help me plz!!!!!!?

Question

i dont know how to explain this really but, ok one night i decided to go out and get drunk with some friends and i was really drunk and i slept with this dude!!!! i have a b/f and i shouldnt have did that and now i feel really bad for doing it my boyfriend knows about it because i cant keep secrets from him!!! But my boyfriend and i were fooling around before i left, and the condom busted and im not really sure if the *** got inside of me but i know for a fact that it got on me!!!! when i woke up the next morning my friends told me that i slept with this dude!!!!! he is a mexican and im not racest or anything but i should have had more respect for myself and my boyfriend!!! i love my boyfriend to death!!!!!!!!! I started having stomach aches really bad and vomiting so i took a pregnancy test and it showed positive!!!im so scared i dont really know what really went on that night that i got drunk but someone plz help me what should i do and whos do u think it is???? Thanks alot!!!

Answer 1

Heather,

Honey,I can really feel for you in this situation, I've been there. That's a tough thing to have to deal with. Take a deep breath and get things into perspective. You have some good advice on here already and I don't know if I can add much to it, but sometimes good people make bad choices. There are a lot of people around willing to give you support! Just don't let the negative people speak louder to you than the supportive ones! I think so far Shadow had the best answer. Being honest and respectful with everyone involved is going to be very important.

Please get everyone input before deciding to do anything. If you choose to terminate the pregnancy, please don't make this decision on your own. This could be your boyfriends baby and the ramifications of him not having a choice in what happens to the child will go far beyond your relationship with him.

If you choose adoption, again make sure everyone is on board with the choice. But please know that things have changed. You don't just give your baby away anymore. Adoptions are almost always open anymore. Birth moms and dads have a lot of say in how much if any involvement they have in the child's life. You don't HAVE to give your baby to anyone and if a potential adoptive family doesn't want you involved, move on to the next family! Just get it in writing if you want to stay involved so they can't renig later on.

If you choose to keep the child you are going to have a long hard life in front of you, especially considering the situation you're in. But the rewards are beyond words. You will have a responsibility to find out who the real father is, but rest assured once paternity is established things will fall into a norm and you, your baby and his/her father can work out an amicable situation.

I've been in your shoes and had to make the choices you are having to make. It's the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life, but I'm confident every day I made the right choice. My 12 year old daughter was adopted by the best woman I could have ever asked for. She has a huge loving family and our adoption is so open, I have babysat her and taken her to her doctors appointments when her mom was too busy.I know my situation is an exception, but it's quickly becoming the norm and I'm grateful every day of my life that I gave my daughter the opportunity to live a life that I couldn't have ever given her.

Every situation is different and you will have to make your own decision that's best for your individual situation, just think it through and be confident in your decision. Never look back once the decision is finalized, if you start questioning the what ifs and whys, seek out a therapist to help you through the low times.

Good luck honey! Remember, as all things, this too shall pass.It's not going to kill you and you will get through it to brighter days. If you need someone to talk to or want to email, please don't for a second hesitate to get ahold of me. You need to know you're not alone!

Sincerely,
Mel

Answer 2

OK I think the important thing is to calm down! Getting yourself worked up will not help the situation at all, and it will in fact make you more stressed.

Right, so you dont exactly know what happened that night you slept with someone else? I think its fair to say that if a pregnancy test is showing up positive, then you slept with someone - pregnancy tests are rarely wrong, but you could always do another to test that theory. You need to be 100% certain of your pregnancy before you move onto anything else. Do several tests - perhaps 5? I know it might be expensive, but for a peace of mind do it. Visit your doctor too and as him/her to do a test.

If it turns out that it is positive, then you will need to tell your boyfriend what happened. Honesty is the best policy regardless of the consequences. Sit him down and explain that you think you could be pregnant, but you're not sure if he's the father. If you're planning on keeping the baby instead of an abortion, then I think he may notice in 2 - 3 months time when your stomach will start to swell up. You cant know his reaction, its impossible to predict. If you're not even sure that the baby is his, work out when the last time you had sex was before your drunken experience, and put that against the estimated time that your doctor reckons how far along in your pregnancy. That may give you an accurate representation of who the father is. You say that you were fooling around with your boyfriend before you left that night, and the condom split? It looks like it could be a 50/50% of either of them being the father, and I'm not sure if theres anyway to tell before the baby is born.

If you decide to keep the baby, you should consider the facts that it will be expensive, and very lonely if you decide to bring it up on your own without the support of your family and friends. Its also a massive responsibility bringing a child into the world. This is concerning your future sweetie - you will be tied to it for the next 18 years for definite and most probably the rest of your life. Do you think you could be able to cope with that? Other alternatives are adoption, or termination/abortion. This is a personal decision that both you and the father must come to, so I cant advise on that, but all I'm saying is analyse all the facts first.

Good luck

Answer 3

First of all, now is not when you should be scared. I am not sure of your age, but you need to talk with your parents, Friends parents, or some adult who can help you. You have to go to a doctor. You need to be checked for HIV, and or AIDS, and also have a pregnancy test. I cannot tell you how important this is! It is not only you and your life but the possible life of a baby. You must not be afraid now. You made a big mistake, but don't put off going to the doctor. Whatever the outcome, if you wait it won't change anything. Please don't wait. You will be more at ease if you know what you are dealing with. As for who the baby belongs to, I'm sorry but that should be the last of your worries right now. There can be a paternity test done after delivery, if you are pregnant. There are many alternatives for young unwed mothers, ask your doctor for this information. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Oh boy! What a life lesson you have had to learn!!
When the baby is born you will do a DNA test to see who is the father of the baby.
You didn't say how old you are. There is always an option of giving up the baby for adoption. There are many childless couples out there that want a baby. I personaly have one adopted child.
It will be up to you of what you want to do. If this baby isn't your boyfriends , it is still YOUR baby and you concieved and grew it.
This baby is not at fault for being concieved. It is worthy of love and life. If your bf is a good man he will be able to accept this baby whether it is his or not.
A baby is pure love. No matter who the father is, this child will be the love of your life. A baby is the most amazing miricle on the planet.
Once you are over the shock, take this time as a miricle and a gift beyond your wildest dreams. Get rid of fear.
Get some counseling if you need it.
Forgive yourself, take a deep breath, and move onward in love.

Answer 5

Ok, step one is to calm down. Everything will be ok, just relax. Step two, take a second pregnancy test to be sure or go to the doctor and get a test done to be absolutely sure. Third, wiat a little while and you can have a paternity test done if you really want to. It could honestly be either guy's baby simply because the encounters were so close together. Regardless of what happens, go to the doctor and get everything checked and make sure that you are physically ready for a baby. Talk to your boyfriend and see if he is ready for a baby and be VERY honest with him in everything. Even talk about what he would think if the baby turned out to not be his. It is VERY important to be open about things and really talk about it seriously. Finally, carry the baby to term. I know that that is an odd step, but no matter who's baby it is and no matter what the circumstances are, every baby deserves to live. That might be me pushing my beliefs, and I can't make decisions for you, but that is my opinion. Oh, and one last thing. Get the name of the other guy in case you have to contact him later about things like child support and stuff like that. Get it now before things go any further so that you have it and can get in touch with him.

Just relax, you will be ok. I know that you are completely freaked out right now because it is all so new and nerve racking, but just try to relax. You will be taken care of in one way or another as long as you are willing to do what you have to do if certain circumstances come to light. I hope and pray only the best for you and your unborn baby. I wish you all the best no matter what happens.

Answer 6

You feel as if you are the only one that this happened to right now don't you. I have been there and it is a lonely and scary situation sweetie. There is nothing you can do about the past so look forward from here OK? The fact is you are pregnant and one of them is the father. The situation is all hinged on how you present yourself now. Hold your head high...you made a mistake, we all do, get past that and once the baby is born have a paternity test done. You have a miracle growing inside of you, focus on that and don't let anyone put you down or make you feel like less of a person because you are human and made a mistake that others have made many times in the past...Got it:) Who cares what they think, you have the power in yourself to change the way others see you and you look fine to me!

Answer 7

I am almost positive that is Mexican's, because every time they have sex, they make a baby. (or so it seems) Their women are fertile, and their men as well. You made a mistake of sleeping with him, but you can not really know if it is his or your b/f's.
However, if your boyfriend does not leave you, and wants to be with you, make sure that you know if he is the father, or not once the baby is born. Maybe he will stay with you. I would find out who the Mexican is, but would not tell him anything unless sure that the baby is his. Don't bring any more drama than needed at this time. And your friends...How do they know that you slept with a guy, but you don't? Were they watching?

Answer 8

Could be either from the sound of it.

First, I aplaud you for being honest with your boy friend.

Second, don't beat yourself up, eveyone makes mistakes in life, what's in the past is in the past and can't be changed, at this point you need to work on what your going to do for the future.

Now having said these points, I believe these are your options.

1. Talk with your boy friend and find out if he will support you in anyway if the child is found to be his or not.
2. Do you have any idea who the other guy was and do you care at all. If you don't want the child, do you want to even inform him that it exist? You will need to figure that out and I believe the law is that at this point it's your body, so it's your choice.
3. Talk with your doctor about options.
4. Are you religious? Talk with your Priest or Rabbi or other spiritual leader.
5. Do you intend on keeping the child or not? It's your choice by the law and even your parents can't prevent you if you don't want the child.
6. If you don't believe in abortion as an option (I actually don't but legally it is an option), would you consider carrying the child to full term and putting it up for adoption.

These are all things that you have to figure out but you are not the only person this has happened to. Talk with a professional, there are people who will help you no mater what your decisions are. Talk with your doctor, talk with your religious leader, look for a pregnancy hot line. There are people there to help you. You are not alone.

Answer 9

Your just going to have to deal with the consequences of your actions. You weren't acting like a grown up that night but you are about to have to be REAL grown up if you keep this baby. It's a big responsibility. You screwed up, deal with it and do the right thing. Tell your boyfriend, the guy you slept with and anyone who you might need moral support from.

Go to your gyno and get a confirmation. Then inquire about getting a DNA test as soon as you can to find out the paternity of the baby. You've got a real soap opera on your hands. Good Luck!

Answer 10

If your friends are the ones who told you that YOU slept with someone, maybe you didnt...you would remember...even if u were drunk. So yeah your pregnant....there aint no telling whose it is IF you really did sleep with that guy so dont lie to ANYONE about it including, your b/f, the mexican dude, any of their families....What im saying is just remember to respect everyone else that will be affected by this situation also. Be honest, if your going to keep the baby make sure everyone knows that theres a possibility that its not your bfs baby.....follow your heart.