How can I avoid overeacting in my relationship?

Question

I was married once and the marriage was really bad and abusive I ended it. Now a year went by and got a boyfriend and I just get really freaked out when we have arguments I just don't want to make another mistake. Everytime my boyfriend (3 months) and I have an argument I just pretty much stop talking to him and it could go for days I know I am overeacting I know another person in a situation like that would just be like "whatever" but I can't I am trying so hard to make sense of little fights vs just forget about it and move on, what can I do to stop feeling like the relationship has to be perfect, I am so scare of going back to the same thing I had with my exhusband

Answer 1

Dear asker,

You have to stop dragging your bagagge into your new relationship, he is NOT your ex-husband nor he has to be punished for what someone else did to you. It's not fair.

You have to put your guard down. He probally doens't know the details of your marriage and doesn't know what is most sensitive to you. You have to communicate and don't hold on to a grudge because youa re goingto explode, make a dramatic scene and drive him away.

While is natural for you to feel tempted to walk away from a relationship because you are not going to take any more crap from anyone, I think that you are overreacting because probally your boyfriend is not doing nothing to you that merits such display of rage and emotions. Tell him about what makes you angry and sad and what subjects are better left untouched so it won't trigger your defensive mode,

If you want to try to be in a relationship, you have to learn to trust again (easier said than done) and let go of your bad experiences so you can freely enjoy love the way is supposed to be.

Best of luck to you

Answer 2

It's perfectly understandable since you've gone through a bad marriage. However, you need to keep in mind that your boyfriend is not your exhusband even if they may tend to do the same things from time to time. Sometimes it's just male behavior. From this point on, try to talk it out rather than shutting him out. Make an effort to resolve the issue before going to sleep.