I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year & a half now. Things have happened quite fast between us, we've been on 2 family holidays together, last year & this year & we have been living together for over a year now. He was married but separated when we first met & got divorced in June last year. His wife was the one who ended the relationship & left him heart broken. We have never been that sexually active but we haven't had sex in over 3 months now! I do feel that he doesn't fancy me! He says he loves me but he's scared of getting married as he doesn't want to get hurt again. The problem is that I want to have children in the next year or so as I'm 34 in a couple of months time. He also wants children soon as he is reaching 40. I feel like I'm putting pressure on him because I feel like my time is running out. I don't know what to do because I do love him but I'm not 100% sure he feels the same. Please give me your opinions! Thank you. x
2006-06-29 10:30:16 · 19 answers · asked by mini m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Be patient with him. If you try to rush it you may scare him off for good. Tell him how you feel and remind him that you are not like his ex. You still have enough time for having children. Women are having them at older ages than they use to. Keep yourself healthy and strong and it will help being an older parent. Best Wishes.
2006-07-13 03:36:17 · answer #1 · answered by # one 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a tough situation for you to deal with...but, look at the situation...he has only been divorced for slightly more than a year. He has been emotionally scarred from this experience. Do you really want him to jump into another marriage before he is ready? For your relationship to work...he has to want to marry you...he has to make the commitment or it will be a second divorce for him. Yes, he is 40, you are 34..the biological clocks are ticking...but, worse case scenario...you CAN adopt. For it to work...you have to be supportive...and he will have to want the relationship to continue. There is nothing wrong with talking about the direction and the pathway you want to take with your relationship...but, if you push too hard...he may bolt. But, having said that, the next question is...how long do you wait? That will have to be your decision...how long do you think it is worth..waiting for? If he truly loves you...he will come around. If not, then another year might tell you what way the relationship will continue...and if you don't like the way it is going...then you will need to re-evaluate the situation and make a decision. It is a tough decision and i wish you luck with whatever happens!!
2006-06-29 17:46:24 · answer #2 · answered by thor1014 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get married. Lots of people live together with out the marriage and things still work out great. You can still have children with out actually being married. He's not ready for that, may never be ready because his heart was broken and now he feels like fool. Men get hurt very easily, and a lot harder to forgive than women. I suggest to leave the relationship the way it is. Like the saying goes don't fix nothing if it ain't broke. Unless that is if you really want to get married. Then talk to your loved one about it and both of you guys lay out your feelings and come to a compromise.
2006-06-29 17:45:15 · answer #3 · answered by sweetsugakb24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both do not sound like a match. It sounds your biological clock it ticking, and he sounds like he needed a shoulder to cry on. You would never question things this soon if he were really the one. There are so many more men out there... 34 is not that old, whats the rush with children?!! Children would only make things worse, since things do not seem that stable to begin with. My biggest concern is the apparent lack of communication. Talk to him about how you feel... you may be surprised what comes out! I would leave now before you waste any more time with him.
2006-06-29 18:00:38 · answer #4 · answered by Leigh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what's the rush...you both rushed into this relationship knowing that he had just been broken hearted. You've rushed into living together without really knowing each other...and now you're wanting to rush into having a child....
Men at nearly 40 sometimes do not have the sex drive that a female has at 34. Women at 34 are feeling the bio clock ticking and want to procreate....Vicious cycle for both!
Getting hurt again for him is just an excuse to you to say " SLOW DOWN" give me space here.
Take your time, enjoy life and each other.
2006-07-13 06:34:31 · answer #5 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who says you have to be married to have children? Is that the rule now? I have been with my BF for almost 5 years and he was married before he met me. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and no plans of getting married. I didn't know one needed a piece of paper to have a child.
2006-07-06 21:23:32 · answer #6 · answered by ^v^ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have got to face the facts that you are the rebound chick...
secondly, you can not force yourself or your wants on this guy or any guy for that matter. This guy is being brutally honest with you, why not take it as that and leave it alone. Could probably explain why you haven't had sex in 3 months.
Most importantly, you are creating unnecessary circumstances for yourself.
1. You are having sex, living together and not married.
This guy has already told you he has no intentions on getting married. Why put yourself through the heartache, and unnecessary drama.
Leave..Focus on you and prayerfully some knight will come along.
2006-07-12 23:22:57 · answer #7 · answered by WhatEVER27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you already know the answer to the question. Of course you could pressure him, marry him, divorce him in about the same time frame as you've already mentioned. But I guess the real question here is :What do you want"? you already know the answer to the question you've asked, but if you're wanting someone to tell you to leave and go forth into another relationship....ok ...go forth into another relationship where you KNOW you're wanted and you don't have to guess. Leave this guy in the background mooning over his ex-wife! You prob deserve better. Good luck
2006-07-13 16:58:53 · answer #8 · answered by copper2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't pressure him or you'll lose him completely. He says he loves you. give him the benefit of the doubt. don't worry about having children. if it is meant to be, it will happen. marriage is no guarantee that there will be children as a result. you have been with him for a year and 1/2. if you love him, you'll still be with him when and IF he ever decides to give marriage another chance.
2006-07-12 14:44:06 · answer #9 · answered by smommeee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him stright up do you love me and married me and Am I same as your wife?? and are you seeing someone else??? is that why our sex life not good nothing at all for 3 months. and He need to decide now becasue this a life he playing with you... this a life you wanted and he didn't wanted and just leave him.
2006-07-09 08:46:56 · answer #10 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋