My boyfriend moved cross continents to be with me. Since he's been here i don't feel the same about him. I want my space. We fight constantly. He's miserable. Worst of all I feel bad cos he does not have a job and I feel guilty leaving him in such a state. He does not want just any other job cos he's 'too qualified'. I've tried telling him to get something for the meantime. Atleast that won't make him so depressed. I'm emotionally drained and want out of this but I don't know where to start cos I feel like it's all my fault he's here in the first place. What to do?
2006-06-29 05:27:51 · 13 answers · asked by Lucky 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I can see how that would make you feel. It's not your fault that he's here. He made the decision to move. He can't make you feel guilty about that. Maybe he's just homesick and struggling to settle in. You were here first and have an established routine. He probably feels as though he's fitting in around your life, rather than living his own. I think you're right about him getting a job though. He should get a bar job or some other sociable type of job and make some friends of his own.He can still look for other work and even attend interviews if he works evenings. He needs some structure to his life, and you both need some space from eachother. Good luck.
2006-06-29 05:35:02 · answer #1 · answered by R.I.P. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you poor people, I know it's you that is really unhappy with the way things are, but you have to talk to him asap, you can't string the poor bloke on indefinitely, you must tell him how you feel. You never know he may be as unhappy as you are, but you wont know how he feels unless you talk about it. It could be that he is not willing to find work because he doesn't want to stay with you, are you in the UK or where. He may be really regretting making the move to be with you, but you wont know until you ask... I wish you all the luck in the world sweetheart, this is a really awful situation to be in. You have been big enough to put your hand up and say I have caused this situation, it's my fault. I really do admire you're honesty and courage, those two qualities alone will get you through this. I could cry because you are both so unhappy, take care beauty I hope it works out okay for you BOTH xxxxxx
2006-06-29 12:41:24 · answer #2 · answered by mams brown eyed gel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow I thought my life was complex. It's not a good situation you are in and it's obviously making you miserable,
You MUST tell him that you have made a mistake and that he must go back to where he came from because of the emotional drainings it has on you. It will make you ill if you don't resolve this now AND I KNOW HE WON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SAY BUT IT'S ONE LAST ARGUMENT OR A LIFETIME OF UNHAPPINESS.
Good Luck girl...
2006-06-29 12:33:46 · answer #3 · answered by rockin mermaid 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont feel bad it just didnt work out is all....... tell him is time to go back where he came from if his broke how ever i would try to help him to at least pay for half of the fare back home he is responsable for the other half because the desision of him comming to you were taken by the both of you.. but yeah tell him his gots to go. you will be more sorry if you stay with him and miss on your happiness,there is nothing wrong with you wanting out and he should agree with you and move on..and if he dont agree who cares? you want out and that is all that matters ...good luck.
2006-06-29 13:31:07 · answer #4 · answered by boricua_2290 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of people have trouble adjusting when they move in together and you have a ton of added pressure on top of that. Before you break it off completely, try talking to someone together- therapist, priest or whoever. It might just be a matter of learning to live together and then the feelings will be back.
2006-06-29 12:48:18 · answer #5 · answered by Lynn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not your fault as you didn't force him to move - it was his decision in the end. He should get a temp job doing something until another better one comes up though. It's up to him to build a new life there with a new career etc.
2006-06-29 12:35:09 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to get this sorted out as soon as possible.
Do not feel guilty about his lack of a job - it is not your fault.
Tell him how you feel, make a clean break & get on with the rest of your life.
Life is too short to be wasting it like this. Make a decision & stick to it.
2006-06-29 13:43:50 · answer #7 · answered by monkeyface 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The move was his choice, so no basis for guilt.
You are clearly both miserable...a lose, lose sitauation.
Both of you need to move to the win, win.
You need to talk and as imortant, to listen. He is probably feeling much the same as yourself.
Good luck!
2006-06-29 12:37:55 · answer #8 · answered by Ade Babe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you should be honest with him. If you find it hard to tell him, just show him what you have written here and then he will know for sure. There must have been love there once, it is just a shame there is no more.
2006-06-29 12:34:03 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Somtimes when you are around someone all the time, you don't feel the same....maybe you should carefully tell him that you need your own space ,and everything you just explained, to him. Hope it works out!
2006-06-29 12:31:27 · answer #10 · answered by SunnySideUp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋