Should I leave or stay in my marriage?

Question

I am so tired of trying to work it out and I want to leave my marriage of 5 years. Now that I told him I am leaving, he is doing what he can to show me he is willing to work it out. But I don't want to give it a try and find out in 10years and realize I should have just left. I still love him but I have no hope if our problems will be solved. How do I know he will be back to where he was before after trying for a little while?

Answer 1

he will go back to the same old stuff once you agree to stay, unless you resolve the underlying problem and if the problem is a behavior thing of his you arent going to change it. sounds like you are done and when that happens there is no going back. look if the guy really cared about the marriage he would've changed things when you said you were unhappy instead of waiting until you said i'm leaving. do you really want to spend your life with your bags packed because thats the only thing that gets through to him? yes you said better or worse, but sometimes it just isn't worth it. only you can decide that, to me it sounds as if you already have. if you've already given him 100 chances to step up to the plate he obviously isn't going to and 100 more won't be enough either. good luck to you, things will work out!

Answer 2

The key statement in you question is........" I STILL LOVE HIM"....
well let that love carry you in this great time of challenge! Never
carry out a no hope attitude.....BUT if he is physically abusing you
it is a right for you to seek every protection from him. There are laws to protect you. You say "he is willing to work it out" give him
a chance.......and maybe 10 yrs from now you'll be blessed that
you never gave divorce a chance. I'm hoping there's not some-
one else involved that would influence you to leave. Remember........"A successful marriage is falling in love as many times with the same person." I'll be praying for you that God will revive and refresh your love for one another...... today and everyday of your lives. Tell you husband this........and you yourself listen also:
1.) Love is not just finding the right person, it's being or becoming the right person.
2.) True love begins after the marriage and not before the
marriage.
3.) Never end what God isn't finish yet.

Answer 3

I went through the same thing with my ex-boyfriend (didn't get married -thank god- but were together for 6 years and actually engaged for one). I think I know exactly how tiered you feel. I split up with him 2 years ago and I am still tired of making any relationship work.

I had the same problem and when one day I told him that if he continues to behave like a dumb *** (I actually was more specific then that), I would seriously reconsider if I want to live my life with him, he did a 180 on me. He was as nice as you can imagine, he was trying to make me happy like he never tried in 5 years we were together. That's when I realized: if he needs threats to behave himself (it's not like what I told him in that conversation was in any way news to him; it's the threat that was added) than he is not a man, he is a spoiled little boy and I am better off without him. And I left. I wished I did that sooner because now I feel like I exhausted all the patience and kindness there was in me and I have nothing for other people that really deserve it.

Answer 4

It depends on how bad your problems are. You do still love him though so that does give you a ray of hope and he obviously loves you or he wouldn't be trying so hard (for now). Give him another chance. Get counseling it can help if you let it. Don't give up too soon. You've put a lot into this marriage to just throw it all away and the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Answer 5

If you can make it past 4 years, you can last the test of time. Your husband very likely will go back to doing whatever it was that he was doing before, unless you change also. Give yourself a little time to see if things can work. Don't let him backslide into the behaviors that need to change. Try to pinpoint the things that you were doing that he interpreted as a green light to act the way he did. If you leave him now without figuring out why he thought you were giving him the go ahead to be the way he was, you will just attract men who are just like him and worse.

Answer 6

My best friend is going through this right now. She loves him, but she's tired. When she mentioned ending the relationship, he completely changed and now he's trying so hard to keep her from leaving. I'll tell you what I told my friend: I can tell that he's trying really hard but you can't know if things are going to go back to the way that they were (which is nowhere). I feel like there is no hope, I say end it because even if he does change for good, then you won't completely be in the relationship. Follow your heart girl.

Answer 7

I guess u really will never know if he is going to change or be the same UNLESS you do give it another try and if he seems to be trying you should try to and you say you still love him LOVE is always worth trying for ... there is also marriage counseling so give it a shot because if you quit now you'll never really know if it would be worth it or not. Just try and work together and keep up on communicating. the more you communicate the more understanding you will have for one another

Answer 8

If he's willing to try to work it out, try just once more. But you don't HAVE to take my advice. You can do whatever you want. But think- you could also leave him and find out in 10years that you should have stayed. Consider it.

Answer 9

If he mixes plaids with stripes. If he likes Justin Bieber more than Lady Gaga. If he uses his soup spoon to stir a cup of coffee. If you can hear his eyes roll over the phone when you tell him to pick up something for dinner because you are running late. OK, I was just trying to be funny. But the reasons for doing either can often be just as silly or trivial. Women have divorced over the toilet seat being left up one too many times and other women have stayed in marriages when their husbands all but kill them. Its a very personal decision, but one that has to be made.

Answer 10

I'm surprised at the amount of people who would walk away from their marriage so easily. I suppose that's why the divorce rate is hovering around 50%. So when you leave and marry someone else and he becomes complacent will you walk away from that one too? No one ever said marriage was sunshine and lolly pops, it takes more work some days than others. I suggest you work for the person you promised yourself to.