. My children are NOT mistakes, they were surprises. My fiance and I have never used welfare, it's always been him working or both of us working. We got an apartment together 2 months after I found out I was pregnant. I don't see why it's anyone's business how many children we have as long as they are taken care of. After having my youngest, I went to my doctor and had an IUD inserted because it's the most effective birth control besides tubal litigation and abstinence. I haven't gotten pregnant since getting my IUD. My doctor knows my kids were conceived on birth control, I know, my fiance does, and so does both our families. I'm happy with our children and I don't regret any of it. My fiance was told by a doctor that he has a VERY high sperm count, I was told by my doctor that I am very fertile.

By the way, neither my fiance or I are military

Answer 9

It seems to me that women have so many unplanned children because they can get Medicade and Welfare. They don't worry about supporting the children. If they have an other unplanned pregnancy someone else will support their child for them. They should remember that the Health Clinic gives out FREE Condoms.

Answer 10

I think it comes from a lack of proper information on the subject. Either she knows about birth control and doesn't care to use it or doesn't know enough about the subject.

It could also be that some women are fertile to the point where the calculated risk for pregnancy is even higher. That still doesn't account for all the "mistakes" however.

Answer 11

I don't know how you can have so many accidents. If I even had ONE accident, I'd be using so much more protection it would be ridiculous. I don't think it would be a very good thing to have so many children so young, I don't want even one kid until I'm like 27. I know a girl who is 19 and has 2 kids. I wouldn't do that, it must be hard on her. I'd rather live my life and then have babies rather than have babies and forget my own life and then someday realize I'm really unhappy. Maybe they just don't care? Maybe she figured, if I have kids great, but I won't try. Whatever happens happens... I definitely don't share that attitude but that doesn't matter.