I'm really starting to get fed up with him. We tried so hard for this child and now he acts like it's no big deal. I was told I'd never be able to even get pregnant. I've been so overjoyed but he's been less than excited. I don't understand this is what he wanted I thought just as much as I do. When I try to talk to him about it all he does is get mad.
2006-06-29 11:11:05 · 10 answers · asked by girl_interupted83 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
For many people, having a baby means that you will have to spend your time more responsibly. Women tend to feel it first because of the very noticeable reminder. During pregnancy there are hormones that are released that cause you to bond more with your unborn child and feel that you need to prepare. This is often called nesting and it takes place in most mammals (and birds).
Men may not realize their responsibility for awhile. In fact, it is a very defining moment for him and for your relationship. Often, a baby can reveal what you really think about your husband as it reveals what you really want from him, how he changes and responds to the new responsibility. It definitely takes time. In some cases, men never really become responsible. In most cases though, they start to get it once they bond with the baby and realize that they can be a significant influence in this person's life.
Then, the change that occurs in men can be quite dramatic, and for the second child, this won't be a problem. Men suddenly realize why people make such a big deal about having a good job. In fact, they can go to far and be so stressed about it that you get stressed out.
Also, once you get to your 9th month. The hormones get very intense. Also your size and social pressure start to make you very irritable. Expect to have an enormous fight sometime then.
Men sometimes need a medical explanation about what they should do during your pregnancy. Although the bonding process is very chemical for you, it is not for him. You might want to try giving him a book. I recommend the Pregnancy Book by Sears and Sears.
You say things like "we have a lot to do." Try saying things like, "we have a chance to form the strengthening bonds that will help us build a strong family."
2006-06-29 12:55:53 · answer #1 · answered by Mark The Shipman 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
sounds like once you actually got pregnant he got scared. Having a baby is a huge responsibilty. I bet he is scared to death... what better way to ignore those feelings that play video games all day. Thats not saying he wont' be happy about baby, but it may take him some time to adjust. Especially since you thought you could not have children, he may never have actually believed you would get pregnant. Give him a little more time.. but let him know how you feel.. with out saying anything about him not spending time with you or playing too many video games. Once he gets defensive you have lost the argument. Tell him you are really excited about baby, ask him what he thinks about something like a name, or if the baby's a boy will he be circumcised. Most men have very strong opinions on the matter.. once he gets talking, ask him strait out if he is okay with the baby. If he says yes, tell him good, you were afraid you did not want it anymore, if he says no.... then start yelling. He might soften up and start to see your side, if he thinks you don't think he loves you anymore or that you don't want the baby. Best of luck to you... it might just take the baby in his arms to make him realize how special it is.
2006-06-29 18:19:24 · answer #2 · answered by manderstwin1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might feel like there's nothing he can do now that there's a baby inside of you. I mean, it sounds like you're saying that he was eager to get you pregnant because there was a possibility that you might not be able to...but now that he's done "his part", he might not know what else he can do. And you know what? He might be feeling a little nervous now that he knows the ball is rolling and a kid is definately coming now. You guys will be brand new parents, and I'm sure that's scary as hell! Especially for a guy. Try reassuring him that he's gonna be a good dad and that you guys are gonna learn the way together. And tell him that you know there's nothing he can do physically to help care for this baby, but that you just want to know that he still cares. AND...maybe just maybe...he's trying to get in all the hours of game playing he can until the baby comes. Men are crazy sometimes, just sit him down when he's NOT playing video games and TALK to him and tell him how you truly feel. If he cares, he won't get mad. Just don't try to have this conversation when he's playing the game.
2006-06-29 18:19:13 · answer #3 · answered by Jenn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy...
Well, yes, when you're pregnant, you're way more irritable. I know that's the last thing you wanna hear. As for video games, I've battled this one, and it's not a fight you will win.
Guys need guy time: time for him to be able to chill out without us nagging women and blow stuff up. When you interfere with guy time, you get hurt. He can be a bigger baby than we ever are, even when we're pregnant. Talk to him about it when he's NOT PLAYING. Let him know calmly that you would like to spend more time with him. Don't bring video games into the conversation, just say that you feel like you guys should spend more time actually TOGETHER, not just in the same room.
Never forget that communication is the key to every successful relationship, and yelling is not communicating.
2006-06-29 18:18:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
women go through an emotional roller coaster while pregnant... and he should be more attentive to your needs... its not like you got pregnant by yourself. when things are calm and he is not hypnotized by his video game, talk to him. tell him, without fighting or raising your voice, that its cool if he plays his freakin' video games, but he has to help you and pay attention to you as well. get him a book about what kind of changes women go through... men dont usually understand these kinds of things because they dont experience any part of it physically... maybe reading about it will help him realize you are sensitive right now and he is being an a*s about the whole thing.
if all else fails... make his video game console, mysteriously dissapear! sell, it and go get a massage or something else that may help you relax.
2006-06-29 18:21:22 · answer #5 · answered by LiLiTh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take him to your Doctors appointments, get him involved with the pregnancy. Get rid of the video game and tell him to man up! It wasn't an accident so you guy are in this together. Guys tend to get like that at times so be patient.
2006-06-29 18:22:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl i am going through the same thing. i am 7 months pregnant with our first child and he didn't seem excited or anythng. but give him time to come around. my boyfriend did. let him have his video games. they may help him cope with a lot of things. he may be just as nervous as you are but don't want you to know he's thinking about that. he 's excited. later if he is like my boyfriend, he would start wanting to copy your ultrasound pics, poke on your belly to make the baby move and he may even name him/her. just give him time, he will eventually come around.
2006-06-29 18:20:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't forget we are mentally and emotionally more needy when pregnant. As for the video games, toss it!
2006-06-29 18:14:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him a momentary boot. kick him 2 the couch. then give him a good telling. whip him back into shape. he used your body and now he's gotta take the responsibilaties.
2006-06-29 18:16:10 · answer #9 · answered by rozz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, it puts some stress on him. If he believed that you may never get pregnant, he didn't expect it and maybe he didn't really wanted it either
2006-06-29 18:14:40 · answer #10 · answered by georgia1402 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋