Why am I this way?

Question

I'm not harrasing anybody and I don't have a mental ilness or any emotional problems. I get straight A's, my friends think I'm really smart and many people find my advice truthfull. Still, most of my friends are avoiding me and a lot of people don't want to talk to me because I'm too critical, judgemental, overbearing, negative etc. I was interested in a girl, but when I told her what I thought about her carrer choise, she said she didn't want to have anything to do with me. People agree that my information is accurate, but they don't want to talk to me. Many times my friends tell me that I'm really smart, and that I should do something with my intelect, but then they would usualy avoid me and not want to talk to me. I want to help people, but the way I'm doing it is just making people uncompfortable/upset. What's wrong with me?

Answer 1

Intellectual,yet you can't spell.You are too honest for your own good.

Answer 2

You've learned to be logical and accurate, and to tell the truth. These are all good and noble things, and not everyone learns how to do them. So well done there.

Sadly, you haven't learned diplomacy and tact. Other people have, and so you're a social pariah for not learning them.

If you don't like your girlfriend's choice of career, ask yourself: why do I care? Chances are that her career choice won't really impact you in any way. So then ask yourself: why should I say anything? Chances are you were raised to give (good) advice and tell the truth -- in short, to be blunt and honest -- but nobody mentioned that bluntness and honesty are not always appreciated.

Consider: your girlfriend chose her career for reasons that are important to her, and let's assume she's happy with her choice, because you have no reason to believe otherwise.

Now, if she came to you and said "I'm not happy in my career, do you have any advice" -- well, that opens the door, but not to say "your current career sucks" even if it does. Instead, you should tactfully and diplomatically avoid pointing out that she's made a mistake -- she already knows that -- and instead offer advice on how to go about finding a better career, or learn to enjoy her current one. Or you can even say "I don't really know how to help you, but I completely understand how you feel."

On the other hand, if she doesn't solicit your advice, why volunteer it? It's not your business, it's not your problem. Nobody likes someone who runs around thinking they're know-it-alls -- you've found this out, certainly -- and so restrict your advice to people who ask for it. Like on this board, for instance. :)

As for learning diplomacy and tact: it takes time, just like it takes time for a shy person to be confident or a quiet person to be loud. Start taking a deep breath before giving any advice, and before you give it, consider whether it will be (a) appreciated, and (b) useful. After all, the best advice in the world is useless if someone is not in a position to use it, and not everyone appreciated being told what to do.

Answer 3

Sounds like you're intelligent....unfortunately that isn't enough. People often give you advise that at least has a bit of truth in it. Look at yourself honestly, and improve where you need to. I'd be willing to bet your still a teen. You'll go thru many changes before you decide the best fit for your personality. No one want to be around someone judgmental, overbearing, and negative. It's a drag! Try only giving your opinion when its' asked for. And remember.....just because you think it, doesn't mean people want to hear it. The people with the most friends are usually pleasant and fun to be around.

Answer 4

You are intimidating, and you need to learn a little self control and not take your comments/remarks to the fullest, because how people take things you say is insulting to them, like the girl with a career choice. A negative comment to something like that isnt necessary, its their choice, it has no bearing on you, so accept them, as we are all our own individual person! Who likes to be insulted???

Have you ever heard the saying, "youre so smart, youre stupid"!!

Go to school for Psychology, that way you can help people, and then when you are away from the office, you leave your work there and enjoy your friends on a more comfortable level!!!

Answer 5

You are probably too harsh. Besides, if they are your friends, then you should be supportive of them. What they do with their life is their choice. Keep your opinions to yourself unless asked and your friends many stick around. Also appologize. How would you feel if people critised your every move? When asked, say something like - that wouldn't be my choice, but it might work for you - or - have you really thought about all your options? Either way, you have the ability to change. Good luck.

Answer 6

Nothing is wrong with you. But you may want to try to be a little more diplomatic with what you tell people. For instance, telling the girl you liked that her career choice was wrong was perhaps a bit harsh. I suggest keeping certain things to yourself unless asked. If someone does ask you for advice, try to put yourself in their shoes before answering, and think your words through before speaking. When you do speak, preface with something positive (such as, "you do really great work in your career and I can tell that you are very committed) then gently state your opinion.

Answer 7

You're a bit like me. You sound like you talk before you think. What you need to do is try and lighten up a little, have a little fun, do something you wouldnt normally do. Make a decsicion to not say ANYTHING negative or critical for one day, and see how it goes. Then eventually turn it into 2 days, 3 days, etc, and eventually you will quit talking like that.
Good luck!

Answer 8

It sounds like you are promoting your intellect way too much and putting down people. You may hurting people's feeling with your advice. Maybe your advice is too honest up to the point that it could hurt someone's emotion, because It is hard to accept one's flaw. It could looks like you are careless, not considering other poeple's feeling. Being genuine and truthful is a good thing but somethings better to be left it alone.

Answer 9

nothing is wrong with u. maybe they dont wanna talk 2 u cuz they know that ur telling them the truth. or maybe they dont like it when ur 2 critical. im really smart 2 and some people used to do that to me so i stopped being TOO critical, but its okay. youre just trying to help people and they dont c it your way. good luck hope this helps! :)

Answer 10

Most likely you are coming off as an arrogant assshole. You may not be able to help yourself but when you friendless and can't get people to talk to you....your smartness should kick in and you should get the point. Get the picture now?

Answer 11

People don't like hearing the truth. They would rather not have someone "criticize" everything they do. No matter how hard you try to be helpful and honest, they will take offense because it's not what they want to hear. Good luck.