how do i work around my paranoia that my husband is cheating?

Question

I have found adult friend finder website results and strange female addresses in his email. I called him on it and all I got were firm denials and anger. I am concerned that if I continue to push the issue it will make things worse, however, I am still on guard and he reads that in my actions.

Answer 1

no, forget the detective, too expensive. download a spy-ware program from the many to chose from on the web. have someone help you. they run very transparently on your computer, tracking all keystrokes. prepare yourself, save info to disc. then have that discussion again later, after you know what's what. denials will be difficult, but so is bad marriage and divorce. your choices.

Answer 2

I understand your problem, as I have personally been dealing with a similar situation.

My husband professes to be a porn addict, and that it does nothing for him but "fill a need". He has promised many times in the past that he will stop.. although breaks the promises every time.

He even did this while I was away for a weekend... holding the hand of my mother's husband... holding him as he died. This, to me, was a kick in the face.. one of the more difficult times in my life, where he could have been there for me... he was filling his need to view video porn online.

He often says he will attend counseling to fix the problem, although never does. Will this even remedy the pain and resentment of his actions? Probably not.

I strongly believe in pushing the issue! Monitor his phone calls, his internet access, his pockets, wallet, his credit card purchases.. everything! If he truly wants to be in this relationship, he should be an *Open Book* without resenting your wishes to check up on him.

I honestly believe that people who can continuously do this will continue, regardless of the promises they make. My husband also gets angry and denies everything... until I push the issue enough that he tells me.

Without trust, a relationship is nothing. And I understand what that is like. I don't want anyone else to go through what I have over so many years.. and I hope, if you decide to, that you will have the strength to push the issue.. and leave if you feel it necessary.

I wish you the best, and that things work out the way you wish them to. *hugs*

Answer 3

I have never had this problem but I have friends who have. If what you said is true it is cause for concern. You can handle it one of 3 ways; confront him again but have your proof in hand, ignore it and hope it goes away or start doing more checking. No one likes to be played for a fool; nor should they allow anyone to treat them less. If you can afford it hire an investigator and if not you become one but don't say anything until you have concrete proof if at all possible on tape. Watch the movie let's give them something to talk about and that will give you some motivation. Than you have to decide if your marriage is worth saving. If you love him and he loves you it is but only if he is willing to work hard to regain your trust. If he is just checking out his options than you two need to really talk and find out why he is feeling that way and work on re-claiming that spark that brought you two together in the first place. That old saying "don't throw the baby out with the bath water." applies here, don't throw the husband out on possibilities only on concrete evidence. Good luck, and I hope you are wrong.

Answer 4

Thats a hard one, first of all, he is defensive which would make me crazy, and searching on those sites would set me on fire. So I dont know what to tell you, is he leaving the house and staying out late, or is he just on the net? either way I would be ticked beyond belief also. I would try to rationally speak to him about your marriage, and his feelings, is something missing, can you make something better.

Honestly if he wont talk its going to eat you alive and you will be miserable untrusting and insecure... The only way is too get him to talk, but not to argue about it, screaming never worked with my ex.

I have found womens phone numbers in my fiances phone by accident not looking intentionally but he always had an answer and it also always makes sense ie we would run into the person and they would thank him for the computer work he did, or were with their spouse and had commented on a recent conversation in front of myself and their spouse. So it never concerned me.

The defensive answers are the ones that my ex always had and we ended up screaming and fighting and not resolving, needless to say we arent together anymore but that is a different story.

Good luck, and best wishes I have been in your spot before, and its hard to put those things behind you even if they are innocent.

Answer 5

Three months ago i found the same sites on my pc and did not ask my husband about them I did some digging and found the password within the pc and then entered one of the numerous sites just to see what he had been up to. I was devastated as his ad read h was married and looking for fun and there were even previous chat records. He had been getting lots of messages on his mobile and could not explain them all - when i looked into his fone bills the majority were from one number so i called it. It was a woman and she informed me she had been seeing him for 8 months.
From actually speaking to him about it and then speaking to her he had denied anything and everything - but after i had spoke with her he couldn't deny any longer.
I am not saying your hubby is cheating but please if you think something is wrong then delve deeper for your own peace of mind.
You can on the net by typing in reverse number look up join sites that will reverse check all fone numbers mobile or land line - it does cost a little but when compared to peace of mind its cheap. You can also pay to have private lie detector tests nowadays as well - just ask if he would be willing to have one if he says yes lets go i would say hes not been naughty - however if like mine he objects in any form chances are hes been naughty.
Hope things are OK and you sort things best way for you.

Answer 6

The problem here is, he knows that you think he's cheating and that might actually drive him to do it. However, he may do it all on his own anyway. Websites and emails are not good news. Your husband should respect you more then to have female friends. He should know better. I'm not sure how you can solve this because if you bring it up to him, he will just get defensive and deny everything. I think once it gets to that point, he's cheating or about to. You may need to end things with him.

Answer 7

Hun, if you found what you found, somethings up. Does he "clean up" to go to the store, then stay gone way to long? Is he going to a friends house to visit, call and ask for him, after he's been there like 2 hours. Then just say you "need milk" or some such (but I doubt he's there) he'll just HAVE LEFT if you get my meaning. Or call the tv show Cheaters lol. Good luck.

aye, get a program called a Keylogger that runs in the background, it records all the keystrokes he will make and will keep a record of what he types.

Answer 8

GIVE UP THE PARANOIA, if found it talk to him find out why he has it don't ac use him of nothing, and be sure to let him know how you feel about it, by talking to him be calm when talking and listen to him all the way through DO NT int erupt him, if you 2 have a solid foundation it wont be broken until one of you brakes it, don't hold back you feelings just take different approach to it,learn to talk to him as a person as you would want him to do the same, listen to your heart don't let your anger harden your heart make sure there is something there that you cant talk to your{ best friend} husband about and solve.PARANOIA means insecurity of you self.

Answer 9

i am married and i saw that adult friend thing and it about sex and finding someone else and Yeah that is Cheating... I go on the website where make friend and get pen pal that different than going to adult finders... He stupid dumbass becasue why he has all the address on there?? and I am sure that he will be or already cheating on you and the address is by your area?? or what. You better hired private invesator thing and they will track him and see what he doing. Becasue I alwasy tell my wife everything what ever i do on internet becasue I am very honest person with my wife.

Find out your sex life sucks? what made him go on that web site???? of course talk about sex thing.

Answer 10

Let me just tell you that any man/woman who's entertaining on the net is either Single, Looking, or Lonely. Since you share a mutual relationship w/him he's not suppose to be SINGLE; since you share a mutual relationship w/ him he's not suppose to be LOOKING; well that leaves LONELY..how are things going on the home front , has the fire totally burned out? If it's worth rekindling, I say go full force, if not sum it up as a lesson learned. Honestly nothing is probably going to make him stop.I bet that this never happen until the friction arrived, he just very well may be too far gone. Go to counseling, it works! Good luck.

Answer 11

I would catch my boyfriend doing deceiving things all the time he would just lie I would drive myself crazy going through his phone forwarding his voice mail to my phone trying to listen to his every conversation until I realized if a man or woman is going to cheat there just going to cheat you cant be with him 24/7 take it from me don't drive yourself crazy or your man off don't worry about it if he is cheating hes a man he will slip up and get caught I'm not saying be stupid keep your eye on things but make him think you've forgot about it if you still want to snoop around do it while he is sleep don't say anything unless you have proof otherwise he will get smart and start erasing things good luck I've got enough gray hairs from my man