My cousin is having her second daughter in 2 years, I just got an invite in the mail. I feel used!?

Question

I thought it was tacky to have more than one shower and expect gifts?

I feel obligated to send her a gift card to a baby store now and I just bought her baby girl stuff two years ago. (I am sending her a gift anyway since I care about her and don't want to hurt her feelings.)

Shouldn't she have nearly everything she needs for her second daughter? I almost feel like she is taking advantage of everyone.

She is 21 and having her second baby and doesn't have any schooling and doesn't have a good job. (I am not being mean). So her and her husband don't have a lot of money, but I kind of wonder what are we suppose to buy her when she should have all her baby stuff still.

She didn't give her stuff away, she told me this.

And the invite doesn't say "no gifts" or "diaper party" or anything like that.

Her mother told me it was a gift shower. Am I just being a snob?

I have a problem with women who have children and expect other people to buy crap for their kid. You can have a shower and not asked for gifts. She does have all the basics and if she cannot afford clothes or bottles than she shouldn't be having children.

You don't have a baby and expect other people to pay for it! Period.

Answer 1

every baby is entitled to its own welcome party

if you don't feel she needs a big gift don't buy one! if you just want to give a pack of diapers or a small gift do so.

Answer 2

Look, stop being a whiny little brat.. so what?? she's having another child.. BE HAPPY FOR HER!! Everyone usually wants to SHARE the joy with all the family and friends when they are pregnant.. that doesn't mean she is asking for hand outs. If thats the case, your implying no one should send out graduation, wedding, or any other kind of announcements.. which is crazy!! She is just excited about having another child and wants to share it with the people she loves (YOU included). Instead of complianing, you should feel special that you are one of the people she cares enough about to share this amazing time with!! And she's probably not throwing the shower for herself, friends and family are doing it for her and her child!!

And yes, she probably still has the things left over from her first child, and yes she will probably use some of the stuff over to save money. But doesn't the second child deserve the special gifts just like her big sister?! Of course!!

And even though your cousin and her husband doesn't have alot of money, if it was your shower and your new baby, I'm sure she would be more than willing to buy your baby a gift and celebrate for you as well.. so stop being jealous and remember this is a time of celebration and love.. Don't let your sour attitude overshadow her time of joy!!

Answer 3

Yes, I do think you are being a snob, sorry!

I think that even if she already has stuff from her last child, she may still need more things. Baby stuff doesn't last forever! There's also a lot of stuff you can't use for more than 1 baby i.e. mattress, bassinett, boys clothes on a girl, pacifiers etc. There's also the little stuff that runs out; diapers, baby shampoos and panadol etc. I also think that as her first daughter is only two years old, she will still be using some of the stuff she got in her baby shower; i.e. stroller.

I also think that just because this baby will be born after the first one, it doesn't mean that friends and family can't gather to celebrate the creation of new life. I'd be really hurt and offended if a family member of mine thought that the only reason I wanted them there is for gifts, and they didn't even aknowledge the fact that I was excited about this new life, and cared enough about them to share it with them. They aren't even really gifts for your cousin, they are gifts for her baby. I do not think she is taking advantage of everyone!

Also, I have to add that it takes a LOT of money to set up for a baby. More than it seems. You mentioned that they don't have a lot of money, I think it would be a kind gesture for you to want to help them out, rather than act a bit snobby, and feel obliged to help them out. $50 here and there makes a BIG difference.

Answer 4

I think you are kind of being a snob...I mean she isnt the one planning the shower for herself right? So perhaps her family is excited about the new additon and wants to celebrate. Why dont you talk to your cousin and ask her what gear she has still and what she needs. Did she register somewhere? Is it a surprise shower?
I had my first daughter 6 years ago and I just had my second one my family threw me a shower and I have alot of things from my first...but it was still nice to get together and celebrate...it is a great way to give mom a pick me up during pregnancy and get the mom feeling good towards the end.
I am kind of surprised that you would be upset about having to buy 2 baby gifts in 2 years? If anything you dont have to get a big gift you could get a nice album or keepsake...perhaps that what kind of stuff they were thinking of...all I really needed way layette stuff (becasue really every baby should have thier own new born clothes), diapers, wipes, lotions, shampoos, giftcards and keepsakes.
Im gonna go ahead and guess that you dont have any children right....usually the people who complain about stuff like this are people who have never been in the situation and know nothing about it.... maybe you should talk to your cousin and see where her head is at or perhaps dont even go (it is kind of fake of you to go to a party that you dont even feel she deserves to have)

Answer 5

if you feel used but still want to get something for the baby go ahead and get the baby diapers, baby wipes, bottle cleaners (they don't last long) baby soap, things like that that she may not have or you know she doesn't have. but your right, if she has already had a baby shower and excepted gifts then she shouldn't be excepting gifts at this one. the only time Ive gone to a baby shower for the same person is when they had a fire with there second pregnancy and lost everything that they had, and it was held as a surprise for them.

mommy of 2

Answer 6

I am going to agree with you girl! It is kinda tacky, she should have everything left over from the first baby. Besides diapers and if the sex is different clothes what does she need. If she can not afford that stuff then why the heck is she having another kid??

Now if there was a huge gap in age of the kids I would say it's ok. Like i have a 5 year gap and had NOTHING left over so my friends threw me another shower...and to be honest I felt weird about that.

But 2 years nope...it is way outta protcol.

Answer 7

I think you're being a b i t c h. Why can't you be happy for you cousin and her husband??? There is nothing wrong with throwing a second baby shower, even if the children will have 2 years difference. If kids are born at different times of the year, then they are going to need different sized clothes for summer and winter. Not everything can be reused....I think that you are just jealous that she has a reason to celebrate something joyous in her life....stop being a cow and wake up to yourself

Answer 8

Gifts are something that should be given without obligation. It is sad that you feel taken advantage of. Your cousin has chosen to have her children close together, if you care, there are lots of stuff that are still needed even if the second child is the same sex as the first:: toiletries (talc, lotion, baby shampoo, etc) and it is nice to have something new for a new baby anyway. My ex mother-in-law had 11 children, 7 girls in a row, and she managed to have new outfits for each new baby, on a small income.
Would you feel any different if you didnt know the sex of the new baby?

Answer 9

You are being a total snobby b*tch.
Obviously you don't care about her and not spending the money is more important to you because you feel "obligated" when you should be happy for her. Not only that but you feel the need to say she doesn't have a lot of money. So how is that any of your bussiness?
I bet if you told her how you really felt she wouldn't even want your stupid giftcard or to have you @ the shower. Hell if I was her I would be embarassed to say you were related to me.
I don't think it's fair for you to judge her finacial situation. I also don't think it's fair for it to be okay to have a shower for baby #1 but not for the second baby.
You are rude. I hope if you have a baby nobody gets you anything!
God forbid you have 2 kids..
eh i hate people like you.

Answer 10

I'm pregnant with my second baby and I'm not having a shower. If we decide to celebrate..we'll go out to dinner with family and close friends or something. Even if the baby is a different sex...I'm not having another shower. I was under the impression you just don't do that unless your kids are like 10 years apart and you obviously don't have baby things anymore. But I donno...some people on here seem to think it's perfectly normal..it's a tough call.

Answer 11

It is incredibly tacky. The only reason a woman should have more than one baby shower is if she has a "change of life" baby (middle aged, wasn't planned, all baby stuff from previous baby [who is now a grown adult!] is long gone).

I think in your cousin's case, considering the state of her situation, she's looking for handouts. Probably the same reason so many people insist on inviting their friends to their childrens' weddings...wants more gifts/money. It's tacky, rude, and I think Emily Post would roll over in her grave!

You should write in to Dear Abby. (Seriously)