My hubby won't celebrate our anniversary?

Question

We have been married 6 yrs. In the beginning he bought extravagant gifts and all the affection in the world was showered on me, now we sleep in seperate rooms, never kiss passionately, never say i love you, To make a long story short there is no intamacy in the marriage. I love him and want our marriage to work but i am starving for affection. In his defense he does work 2 jobs to support me and our daughter. Our anniversary just passed and when I brought it up to him he told me that I just don't get it he doesn't see the big deal. Then he had an attitude with me the whole day. I am confused, I feel as if he is not happy in the marriage, yet he says that he is. I have talked to him over and over about how distant we are from one another and it seems to go in one ear and out the other. hhheelllp

Answer 1

There is a great book the 2 of you should sit down and read...
HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS by Willard F. Harley Jr.

The 2 of you will thank me. Make the time for each other to work thru this.

Answer 2

First... look at yourself. It's fine to voice your concerns, but don't hound him. Men hate that. Secondly, do NOT feel bad... my husband hardly ever gives me any presents at all. He's just not the sort. But he'll rub my back in a heartbeat if I ask. So think about it... is he doing OTHER things to show appreciation? If not, is he COMPLETELY uncaring (a sign of an affair) - changing his routine - working out - staying out late - weird phone calls - myterious numbers on slips of paper without names, etc.? If not, then he may just be bored... get creative. Ask him to go to a bar with you... I asked my husband to go to one that had karaoke. Then I shocked the heck out of him by getting on stage. The next thing you know, we're both up there singing "Picture" and my hubby HATES crowds and CAN'T sing. What's more... he didn't even have a full beer in him. That's just MY example. Find something that will work for the two of you. If NOTHING works despite your best efforts, seek marriage counseling. If he refuses, go it alone & get a counselor's advice. Do what you can to be an examplary wife. There's a story I heard in church not too long ago about a woman who went to a divorce lawyer & told the attorney that she didn't just want a divorce... she wanted her husband to hurt as much as she did. So the lawyer told her to go home, be the best wife she could be... making his meals, keeping house, drawing him baths when he came home from work, keeping the kids occupied while he relaxed, not complaining, etc... then after one month, come back to the office & file the papers. He'll never know what hit him! Well, about a month and a half past & the attorney didn't hear from her, so he called her to see what was going on. She said "Oh, it's the most amazing thing. I did just like you said... everything you said, and you know what? My husband started taking me out places, saying he loved me, being sweet ALL the time. Thanks for the advice!" By the way, that was supposedly based on a true story about a couple the speaker knew. So the same might hold true for you... never lose hope!

Answer 3

It seems to me that he has other outside interests and he is probably working to provide your family; but money is not all that matters in a relationship. You need to tell him that if he wants something that you cannot provide him, then he needs to tell you so that you can work something out or at least try to make things better. I cannot be for sure but sounds like he gets his loving from somewhere else. After 6 years my husband and I still hold each other and kiss everyday, there was a time when we weren't interested in each other but it was because we both let our feelings for each other drift away into someone Else's arms, it took a very long time to work things out, of course I had to leave him for 6 months before he realized how important I was to him, and how important he was to me too. Bottom line, TALK to him even if it is uncomfortable, that is the only way to know for sure what is going on with him.

Answer 4

Just last year my husband and I hit a rough patch. We were experiencing some tough times: I was desperately needing counseling for PTSD, having been sexually abused by my father as a teen. He has been very supportive, although it really hit him hard. I was just not showing him enough attention he needed.
It took some drastic measures, as well as medicine and therapy, but life is getting better. We were almost splitsville, after nine years of marriage and I wasn't about to give up on myself or him.
Sometimes you have to go back to the beginning and think of things you once did for each other, and RELIVE THEM.
Make time for each other, get a sitter for an evening, and just get to know one another again. As for the seperate bedrooms-surprise him one night by getting dressed up (or undressed)
and making a "night call". There are all sorts of ways to bring romance back.
You don't have to get extravagant gifts, don't get me wrong, for they are nice, but a bunch of handpicked flowers are great.

Answer 5

i have being married almost 9 yrs in nov of this year and after all the time i have being married i have only got one thing for my anniversary so plz do not feel bad . but him sleeping in a different bed maybe he do not want u no more and just scared to tell u

Answer 6

when my fiance and i first got together he was similar to that. i did not receive gifts and if i did it was stuff that did not amount to nothing and he would say since this cost so much we are going to make it for 3 holidays just ignorant stuff. the way i broke him from doing that and actually buying me gifts is i told him that i thought he was the most amazing person in my life and that although times were tough and money was short i knew i could always count on him for the important things and the special things and every since then i have received gifts for every holiday. you have to play a little quilt trip on them every now and again. they do it to us so we can do it back.

Answer 7

I'll tell you the best thing we ever did for our marriage. Even though we weren't regular church attenders, I called the counseling section, and they referred me to a marriage counselor. If you're in Georgia, let me know, and I'll send you to him. He's amazing though. And I'm sure your husband might balk at going to see a counselor, but just make sure you tell him how important it is to you.

You might also want to think about getting a job part-time so he feels like you're helping out, or sneaking into his bedroom to snuggle at night. It's the little things, you know?

ALSO--MOST IMPORTANTLY--get "The Five Love Languages". It's a book that helps you figure out how you feel loved, and how your partner feels loved, and how to relate to that. For example, my love language is physical touch. My husbands' is words of affirmation. For me to feel loved, he has to hug me, rub my back, etc., and for him to feel loved, I have to encourage and affirm him a lot. The book really explains the five different ways--it helps so much. Good luck, girl. please email me at [e-mail] if you need to talk.

Answer 8

he has let the relationship get old...that's what happens when you are married...need to get his attion someone...threaten him with divorce and say if things don't change then you are leaving. tell him to learn how to appreciate what he has. marriage is like a flower. u have to water it to keep it growing

Answer 9

TO PUT IT TO YOU BLUNTLY-THE HONEYMOON IS OVER.
WORKING TWO JOBS IS NO EXCUSE FOR SEPARATE SLEEPING QUARTERS.
THERE IS A POSSIBILITY, YOU WERE ONCE HIS TROPHY. DEPENDING ON YOUR METABOLISM, YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE MAY HAVE CHANGED. OR, BABY HAS ARRIVED AND THE ATTENTION HAS BEEN DIVERTED FROM DOTING WIFE TO NURTURING MOTHER.
I SUGGEST YOU PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE INEVITABLE. GOOD LUCK.