How should we handle the other woman. My husband and myself seeked intenstive counseling and are back togethe

Question

She made sure she would always be in the picture by becoming pregnant. My husband is paying childsupport, however, she leaves him messages at work claiming that the baby is sick ect.
he has changed his cell number so she can not call him. He does want to have a relationship with the child, however, he does not want to have anything to do with the mother. He knew he was totally wrong but he never intended to be with her more less have a child with her. He said that he would never leave me or his kids, but he was being selfish and wanted attention and never should have had an affair. The other woman has tried everything in her power to ensure that I walk away from him so she can have him.
I do believe my marriage is worth saving, however, their is an innocent person involved. I am not angry at her because it is totally my husband fault for dealing with someone like that, however, how can we handle the other woman that is trying to cause problems in our marrige?

Answer 1

blaming the other woman is a sign of weakness your husband cheated on you no one twisted his arm and no one made him turn his head away from you to seek another woman. No one should be blamed but him.

Answer 2

I knew someone in that same situation and it was hard for her. But she knew he loved her and wanted only her so she did the right thing. First they talked it out so it wouldn't have to brought up again then he went through the courts to pay his support which made the kids mom mad(Oh well) then he had insurance on the kid and told her to take him to the doc when he got sick or hurt. As for her(the wife) part she supported him by being good around the other women. She was very angry but she hold it back. She would unvent to her dear friend or sometimes to him. But never at him. They did this for 19 yrs and now they are over the support and he has a great relationship with his son and she(the kids mom) never had a chance with the husband and the women knew that but it took some strength on the wife's part to stand by the husband. If you really love him you can do the same.

Answer 3

You are obviously a very strong and forgiving person. The fact of the matter is that your husband not only cheated on you, but he did not use protection, thus endangering all three of you. If, however, you feel that your marriage can be saved, than you will just have to accept that this women is now a part of your life. He cannot have a relationship with his child and not have one with the mother. These things go hand in hand. Apart from trying to either get custody or a court-ordered visitation arrangement, her behavior will not change. Good luck to you!

Answer 4

You and your husband have some issues for one it takes two totangle she didn't do it alone,
for two that child shouldn't have to suffer b/c your husband doesn't want to be bother with the mother he knew what the consequences could be by having un-protected sex so now he needs to man up!
If you two are going to save your marriage you need to start by accepting that he has a child outside of it and encourage him to be a figure in the childs life, he needs to get visitation along with the child support that he is paying and he needs to take her to court and let the judge know that she harrasses him and uses the child as an excuse to do it!
There are many things you two can do but the most important is being there for that child it sounds like the mother has her own issues and still wants to be with your husband but it's not totally her faukt if he wouldn't have cheated in the first place he wouldn't be in the situation he's in now!

Answer 5

WOW! And I thought my dilemma was bad. You're obviously a very good & strong person for accepting the things you cannot change. Your husband is clearly in the wrong for having cheated on you. My first thought is that he doesn't deserve you and your children anyway. My second thought is that he is very lucky to have you by his side right now. I'm not sure how you should handle this other situation though. I would have bowed out when I found out my husbands "girlfriend" was pregnant and having the baby. Good Luck with what you decide to do.

Answer 6

You need to have a serious talk with her and tell her that your husband will be involved with the child, but he wants nothing to do with her. That you are back together and no matter what trouble she tries to cause that you are staying together and she needs to accept this and move on. By the way you are handling it a lot better than I would. Good Luck, you must have a very forgiving nature and the patience of a Saint.

Answer 7

That is a hard one, honey. I commend you on both of your parts for making it last. Divorce is so ugly. I'm glad you avoided it. The other woman needs some boundaries. You have the right to take authority and enforce those boundaries. Love the child as if that child were your own. An unmentionable member of my family has an "other woman" scenario that has spanned over 40 years. So, prepare for her to be persistent. It is up to your husband to be very one-sided with her. Sounds like you all are on the right track dealing with this unfortunate event. Be forgiving of him and consistent. My prayers are with you.

Answer 8

It doesn't sound like to me that your husband quite knows how to handle this, so, it's up to you. Go to this lady and take him with you. You both sit her down and you tell her that you need to set up a visitation schedule for him to see his child and that the only way there is to be any contact with your husband is through you, have your husband tell her the same thing. After all she knew he was married when she slept with him. Tell her also that if she persists that you will have her contact an attorney everytime she needs to speak with your husband. This will make her stop and think, maybe he doesn't want me. If this does not work you may have to do it through the legal system. Tell your hubby to stand up to her and if he sticks by you it should resolve itself soon.

Answer 9

Your husband must decide to what extent he will be involved with the mother of his other child to support a relationship with the child. He may have to make a hard decision. If the mother is not willing to accept the limitations he places on that relationship to protect his primary family, then he will have to decide if having a relationship with that child is worth it if it ends up costing him his relationship with you and his primary family.

Answer 10

You are a stronger person than most for wanting to try and deal with this arrangement that he brought into your life. I finally got tired, and let him & her make each other miserable. After 31 yrs, I deserved some peace of mind in my life, even though I still loved him. You can only take so much without putting yourself in jepardy by wanting to hurt both of them. He knew what he could loose by cheating, and chose to do it any way regardless to his excuses. He chose to make your life with him agoney, just to go after something that he could have asked you for. Spice in your marriage was something you could have handled, and he didn't give you a chance by asking. I do simpathize with your pain, but he don't deserve any.