What evidence supports the assertions made by many gays that bisexual people are mostly homosexual?

Question

I am a bi. I'm married. Sex with my wife is great. We make love 3-5 times a wk. I don't desire other women but have had many women in my life. I'm committed to her as the only woman 4 me. We've been together for 20 yrs. She's happy & we communicate about our needs. Barring some hidden desire I don't know about she's fulfilled in the relationship. As 4 me in my desire for women she's the most fulfilling woman & best 1 for me I could've found. On the other hand I still have desires for men. I am strongly attracted to men & would like to have some 1 to have a relationship with. I'll probably never have that because although it's a constant temptation I have resisted it for 20 yrs and will likely continue. I'm not interested in an exclusively gay relationship as I would miss the emotional and sexual pleasures of a woman. Just as I feel the emptiness of not having a masculine love now. Why do some gays tell me I am not truly bi? What evidence supports that most bi are more homo than hetero.

I got an email today from a homosexual. Subject: you are in denial!!! ADMIT YOU'RE A F@G
That is what prompted this question.

I guess I should not be surprised that there are bigots in every group.
I guess some homosexuals are incapable of understanding bisexuals being born with desires for both genders just like straights cant understand that homosexuals and bisexuals are born this way.

Answer 1

Randy - don't let the beggars get you down, mad or downright mad about it.

It must be Bash-a-Bi day today (though so far I've avoided anything personal), in particular, the question about closet-bi-&-homosexuality-is-a-choice. I even thought that the guy that answered "research shows that Bi's are mostly gay" missed the point.

I've often argued that the labels we apply are pointless, anyway. Like there's a mutually exclusive set of 3 discrete types (Bi-folk do count!) and not a continuous range of orientation. It's not whichever word you hide behind it's what you feel (and do), that counts.

I've had more male lovers than female ones, does that mean I'm more gay than straight? Or is it down to opportunity and chance?

I was tempted to statistically prove that there are fewer "gayish" bi-folk than "straitish" ones. Statistics can be (and frequently are) dressed to make the point desired by the speaker, even as the words express a viewpoint.

But the only words that matter are "I love you" and, with 20 years of faithful marriage behind you, you've clearly got their measure in bucket loads.

Oi! Biphobes! Beggar off!

EDIT (In response to DKlyde): Based on your description of the scientific experiment, I would rate it as a poorly developed exercise (I won't say Bad science - as I've not read the paper).

Never mind that their premise of equal arousal across gay, lesbian and straight sex is pansexual (one more directly applicable to true hermaphrodites - not intersexes) and not bisexuals - how did they mitigate for the visual interpretation of what was shown the test subjects?

If I watch gay sex I can directly associate with either participant. If I watch straight sex I can directly associate with the male. In both these cases I COULD BE one of the participants.

In the lesbian sex show, whilst I am aroused, it is because I imagine myself being accepted into their loving embrace. This alters the DIRECT visual impact of the movie I am being shown and requires higher brain function to re-interpret from what is shown to what I'd like to envisage (fantasy).

As you've described it, it could equally be argued that this proves self-identified bi-males interpret visual stimuli of sexual activity differently, dependent on the type of stimulus.

Additionally, what is the definition of a bi-male? The science showed arousal on viewing gay sex and arousal on viewing straight sex... go figure!

EDIT2 (for baxteray): If you've had a bad experience with bi-folk (your S.O. left you for another gender, for example) then I'm sorry for you. But please understand, there is no choice to be made with regards to sexual orientation. You may be straight, you may be gay OR you may be Bi. The only choice we have as bisexuals is whether or not to pursue the person we're attracted to (same as for straights and gays, don't you know?).

EDITS 3 & 4 (for D~~ & WaterGoddess): Blame society for it's dogmatic attitude that we pair up monogomously [for life]. THIS IS the biggest issue with which bisexuals have to contend. We are obliged to deny a part of ourselves, in order to fit into the normal social construct. So does that mean our desires go away? Heck no! We just have to muddle on through - keeping them at bay - all for the one we love and are with. Monosexuals have a similar problem in resisting the temptation to stray, there's just that additional facet for Bi-folk - and it's NOT just more people by whom to be tempted! I think Randy W's written it elsewhere (I'm paraphrasing), the fulfilment we derive from being with one gender can or does differ from that which we get from the other. Does that make bisexuals more likely to stray, "or run and switch sides when the going gets tough"? Those of us Bi-folk with a lesser character, possibly - but all of us? Tar & Brush, methinks.

Finally, just because our language & perception is so caught up in duality - up/down; black/white; male/female; left/right and, my favourite, right/wrong;... - this shouldn't mean that those with the emotional capacity to do so shouldn't try forming a "triple" or a "quadruple" over the accepted couple - see we don't even have the words to describe any multi-centre relationship possibilities, other than just as the act of sex with two (or three) partners; a threesome or ménage à trois (or foursome) - excepting that it is seen as polygamous.

However marriage was, ostensibly, derived by straight monosexuals (for straight monosexuals - hence all the difficulties being experienced in the US) and I wouldn't propose a polygamy with obeisance (subjugation of one gender into subservience), but rather equality and inter-commitment (A panacea that would, undoubtedly, add a very fluid dynamic to the relationships of the participants). But, I'm the first to admit, we've probably been too conditioned into the Duality paradigm, for it to work.

People are still going to be so narrow as to stereotype all Bisexuals as being "Hedonistic Sluts" or "indecisive monosexuals"; lacking the morals to behave responsibly, in relationships into which they have committed.

I just hope they stop posting here - much as the Gays and Lesbians want the homophobes to butt out of their lives.

Rant over. If you made it, thanks for reading this far!

Answer 2

The thing that mostly fuels the misconception is the fact that some people do temporarily identify as bisexual prior to coming out as homosexual. This doesn't mean all bisexuals are "in transition".

Whilst some may be in transition, there are in fact a lot of people who remain bisexual for their whole lives.

Another thing is that bisexuals tend to be attracted more to one gender than the other, and can sometimes identify as a homosexual leaning bisexual, or a heterosexual leaning bisexual. A society that can only think in black and white has no concept of the person in the middle.

Answer 3

There are true bisexuals in the world that are born bi, just like other people are born straight or born lesbian/gay. You just have to get rid of the sterotypes and try to educate people about bisexauals, or ignore them. People fear what they don't understand, even lesbian/gay people.

On the other side of that don't send mixed messages. Like above you said how much you love your wife and that you are married to her, but also have feelings for men still. Ok. But don't forget to add that you will only be with your wife unless you two break up then maybe another woman or a man. So the cheating thing or threesome rumor doesn't pop up, they are bad sterotypes bisexuals have to stay away from & make clear they are untrue.

Answer 4

Personally, speaking for myself, I don't really go with the idea that everyone is bi, or that anyone is, for that matter.

Unfortunately, for people who truly feel bi, there is little acceptance, because neither the straight nor the gay community accepts it. I think men are bi because our society frowns upon male bonding, where as women are free to do it. Sometimes men just need to hold hands, or embrace each other the way woman can, without being called gay. This puts enormous pressure on men to hide their feelings. Seen another way, men are much more sexual then women, and men have a need to climax that women don't, so if a man bonds with another man with a handshake or a hug, it has more of a chance of leading into something else.

I am gay but I will be honest and say that the reason gay men say that bi men are actually closet homos is because we want you sexually. The hard truth, there you go.

Answer 5

I believe there are varying degrees of being gay...bi...and straight.
I know bisexual people who tend to lean toward the straight end of the spectrum. We're all over the scale.
Pay no attention to the gays that bash you for being bi and living in a straight relationship.
There is no evidence to support their claims that you are completely gay.
It's a personal thing.
Live and let live.

Answer 6

No one has the right to tell you what your sexuality is, weather they are gay or straight. Only you know. I think it's sad that after all gays have been through a few still can't see that being bi is real and a part of who a person is. Maybe they say that because they worry that they are bi themselves. Maybe they are insecure in their own orientation. Whatever the reason, I'm sorry you have to put up with that.

Answer 7

There is no evidence and they are wrong.

It is an accusation from homosexuals who don't believe that true bisexuality can exist.

It is an accusation from heterosexuals who believe that anyone who has any kind of sex with people of the same gender is homosexual, no matter how you slice them.

Not all people of either sexuality believe these things. I, for one, am a gay male and believe it exists.

Just live your life and try to ignore ignorance. They aren't you -- they don't know your life.

Answer 8

There have been studies where they hooked self identified bi-men up to a machine that measures sexual excitement. They then showed them three different types of porn. straight, girl on girl and boy on boy. The vast majority showed some excitement to the straight almost no excitement with the G&G but a great deal of excitement to the B&B.

The researchers concluded that if the men were really bi they would have shown equal excitement at all with some slight variations but that wasn't the case. Sorry I don't have the studies handy but a yahoo search should turn up something.

This is not to say you're gay some of the men did have the equal levels of arousal the researches expected you would have been one of them i guess.

Answer 9

Actually most gay people are BI, as are most straight people. Very few people on the Kinsey scale are COMPLETELY straight or COMPLETELY gay. Most fall somewhere in between. While I don't understand Bisexuals. I know they exist and many people claim to be BI to soften the blow of homosexuality or to appeal to gays as safer, or like to bounce between the straight world and the gay world taking what they want from both to serve their own needs and that (I beleive) hurts the BI community.
So I beleive there are bi's that are bi's. But there are Bi's that take advantage and further the stereotype as wishy/washy and gay lite, (tastes great-less threatening). You don't seem to be one at all, but take note we're taking our ques from examples we see.
Sorry some have to ruin it for you.

Answer 10

i think gays are in denial that a bi people can exist,i know where you are coming from totally,i believe i was born gay but i crave both sexes.i am in a relationship with a man after years of being confused,I've been in relationships with women also,at this time i just prefer the relationship part to be with a man,does that make sense?i could be happy with either really,i just havent found the right woman.i also think gays see it as you cant be half gay,all or nothing.which is fine,thats their belief,it sort of confusing actually

Answer 11

Randy,
I've actually heard the opposite, that bi's are actually straight wanting to play with gays.........both Jen & you bear this out.....too often I've heard people say they are bi but the primary relationship is always the opposite sex...........so this makes me wonder..........

Just some food for thought and my own 2 cents....