How should I proceed with my marriage?

Question

I'm sure my wife has cheated although she will not own up to it. However, I also believe that the affair has ended and she has started to turn her attention back to me but will not have sex with me. Should I continue on working on the "here and now" of the relationship or should I press her for answers and details about the affair?

Answer 1

it sounds like you've forgiven her for the affair (so drop it - i'm sure years from now it will come out if need be), but she hasn't forgiven herself. perhaps you should tell you forgive and want a happy marriage and want to have sex like you used to.

tell her you're willing to do whatever it takes to have a happy marriage again because you love her so.

Answer 2

Sometimes what we want is not what the other person wants. It takes two to make a marriage work and it doesn't sound as if she is into this marriage. No sex, oh brother, you both need counseling. You can not work on the marriage alone. That just won't fly, never has never will. Talk to her about getting professional help in your marriage and if she refuses, I'd say your marriage is about over. What are you going to do stay around until you suspect there is another affair and then wait again until you suspect it is over and suspect she's back to you. What a miserable way to live. I don't think there is any benefit in having a sham marriage and if she doesn't want to work on the marriage, I'd say, you don't have a wife, you have a roommate.

Answer 3

Although you seem to have come to terms with the possibility that your wife cheated on you, she seems to be feeling guilty.

I would suggest that you have a 'light' (not funny, but not tense) conversation with her. Let her know that you think she has been unfaithful and you just want to know why. The details like who and when and how often can be sorted out later. The most important thing is to find the reason she did what she did and figure a solution so it will not happen again.

Let her know that you still ove her and you are willing to wait until she is willing to let out the rest. The thing is even though you were the injured party, playing the matyr right now may just drive her away and the truth is I think you want to save your marriage.

Now, even though I've said all this, if for any reason you feel she's not being honest or the other relationship is just on hold until you trust her again RUN!!!

Answer 4

I am very sorry. This is just me but if she can't be honest with you and own up to it then she isn't really working to make things work or focus back in on you. Marriage is more than just one person trying. You both have to work and contribute. So if your trying and she isn't all that much, then look at what your doing. I know it would be hard to leave someone you really love, but if she is cheating you never know when she may do it again. You never know. I would be a 100% sure that she is cheating though. Mistakes do happen. I am not making much sense, but I do wish you and your wife the best of luck.

Answer 5

The worst part about thinking that she had an affair is that you have to rebuild the trust between you two. If you don't think that trust will ever be there then you may want to press her for more information or suggest couples counseling to work on that. If you think that you will be able to let it go and trust her completely again then focus on the here and now. Love is a tricky, game my friend, and not many are ready to play.

Answer 6

Seriously, Are you really asking whether you should communicate with your wife about a topic this important? Well, I at least know of one reason why your marriage is in trouble.

Poor communication almost always leads to a lack of trust which feeds back into poor communication. See the cycle?

Get ye to a marriage counselor post haste.

Answer 7

You don't need to press her for answers on the affair. You really don't want to hear them. You need to press her on what's wrong with her not wanting to fulfill her wifely duties, or is there more to this story on your part? Otherwise, you should let her know that you aren't willing to do without a consensual marriage, and let her make the decision on how things will pan out.

Answer 8

Forgive her first and fore most. One should always forgive once.... if you suspect her again then that's a whole new situation. She will surely come back to you for sex when she feels you don't have any animosity towards her. You shouldn't forgive her publicly to her, just in your own self and then forget about it all together. Romance your wife as though you two have just met and you want nothing more than her love. Best wishes

Answer 9

Ooh. This is a tough one. I think you should have a nice dinner, just the two of you, and then just say, "Honey (or whatever you call her), I love you. I always will no matter what, and you know you can tell me anything." Make sure you mean it completly. Don't press her. That could end up in divorce. If youget the feeling she is having another affair, confront her, gently. Tell her you love her alot. Tell her every day.Hope it works out for you! ^_^

Answer 10

Ditch her. You don't trust her. As long as she doesn't own up to it (IF she did anything and you're not just being a paranoid freak) then you will never trust her and it will just eat away at you. You can waste more time trying to forget it but in the end you won't until she either confesses it or leaves you for not trusting her.

Answer 11

Until you believe her you can't fix your relationship. Right now you two are at a stand still and either she has to tell you she had an affair or you have to decide to believe that she didn't. Until you do that neither of you is ever going to be able to move forward because you can't trust one another.