Is it just me? Please help!!!?

Question

I have been married for 3 yrs now and i dont know if its me or him. He says its me. But anyway here it goes:
My husband gets jelous when i talk to any guys at all
He doesnt want me to have friends (not even girls) he says that being married and having friends doesnt work. Because they can influence you to do bad things
If you are married you should never do anything without each other.
He thinks that every guy i work with at my job i am having sex with
He doesnt let me do anything or go anywhere by myself or without his permission
if he is too tired to have sex he wont have sex with me but one night i was in a bad mood and told him i dont want to have sex because im in a bad mood so he got mad and went to the living room to sleep and then later came back and told me that i should have worded it better
He doesn't hit me but i sometimes think he is emotionally and mentally abusive to me but i dont know if its just me or not
There is alot more. PLEASE HELP IS IT ME!

Answer 1

Honey, it's absolutely NOT you!!! You are YOU, not just his wife. You are an adult and should be able to be friends with others, hobbies other than what he likes, etc. You DON'T have to do everything together. You are you're own person. The fact that he doesn't trust you with male co-workers is a classic sign that HE should NOT be trusted because his way of thinking is "Well, if I'm capable of doing it, she must be doing it too".

You should not have to walk on eggshells in your own house. My husband and I were having some problems and he made me feel like everything I did was wrong. He got irritated by every move I made and everything I said and did and we were miserable. I was so confused because it was my first (and hopefully only) marriage and I was extremely disappointed in marriage and him.

One day I had an epiphany. I was letting myself be changed by him. I no longer stood up for what I thought and what I did or did not like. I was no longer ME. I hate to be crude, but one day I thought to myself "What the f*ck is wrong with me? He married me. All my thoughts, flaws, mistakes, passions, talents, everything.....and I've been hiding myself. Well, screw that!!!"

He came home from work and I told him. I WILL BE MYSELF AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU CAN LEAVE BECAUSE I CAN DO THIS WITHOUT YOU AND BE HAPPIER. IT'S YOUR CHOICE.

To tell the truth, our marriage has never been better and I'm crazy about him. If he gets slightly irritated at something I do, too bad. Everyone isn't perfect and he certainly isn't. Suck it up, Man!!! You are far from perfect!

If he doesn't change, get out. Life is too short to live with someone who doesn't appreciate you for everything you are. Be yourself.

Take care,

Joyce

Answer 2

No, it is not you. Everyone needs friends and interests outside of their marriage. That is healthy. You need the support of good friends. Your husband sounds very insecure and controlling, not to mention completely selfish. You are a grown person entitled to a bad mood now and then and the option to have or not have sex without it being a problem. Yes-he is emotionally and mentally abusing you. Sounds like you guys need counseling to figure out where all of his insecurity is coming from. Do you love him and want this to work? If you do, seek counseling, if not, seek a good divorce lawyer. Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 3

you need to sit and talk with him and ask him if you have ever given him a reason to not trust you, ask him if he trusts you, tell him that it is important to have trust in a marriage. and he needs to realize he is a real jelouse guy and that that puts a strain on the marriag big time, that he is not giving you any room to breathe. and that you can have friend, that you are a big girl now and you know how to make choices for your self and not listen to what others say, that you do know that the marriage is the two of you and not you and your friends, that he needs to learn how to trust you. make sure that he understands that you love spending time with him, and that you do think that spending most of your time with him is exeptable but that ladies do need time to get out and just mingle and have some coffee or shop a little together. tell him that you are there 100 % in helping him get over the jelousy issues even if that means going to see a counselor and getting help that way, that you will be there for him. he needs to know a marriage is a give and take situation as well as two way street. tell him that if you did not love him and want what is best for your marriage you never would have married him. i wish you much luck, it wil not be easy, but as long as he is trying to change support him, and let him know when he is doing better so that he feels that you recongize that he is trying.

Answer 4

This is an abusive relationship, emotionally abuse. You should go seek a counselor if you really want to stay with your husband and work things out. He is trying to control you for some reason unknown. You can talk to him about why he feels this way. He may or may not tell you. Let him know that this behavior is tearing you guys apart. Maybe he will open up to you. I suggest seeking marriage counseling.

Answer 5

You are absolutely and without a doubt, in an abusive relationship that is very scary. You need to talk to someone in authority, whether it be a therapist or someone at a local women's shelter. Your husband sounds like the kind of guy who will not let you leave, but it's something you're going to have to do eventually to save yourself. Don't be lulled into thinking it's okay just because he hasn't hit you yet. What he's doing is just as bad, and believe me, he will get around to becoming physical as well. His type ALWAYS does. Do yourself a favor, sweety, and get yourself out of that marriage as soon as you can. What he's doing to you is not love, and don't forget that.

Answer 6

No, it's NOT you. It sounds like he is a possessive control freak. Being married and having friends don't work? He does not want you to have anyone in your life except him because he is afraid someone may tell you just how wrong you are being treated. A grown woman should not have to have "permission" to go ANYWHERE. It is common courtesy to let your partner know what you are doing, but that is not what you are describing. I was with a similar man for 10 years. It NEVER gets any better, trust me. Get out now, and save yourself years of misery

Answer 7

He does sound like he's very insecure. Was he cheated on before on another relationship? It sounds like almost he expects you to cheat. Eventually this will take a toll on you because you're gonna feel like a prisoner in your own home. Yes married people should spend time toguether but is not healthy to be attached to someone in such a way you have to control their every move. A healthy relationship needs trust. I suggest you talk to him and ask him to see a marriage counselor with therapy you can make things better but if he's behavior doesn't change things will not get easier for either one of you. I don't think he's happy with this situation either he's showing it by the way he acts.

Answer 8

He is definately controlling. Why shouldn't you have friends? They are important to your development as a person. Have you ever done anything that would make him question your faithfullness? Did he ever find an email or phone number on your cell of a guy that you dismissed as a friend or something? Well, its obvious that having friendships with guys (individually and not in a group) could spell trouble for you. I mean would you like him to have girls that are his "friends"? But nonetheless, he shouldn't be so insecure. I just wonder if there is something in your history that you aren't telling us.

Answer 9

this guy seems to be extremely insecure and abusive, emotionally and mentally. you would be wise to consider your own needs here, because he is clearly unreasonable.
I used to work with abused women, and from what I have seen, a good rule of thumb is that if you have to ask yourself, or anyone else, if your boyfriend's actions qualify as abuse, you are probably being abused. I think you should either get into counseling (both of you), or think about getting out. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Unless you teo come to an agreement on things, your marriage willjust get worst. I think your husband is very insecure and maybe needs a little reasurance.

His jealousy is out of control and it may even lead to you having to quit your job so he knows where you are all the time.

Have you thought of marriage counselling?