We have been married for only four months, but one of the things that he promised to do was to close this checking account with his ex-wife as soon as we said I do. After the honeymoon I asked him again had he done it, and he stated that he was working on it, and that it would be done, for me not to worry. The account holds no purpose because this woman does not work, and we have custody of their only child. She is sneaky and wants to cause trouble in our marriage. She even went as far as to say that he was marrying me because he was "desperate". Now, I've been wondering why my husband only calls her when he is at work. When she calls his cell phone at home he gives the phone directly to their son. She NEVER calls the house phone, only his cell. All of this is very suspicious because they just got divorced right before we got married. Finding out that he kept this joint account with her really hurts, and I feel as though I can't trust him. What would you do?
2006-06-29 06:51:34 · 17 answers · asked by candy0813 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, I didn't think that him being newly divorced would pose any problems because she lives in CT and we live in VA. I have talked to him, and he says that he has our car insurance coming out of that account and it would be to much of a hassle to close it. He also threw in my face that I have not changed my last name yet, so why should I have a problem with this. That pisses me off because I have tried to change my name at the DMV, but I had to do it at SS first. I have some issues that I have to resolve with them first, and he KNOWS that. Why would he throw that in my face unless he knows that he is guilty of be a liar. Oh, and to the person who said that I have trust isses, You are dog on right I do? I'm tired of being lied to and played for a fool. Thanks for the answers, I have gone to God on this, so please pray for me.
2006-06-29 07:07:49 · update #1
Don't mince words...tell him straight up that the account will be closed in one week, or he'll be finding a new place to live. End of story.
As for the phone calls, ask him straight out why he's still got any sort of social relationship with his ex wife. If she wants to speak to their kid, she can call the house ONLY.
I would NOT put up with this kind of garbage and I would not let him string you along. You're right - it is extremely suspicious and you can tell him I said so!
What an A$$hole
2006-06-29 06:59:48 · answer #1 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How long have they been divorced? Shouldn't that have been settled in the divorce decree? I'm suspicious. Sounds like codependency. Personally, I think you guys are heading straight into a wall. He doesn't need his ex-wife's consent to close the account. It only takes one of the parties. As for the cell phone and passing to his son, that's normal. The key issue is that they just got divorced right before you got married. Is he harboring ANY feelings, good or bad? I'm not sure he is over the divorce yet. Seek counseling immediately. Even if he doesn't want to. You should for yourself.
2006-06-29 06:58:27 · answer #2 · answered by ntoriano 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dang girl, seems like you didn't give this marrying thing a whole lot of thought. Maybe you should have waited a while after his divorce was final, give him a chance to cool off. If he's still very involved with his ex-wife, guess what, they really are not divorced. They're still together, just not legally. You best get this straightened out, or you and him will be getting a divorce, while him and her are getting re-married.
2006-06-29 07:01:19 · answer #3 · answered by wild1handy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Changing automatic withdrawals isn't that difficult...just call your insurance co.and ask them to mail you the paperwork needed to change your EFT payments from one bank to another. When the paperwork comes in, fill it out completely and before mailing it out, tell him that you've taken care of it and that you will be mailing it off to the insurance co. If that is his only reason for not closing that account, then there shouldn't be any problems...if he still doesn't close it, then I'd question why he insists on keeping it open.
As far as him talking to his ex-wife at work, he could just be doing it because he doesn't want to cause conflict between you and him by talking to her in front of you. I don't like talking to my ex-husband in front of my husband because he gets uncomfortable. So to avoid that...when he calls I give my phone to my kids...or if there is something we need to discuss about the kids, I'll call him when my husband is not at home. (My husband knows...and he prefers it that way). **And there is nothing going on between us, no left over feelings or anything on my part**
BUT...use your intuition...if you feel that there is truly something wrong thats one thing...but if its just the open account...try helping him in getting it closed. I know i've put off closing an account because the thought of doing it seems more complicated than it actually is.
Good Luck!
2006-06-29 07:25:51 · answer #4 · answered by mitanbarr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel in agreement with Big Daddy Sarge....I often wonder why we are in a hurry to move on to things that we should know takes time.......especially divorce........especially children involved.........
you must feel threatened because situations weren't resolved before you took the big step...marriage. She might call him on the cell (due to calls upsetting you at your home) to discuss their child, etc. If they wanted to be together, why are they divorced?
I think a new wife feels an intrusion into her new life with her husband by the ex, but the fact remains that he was married before you and he did have a child...you cannot change that........
Do you know who left who? If he left her then you should kick back and realize that you are lucky to have found him and it is her loss. You must love him very much as you are willing to step iin and be the 2nd mother to his child....big responsiblity and also you will never have the alone time most couples have when it is their first marriage. You must have weighed all these things in your mind before deciding to marry......the less attention you give to his ex causing any type of trouble the better off you will be. I know that my husband tried to keep the peace and bent over backwards in regards to his ex due to their son. He didn't want him to experience anymore chaos than there had already been. Try not to be jealous or threatened as she will then have control over you and your happiness. You be in charge of that...not her!
The one thing that ex's need to be given is: boundaries and you need to adhere to them. New couples deserve respect and boundaries show that you aren't willing to be manipulated, etc. Talk with your husband and hopefully he feels comfortable and trusting enough to open up to you and honestly share his thoughts and listen to yours. Together you should be able to come up with good answers and solutions.
2006-06-29 07:16:41 · answer #5 · answered by Geez Louise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront him... confront him!! Ask him what the deal is!! Tell him that he is married to you and not to her.... if he wants this marriage to end up in divorce then he's doing a pretty good job of taking it there!! Tell him that she is no longer an importance to him... and that the money that he makes belongs with you two... and the joint account has to go or you're going!!
2006-06-29 07:07:48 · answer #6 · answered by UnKnOwN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As his WIFE, you have certain things that you should be able to expect from him.......doing what he said he would, is one of them. If he lies about that, what else will he lie about? Demand that he close that account today.......and go to the bank with him to see for yourself that he does it. Having said that, you have deeper problems in this marriage than an "open" checking account with his ex! There are TRUST issues! Solve them, or leave him!! Good Luck!!
2006-06-29 06:58:45 · answer #7 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would walk him to the bank and take care of it now. Get a new cell phone. Make it so she only calls on the house phone. You are the new law in town by his choice so let him know you won't put up with this crap NOW.
2006-06-29 07:00:01 · answer #8 · answered by tmb867 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you need to confront him and let him know how you feel about and ask him why does he still have the joint account there may be a good reason don't jump the gun too quick get the facts first!
2006-06-29 06:54:49 · answer #9 · answered by Danette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk to him and ask him what is going on. Let him know that if he doesn't close it that you are leaving because that is tying them together. He doesn't want to cut the strings with her and that why he is keeping it. Maybe he is giving her money through it. I would not deal with it.
2006-06-29 06:56:39 · answer #10 · answered by lil_jess20 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋