How do you get out of depression and let people know that you are okay?

Question

My entire family thinks that I'm the most irresponisble person, they think I'm in major debt, and I've been the "black sheep" for ever. Im so OVER it. Its got so bad that I didnt talk to my mother or my sister(who's my bff) for almost 2 years. They have often plotted on me and intentionally screw with me just to see me fall to make the point of " oh, she failed again" - "she's never going to get it together". They're on pedestals while they set a bad image of me, they like that.
And honestly this has been my whole life and I think finally at this age Im setting into depression. I dont know what to do with myself or how to get away from it.
Everyone tells me just to ignore them and to not talk to them or keep my distance,......that does not work!!!

Answer 1

Maybe you should ignore them for awhile. Maybe counseling may help you cope with all of this and the depression you are dealing with.

Answer 2

My husband and I both come from families like that. I didn't speak to my mother for 5 years. My sister and I were so close my husband and I helped her raise her daughter. Now we haven't been close for the past 4 years. The only advice I can give you is just sit back and relax. Don't tell them when something goes wrong. And this is very important NEVER go for what they think is a good idea. You really need to learn how to say I will think about it. If after 24 hours it still seems like a good idea then try it. If it doesn't decline it. They are setting u up for the fall because they do not feel good about themselves and need you to fail at something in order to make themselves feel better. I am not sure how old you are, but around 25 I started to point out everything to them. After awhile it lessened but never went away. Another favorite of mine is "I am glad my shortcomings bring you such pleasure." I have used that with both sides and even after many years of using it they still never know what to say. Everytime I do catch them messing up a bit though, I like to blog it on myspace. Always a good time.

Answer 3

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear of this behavior on their parts. Please don't buy into it....they're being cruel and probably don't even realize just how cruel it is.

You need to rebuild your own sense of value. Start doing a little personal inventory to see if YOU like who you are. If you can write down all the characteristics you have that you like in other people, you're on the right course. If you waiver on some, determine that you will work on them. That's how we all have to build our own value.

It starts and ends with you because it's your life - nobody elses. Make it a happy one for you. Do things that please you. When you are happy, it somehow rubs off onto everyone you meet and you help brighten up the world.

As far as your mother and sister, you do need to stay away from them until they get the message that they can't treat you any way they feel like it. When they see that you aren't going to allow it any more, they will stop what they're doing.

As Dr. Phil always says "we teach people how to treat us".........we really do. If we let them say things about or to us that hurt, we've taught them it's ok to hurt us. If we stand up and move away, they will start realizing we're not going to allow it any longer.

Busy your life with better things. People need people, so join a group and get started making new friends, who will respect you. There are so many you can get involved in. If you enjoy poetry, there are groups that meet and have fun with it. There are reading groups in the libraries. There is painting and music that you could take up as hobbies. Take a course in night school or community college. Something that will give you pleasure. Dancing, writing, yoga........

You are important or you wouldn't be on this earth. Value yourself as the precious gift you are and others will feel that from you and start doing the same.

Never give in to depression........it's just too hard to find your way back out again. Don't stay too long all by yourself, it's too much time to find fault and build resentments. go walking or biking or swimming every day. It's summer, let the sun fill your body and mind with it's perfect vitamins.

It's mind over matter now. Just don't think about it too much. Map yourself a plan of things to do and do them.

Best of luck to you. Be happy. It's a short life.

Answer 4

I urge you to seek advice from a physician, counselor, therapist, religious leader, or other knowledgeable person who is either not acquainted with your family or is bound by confidentiality. I've suffered from depression, alcoholism, and just plain not being like other people for most of my life. AA, therapy and meds have completely changed me for the better.

Realize that you cannot control what your family thinks and does, and live for yourself. Families are such close relationships that often people think they know why another family member is doing what he/she's doing, and can't see the "real" reasons. They can become blinded by close association.

Don't ever do things just because you think they will appreciate it. Chances are they won't, at least not in the way you hope they will. But if you play by the golden rule (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you), you will be happier if only because you will know that you're making the kind and honest choices in life, not the hateful and dishonest ones, which only bring more grief.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

Why doesn't that work? If they are actually doing what you say they are doing, then they are a bad thing for your life and your future happiness, and you should get as far away from them as you can. I do not believe in the superiority of blood ties over any other interpersonal connection. If they are bad for you, it doesn't matter who they are - cut them out of your life.

For maximum effect, save up a couple months' rent (you claim you're not in major debt anymore; this should be feasible), get work someplace with multiple locations (nationwide is best), and finagle your way into getting transferred to another location in another state. If you are as with-it and together as you claim to be (and as you claim they think you're not), you shouldn't have too much trouble re-establishing yourself in a new city, and you'll be well outside their poisoned sphere of influence.

Now, with that being said, have you actually talked to a professional about all this yet? I can't recommend that enough, as the professional will know exactly what sort of things to ask to try and get at what's really going on.

Answer 6

Sit down by yourself and make a list of all the things in your life that you are glad about. The people in your life, the things you have accomplished. Remember that there is no other person that is just like you. The bible says we are all fearfully and wonderfully made. You have gifts, talents and abilities that are needed and wanted. It sounds like your family doesn't appreciate who you are. I would find some people that will love, accept and affirm you.

I understand how painful it is to be around your family. Just remember that they don't determine your worth or your value. You may want to speak with a counselor and vent some of your feelings. You can come away with some good ideas on how to move past this painful place you are in.

Answer 7

To be honest with you I would pray for them, and then pray for yourself. The only true way, I believe, to get rid of depression is by becoming whole, and the only way to become whole is through the love of Jesus Christ. (Romans 10:9). Now as it comes to your sister and your mother i would say don't ignore them but face them not in a combative way but lovingly, tell them you want to come over and talk with them and get everything out on the table for you to speak your mind and for them to speak theirs. Then tell them we can't leave until this is settled. Then after that call a truce and see how that plays out. Finally if they still don't change their ways don't have fear (II Timothy 1:7). Pray for them love them, and then take care of yourself from afar. Just because you have fallen before does not mean that you will fall again, and even if you do just get back up and try again and have faith that the Lord will help you through.

Answer 8

If you think you need a doctor, see a doctor and get his advice. You may need counseling. When you are happy in your skin, it will not matter what your family thinks. You can be treated for depression.

Your family sounds like they have some problems. All of our families have problems. You have to learn to deal with them or to not deal with them at all. You cannot be around them if they are going to make you miserable. You came into this world alone. You will go out alone. You have to make yourself a strong person. Every family has a black sheep. They have to blame someone.

Answer 9

While family is important, it should not be detrimental to your health (mental health counts). If they are having such an adverse effect on you then you should distance yourself from them. You should also make it clear to them how you feel. I would also recommend professional counseling and if the depression is bad enough, you should consider antidepressants. Depression is serious and can affect your physical health as well and while medication is not a cure all, it can help along with counseling until you resolve the issues.

Answer 10

If BFF means "best friend forever," then you need to get a new friend. I don't know how old you are, but go to some age-appropriate hot spots and just make some friends. It's good that you're out of debt, but don't take sh*t from your mom and sister about past mistakes. Stand up for yourself!

Answer 11

It doesn't work, all that is is running away from your problems.

What you need to do is use your mom and sister as fuel. Fuel to do right by you. Take that anger, that hate, that saddness and turn it into determination to better yourself. And if they do offer to help just kindly say, thanks but no thanks i can do it on my own.

I am in debt as well and debt is not the end of the world. i want to buy a house and my family is like yeah right your never going to do it. Well you just watch, i have goals and i will reach them for the satisfaction of proveing them ALL wrong. that will be a great day. And its going to be you proving them all wrong you see.

You will never become who you want to be by remaining who you are. (think about it)