I am not happy in my marriage and my husband doesn't know it what can I do to be happy again?

Question

I have been married for 9 years we have had three beautiful healthy children. My husband has been a great provider I have only had to work part time but I am not sexually attracted to him anymore and I would like to have sex with another man and I feel absolutely horrible about it and I just don't know what to do. I do not want to divorce my husband I love him very much he just does not satisify me at all I don't like when he touches me and he knows I am feeling this way I haven't told him that I do but he keeps telling me. I just would like some advice on how to fix this problem.

Answer 1

To some degree you are going through a normal process that happens in a lot of long term relationships. The lust/sexual attraction you had when you first met was in large part fueled by a chemical reaction in your body that eventually fades over time. This is what leads people to feel like their relationships are missing something after a period of time. Why you can never completely get those old feelings back there are things you can do to improve your relationship and get back some of the old passion you two had. Part of the problem is usually we start to take our relationships for granted over time. You need to go back to doing the little things that you did when you were first together. Things like hold hands, kiss, snuggle, sexually tease each other, take time to create time alone to explore and share life together. Sexual attraction is in large part desire that builds up based upon these simple actions. If things are really bad in the sexual department you might need to seek counseling but I think if you two get back to basics, communicate and open up to each other you might be able to find that there is still some attraction left. Try something new and exciting together that you've never done before such as web camming at anywebcam.com. After 9 years there has to be some thing left to save and I hope the two of you can work together to find it.

Answer 2

Obviously there is a lot more history to this question that only you understand, so only you know the answer. My advice is to work on being more appreciative of all the things your husband does do right. Usually when a woman doesn't feel attracted to her mate it's because there is an emotional disconnect there. You probably don't feel emotionally close to him. Work on that first, before you worry about sex. See if the two of you can figure out some ways to foster a more loving bond between the two of you. Be honest (in a very gentle gentle way) about your feelings and tell him that you love him enough to work on these issues and you hope he feels the same, assuming that you do love him enough of course.

Answer 3

Dont go off on that sexual fantasy...you will regret it. Having an affair is not going to fix your problem. Although sex is an important part of marriage, it's not everything. It looks as if you have a good man for a husband.... Tlk about your problems in a constructive way...dont mention your desire for other men. Take time off the two of you alone to a romantic place...

I am sure you will find someone who would lay you (I use the word lay purposely because that's exactly what it is) but you will regret it big, big time. If you love your children...him being a good husband and father...try and work things out.... Good luck.

Answer 4

Maybe it is time for you to talk to your husband. You need to tell him how you feel. I understand that you love him and you don't want to hurt him, but you hurting the both of you by keeping your feelings bottle up.

If you cheat on your husband, you will really tear his heart up, so why not talk to him and see if this problem can be resolved. Maybe you and your husband will need to separate to make a new. It may be hard, but living a lie and not being truthful with one another is worst. Good Luck !

Answer 5

Remember what attraction brought you together.... try some couple therapy and see if that helps. If nothing works, then move on and give both of you a chance to be happy. You just need to decide which is more important... sexual attraction or having a happy home. Good luck.

Answer 6

What was it that turned you off? So he is a great provider, had great things together until things started to change with kids and more responsibilities? Now he has to work even harder to provide not only for you but for the kids.
You do not want to lose the security, but want to be free to play around.
You feel horrible because you are horrible. You can try counseling, but the way you think, the best is for you to just walk and let the family rebuild. Sorry dear, you are not unique, I see your kind all over.

Answer 7

are you sure you still love him? Is it a specific other person that you would like to have sex with? bcuz that might be it, maybe you just like someone else and thats why you dont want your husband to touch you. I would like to say to go ahead and have sex with other men but that wouldn't be fair to your hubby. maybe you can try some kinki stuff, watch porn get of on other people withou the actuall cheating.

Answer 8

I mostly advise you to tell him how your feeling, becuase dont you trust and love him? I bet he feels the same and wants you to be honest with him. Its hard for me to tell my husband hes not doing it right in bed etc. its hard for anyone. Maybe theres techniques he has that you havent discovered yet. see things that do please you about him and look at him as a loving person, great husband/father. My husband isnt very attractive but I look into his eyes and just fall in love. I think trying diffrent Sex positions discovering each others deepest fantasys. If this doesnt help, try a THeripist for you and your husband or just for yourself.

Answer 9

Counseling. Never cheat no matter what!