my wife does what her mom tells her too instead of me, is there a way to get her to stop it?

Question

i dont tell her what to its her decision making thats the problem.

Answer 1

probably not shes a girl version of a mommas boy

Answer 2

Having never been married before and not being very good at sociology, I am going to take a shot. I just recently read a book on sociology and last night I read an article that might or might not describe your mother in law.

Sounds like your mother-in-law _might_ have a controlling personality. If this is the case, you should look at why that is.

Maybe your mother-in-law needs something else to control now, since her daughter is grown and living with you - and hopefully the two of you are living somewhere else, not with her.

If you are living off of your mother in law, then both of you will have to listen to her.

Your mother in law is a wife and mother, and your wife is one or both of those things too. Plus, your wife grew up in the same household her mother was in. Obviously, they have a lot in common - and familiarity with the same family values and experiences creates a common bond of understanding.

You should try to understand those things too. Try to get your wife to tell you about what things were like when she was growing up, what she did at school, things that happened to her when she was a little kid and a young woman. Ask what her friends were like.

Maybe she never really had friends she could trust, and she always had to fall back on her family - meaning her mother.

Make sure your wife feels secure that you are taking care of her, that you are someone she can lean on for the long haul. Security is important to everyone, but especially mothers and future mothers. They create life and they want to protect it.

There is a fantastic book called "How to Win Friends and Influence People". I suggest you check out a copy from your local library. I am pretty sure they will have a copy. If not, buy it. It is always in print.

Other than that, if you are not retired - make sure you have a job and not just that but a career. The more you get along with other people and show good character, the more any good women will listen to you.

Try to learn more about people in general - and yourself, your wife, and her mother in particular. If their are old wounds, try to help salve them.

Consider going to marriage counciling with your wife if you cannot find a way on your own, or with her help - to clear this up. Your wife might benefit from hearing advice from an objective third party. Also, you might be able to get some tools/direction on things you can do to help increase her respect for your POV & opinions - and maybe your authority too.

Maybe her mom is smarter than you or thinks things through further and/or faster. If so, maybe you should try to get your mother-in-law to give you a little advice from time to time!

If nothing else works, and you are still finding your wife flouts your advice all the time, and only takes her mom's council - and that is somehow harmful, or simply hurts your feelings - try going to family counseling. Not just you and your wife, but all 3 of you. Your mother in law is part of this relationship, at least in a way, and so you might need to get her to participate in a solution too.

She might have a little more respect for you too, if you are willing to bare your soul in front of a marriage councillor. She could also empathize with you a little more, taking your feelings into account before she acts/speaks in the future.

Whoever is "right" or "wrong" - you both want the same thing: what is best for your wife. Keep that in mind, it is the key.

Answer 3

You need to give more details. it depends on what she is being told to do. You need to talk to your wife and explain to her that she is always doing what her mom says and that she needs to show you respect by taking your advice over her moms at least some of the time. See a family counselor if she still doesnt change.

Answer 4

Let her know how you feel. In most cases it should be that your spouse should listen to you over her parents. It may be hard because your wife may be really attached to her mom and vice versa. Just let both sides know how you feel and make this very clear. If she is no longer living under the same roof of her parents, (she is MARRIED to YOU) they have no say over what she does.

Answer 5

what are either of you doing telling her what to do.if you mean she doesnt include you then you have a big problem.didnt you know she was like this before you married her? my mother and i make all the family decisions but my husband knew that way before he married me.i do ask his advice but most of the time he really doesnt care anyway.

Answer 6

Some people are more influenced by parents... cant stop that

Try talking to her and dont have the mentality of control

You cant tell a woman what to do anyways, you have to ask nicely

Answer 7

just tell her that it is nice that she feels that she can go to her mother for advise but that you two are the ones that are married not them two, that she needs to run things by you first as respect for the fact that you are her husband and she should be going to you first, then if you cant help her on whatever it is it should be something both of you agree with at the time that it is ok to go to her mom for advice. but to tottaly skip over you and not go threw you is not respectful.

Answer 8

I understand completely. My mother-in-law was the center of my wife's world.. (Married 26 years now)(same woman) So, you CAN make it through it. I hate to pass this one on to ya...but...Women and Cat's will do as they please..and Men and Dogs will just have to get used to it.

Answer 9

talk to your wife. tell her what you feel. ask her why she does this and that. good communication will solve the problem.

Answer 10

Ask her about it. Talk about it.
And if all else fails, reboot:P.