I have a 8 year old son how do you tell him that his dad might not be his dad?

Question

I have been married for 12 years me and my husband were seperated when I started dating someone else. I had sex with both men in between a two week peirod. We have never had a blood test. I have been back with my husband since that 1 week in question and my son knows no other man as his father. We also have an 11 year old daughter who has heard us fight about getting a blood test. I dont know what to do at this point. I dont know if I should get the blood test or keep on beliving he's my husbands and leave it at that. HELP!

Answer 1

You are leaving too much out.

So the man you're with ...is treating the boy as his son and is being a good dad?

Who wants a blood test?

How will things change if the boy isn't your husbands?

If you're asking this so you can give your son a reason why he has to get a blood test ... Your doctor should know his blood type. If not have this done at a regular check up.

Answer 2

I am in exactly the same boat. Just turned round.

You have to do the test (and stop any talk of this around your daughter)

You can dance around the answer to this for a long time even though you know what the answer is. I've come to my decision simply because my son (or not) has the right to know.

Your boys sister or half sister also has the right to know. You have to tell them. Think carefully what you are going to say, prepare for 'left field' questions kids throw at us and most importantly do this with your husband at your side.

However in saying that, this is one time where there is a chance you may not have to say anything. Do the DNA - try to find the 'other guy' as well - this really helps on accuracy. You now have the results.

If he is - your husband - father/son - I don't think you need to dredge up your past with your kids. Just leave it.

If he is not - I'd give it 2 or 3 years then just tell it like it happened sure there will be anger and sadness but you guys will do fine in the end.

Let the other guy know and stay in touch, your boy will want to meet him one day. You cant hide this from you or your family.

Answer 3

A dad is a lot more than a sperm donor. If your husband loves and treats him as his son, I would not do anything unless medically necessary. However if the sister knows, it may be a good idea to talk to your son before she says something to him when she is mad one day. Another option is arrange for your Dr to take blood for a paternity test and tell your son it is for something else. I would never tell him if hubby is father.
Sounds like the issue may be that your husband never got over the fact that you had another relationship during that time. 8 years later and it is the source of an argument? You and hubby need to re-connect and deal with your problems, you need to quit putting an innocent 8 year old boy in the middle of your problems. Your arguments should have nothing to do with your son. Good luck, sounds like a tough situation. I am left wondering why its such a big deal, who the biological father is. If you hubby treats your son different due to a possibility, then he has issues to deal with. A child is a gift that shouldn't be rejected no matter how it was given.

Answer 4

If this is causing a problem in the marrage get the test but do not tell your son anything. If your husbands plan is to be there regardless and he wants to know just for his own personal knowledge keep it from your son. Consider all options before the test. Your husband might say right now that he would not change in any way but if the test revilied that he was not the father, I think it would be hard for him to control his feelings. You need to really think of this from your husbands point of view and feelings.

Answer 5

if your husband wants the test so bad then make him be there when you tell him, and if he can accept that there is a possibility your son may not be his blood and still love your son then why even test...after 8 years thats daddy, no test will ever take 8 years away and no matter what that test says that little boy knows who daddy is and what is the reason to confuse him...okay you slept with another man oh well, you are married now your son is yalls son....i just wouldnt even bother cryin over spilled milk.

Answer 6

Until you get the blood test done, don't tell your son that his father figure might not be his true father. If you get the blood test and your son is not your husband's child then that could cause friction between you and your husband. If your husband loves your son then he shouldn't punish your son.

If your husband is fine with raising your son like it's his own (if it isn't his) then you shouldn't tell your son until he's old enough to grasp the concept.

I also suggest attending counseling either with your husband or without him.

Good luck and trust your heart.

Answer 7

Your son, born of your marriage, is your husband's child no matter what. Legally, your husband is responsible for this child.

So what purpose will the blood test serve? If you have your son's and husband's DNA compared and they are a match -- then what? If they are not a match -- then what?

The best interests of the child need to prevail above all others. Both you & your husband need to grow up NOW! You are running the risk of damaging a lot of lives with this nonsense.

Answer 8

Don't go on a "MIGHT!" You can't tell by looking and observing his voice, habits and character if the child is your husband's blood? Since it has come up and it weighs heavy on your mind, get the test but be careful about who is privy to the results and what happens depending on the results. Sounds like you think your son is the other guys son. I think the answer that is in your HEART is correct.

Answer 9

Well you both shouldn't be fighting about this.. If he has stepped up and raised him as a father should then what diffrence does it make to find out if he is is blood child... That is this boys father no matter what... If it is something that you and your husband what to do to find out the " truth" then you both need to make sure that your not going to take it out on your son for your mistake 8 years ago. He is still this childs father no matter what the out come is I would hope...

Answer 10

I would just say leave it at that because he is too young to understand, but for the sake of his healthcare, he needs to know who his father is so that he can explain family history to his doctor. You should get the paternity test discreetly so that he doesn't know what is happening, that way if your husband is the father, no harm done. If not, it's best to tell him now and frame it in a non-threatening way so that when you have to tell him later in life (for his own health) he doesn't think that you kept something from him his whole life and resent you.