My husband said that since he has no child with me and that all my own girls do not respect him and will not certainly look after him when he is old are good enough reasons for adopting kids together. I do not agree with his reasoning but at the same time I do not want to lose him. He has been married twice before and have 2 kids who are not close to him. Any advice on this...he said that if his wish was not agreed by me he may find other solution to get the kids..divorce me..marry someone else??? I am so depress and unhappy
2006-06-29 12:20:14 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Oh my sweetie .... this is a hard one.
But ... are you willing to have or adopt a child as a means to keeping your husband? Is that fair to the child? No, that is NO reason to adopt, or to give birth either!
I am guessing HE is the problem .. if he has two kids he is not close to, and your children don't respect him, then there is something about HIM behind this, and adding another child isn't going to change that!!
Let him go. Perhaps all he married you for was this. I don't know. But don't be manipulated, that is not love, and you deserve better than this!!!
Of course it hurts, you love him ... you don't want to lose him ... but just how much are you willing to sacrifice for someone who obviously doesn;t care about you?
(((((hugs)))))
I wish you well.
2006-06-29 12:26:42 · answer #1 · answered by Pichi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am an adoptive mother and a step-parent.
After reading your question, I think there is more to this than space allowed you to elaborate on.
1) I'm sorry you are depressed and unhappy.
2)You said "that all my own girls do not respect him and will not certainly look after him when he is old". Why do they not respect him? Is it that he has not been good to them and therefore DOES NOT DESERVE respect? or is he good to them and you as their parent have not REQUIRED them to respect your husband?
3) You said he feels those "are good enough reasons for adopting kids together. I do not agree with his reasoning". You are 100% correct in NOT agreeing with his reasoning. Children whether biological or adopted should be brought into the family for no other reason than because you want to (and are able at that point in life) to be parents. As millions of kids can attest, conceceptions and adoptions for other reasons lead to misery.
4) You say " He has been married twice before and have 2 kids who are not close to him" Once again is this due to meddling ex-wives or other things he can't help or is it his fault?
5)You said he "said that if his wish was not agreed by me he may find other solution to get the kids..divorce me..marry someone else"
So he's saying his relationship with you has no value other than you providing him with someone to look after him when he's old? Does he honestly, seriously mean that? If so, let him go. You deserve someone who values you. If not, he needs to be more honest and start saying what his real issues with the relationship are.
Best wishes and God bless
2006-07-01 08:34:40 · answer #2 · answered by cstoa10 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow!!! It doesn't sound like much of a marriage to me at all. Get clear on what you're saying here. It's almost if you need to read your question to yourself. They answers are in front of you. He is disrespectful to you. There are serious problems with his first two attempts at being a father, your children don't care for him. I'm sure there are valid reasons for this. Give this guy his wish and help him pack his bags. Wish him luck in his next "disfunctional" relationship and even more luck "trying" to adopt. Don't think they won't look into his other relationships of his other children... The guy is pathetic.
2006-06-29 12:39:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There Are Alot Of Reason To Adopt And Alot Of Reasons To Not Adopt. You Should Think About It.Before You Will Be Sorry Not That You Will.
2006-06-29 12:26:14 · answer #4 · answered by mks 7-15-02 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think thata a good reason to adopt kids just so they can take care of you when you get old If he's that stubborn about unfortunatley I'd let him go. He has children of his own why doesn't he just try and repair those relationships. That would be much easier.
2006-06-29 12:26:27 · answer #5 · answered by Big Buddha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if that's the way he feels then you don't need him..but at the same time..it's up to you to make your girl's respect their stepfather... he is helping provide from them and he does deserve their respect. But to have someone that will look after him when he's old is not a good reason to adopt. ..it's a selfish reason.
2006-06-29 12:24:41 · answer #6 · answered by miss_chrissy_dawn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell that husband of your to go to hell because you should love children unconditionally. all children whether gods or satans
based on god=g+o+d=7+15+4=26=2+6=8=h
then god as h is first and god jehovah as e is second in heaven. and jesus christ as g ain't their at all.
and h put the 1000 year seal on satan as M.
M=IVI stitched together
and satan is in heaven too.
poor jesus was a fool, but some other angel liked HIM cause he opposed the I AM.
and tell that husband of your look after himself when he is old.
2006-06-29 12:24:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him leave. Obvioulsy he is not a good father or his own kids and yours would have a higher opinion of him and want a relationship with him. Why have another kid who doesnt like dad?
2006-06-29 12:25:46 · answer #8 · answered by Fee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your responsibility is to your children. Dump the guy and then focus all your attention on your children. They are the important ones, and he will just alienate you from them. Wait until they are older before dating again.
2006-06-29 12:25:56 · answer #9 · answered by BadBoyHuck 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Carefully think about adopting before you do
2006-06-29 12:23:52 · answer #10 · answered by Leslie N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋