What do I do?

Question

I have recently found out from my boyfriends ex that they had an abortion. He has never mentioned this. We have a lot of trust issues, he cheated on (2 yrs ago, I just found out about a year ago) me and lied to me. We have been trying to work things through. He has been told if I found out one more lie, we are finished. He promises there i nothing else. I found out from her about this. I have given him a few opportunities to confess without directly asking him, because I do not want to break her confidence. What do I do? I love him, very, very much.

We have recently booked a cruise together to get away from our stress. It cannot be refunded, and no one can go other than the two of us.

I guess my question is- should I confront him with the issue of this abortion?

I thought maybe it was too personal too- but isn't that something you should tell someone you have been with for four years? When me and him first got together I thought I was three monthes pregnant with my ex's child. It turned out I wasn't, but I told him about it later. It wasn't at the time, but I did confess. Shouldn't he honor me with that as well, and no longer lie to me?

I guess I feel like he should confess because he has been lying about it, and when asked if he had ever had an abortion with a previous girlfriend, he told me "No, that is something I would tell you."

Heh, no the cheating was definatly all him. I AM wondering why she told me this, and yes Iwould have told him if I had had an abortion. I thought I was pregnant when I met him. I told him.

I'm also going to post this in other forums to get a variable response. I'm very troubled by this.

We already decided if I ever got pregnant we would have an abortion. He knows that it isn't really a sensitive issue with me, since I'm so pro-choice. I feel like it IS my territory, since He has lied about it. I've told him everything about my past, I feel like he should at least repect me enough to tell me the truth. Any truth I have gotten out of him ahs come from someone else first. I'm ready to hear something from HIM.

And it sucks, because I will probably be the one to blow this relationship because I can't leave the past the past. I feel like since I've been honest with him, he should be honest with me.

Answer 1

First of all, when you start a relationship, you start a fresh slate.
The past remains in the past that is where it belongs. His ex should never have told you something so private that happened between them in the past, it was not her place to tell you such a thing. Ask yourself why she did.
Be wise, let this sleeping dog lie. You don't owe his ex anything, not even your confidence.
All the best.

Answer 2

Maybe there's more to the story then was has been told.
Even if you found out it is something he lied to you about, what will you do then?

To me it sounds like he has already broken the trust too many times for you to forget. You could find yourself in a relationship where you question everything he says or does.

You need to figure out if you are willing leave what has happened in the past in the past and move on from it.

I understand you love him but it takes a lot more than love to be in a relationship with somebody

Answer 3

To be completely honest here.....no pun intended....maybe he just thought that was too personal. The child isn't on this earth for you to deal with. He didn't have an abortion - she did. Maybe it hurt him. Maybe he feels bad about it. Sometimes people do and will block things out. This really shouldn't have any affect on you personally and that could be another reason. I wouldn't consider this a lie (unless she got pregnant and had it when you and he were together). Try to calm down about things -- this isn't anything he should be "confessing" about.

Answer 4

Go on the cruise and try to enjoy it. A cruise will put you two together in a situation where he can't all of a sudden have to stop talking and go to work or some other obligation. Watch how he acts around the other girls on the ship (there will be plenty of them there to distract him, dressed like sluts, there always are). Go get a drink, or tell him you are going to the bathroom, then hang back, where he can't see you, and watch what he does. He is a dishonest person it seems, and it is a rare exception for someone to be truly sorry and change their ways. Good luck

Answer 5

what made her tell you about the abortions in the first place?
was it because she wanted you two to end things?
you had a past before him and so did he. i do not believe in abortions first off but that was a decision made between him and his ex... maybe the reason he did not tell you was because it was and is still too painful for him... if it bothers you that much then maybe you should talk to him about it without criticism but with understanding!!!!
i don't think that should be considered a lie that should break you two up...
Have you told him everything about you? and would you have told him something like that if you had gotten an abortion??? really think about it... would you want to relive a painful time in your life like that again???

Answer 6

trust him and set him up on the cruise with a hot girl lie and say your sleeping and send a hot girl in the room and see what happens and dont say nothing if he does do something till after the cruise you dont want to fight in a place you cant get rid of each other in, right.

Answer 7

FIRST OFF YOU NEED TO REMEMBER THAT THIS WAS IN HIS PAST HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT MAYBE HE DONT WANT TO REMEMBER IT THAT IT MIGHT BE TO PAIN FUL AND WHAT WAS THE REASONING FOR HIS EX TO TELL YOU SUCH A SECRET THAT WAS NOT HER PLACE TO DO SO SOUNDS TO ME LIKE SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO STIR CHIT IF YOU TRULU LOVE HIM QUIT TRYING TO DREDGE UP THE PAST YES I KNOW HE CHEATED BUT THERE ARE 2 SIDES TO EVERY STORY DID YOU EVER ASK HIM WHY MAYBE IT WASNT ALL HIS FALUT AND YOU ALSO NEED TO STOP THROWING THE PAST UP THROWING SALT INTO AN OLD WOUND ONLY MAKES IT BURN AND HURT IT NEVER HELPS THE HEALING

Answer 8

you need to bathe the section with heat water, or hydrogen peroxide (in case you have it) Then practice bandages to the extremely contaminated areas. most of the lighter scratches will heal up extremely straight away. next you need to hunt for the help of a psychological wellness expert, a education counsellor at your college, or an grownup which you have faith. Self harm isn't something to be embarrassed approximately, and there is no longer something incorrect with you, even though that's something which you need to get help for. refer to somebody which you realize nicely, and have faith. no one will decide you, and attempt to stay reliable. each and every hurricane runs out of rain.

Answer 9

i wonder why she told you this. it seems strange to me that she would offer this kind of information - it couldn't be anything but trouble, you know?

if you want him to be honest with you, you have to be honest with him. you can't play games. 'fess up to what she said to you. you might find out she wasn't being truthful. you might find out a lot of things about your boyfriend, but don't expect him to play fair with you if you don't play fair with him. if you are really committed to your relationship with him, your loyalty to him has to come before your loyalty to her.

either way it's a hard choice.

but hey, if it comes down to it, take the cruise yourself. bring good books and lay in the sun. get a massage.

Answer 10

Well if you love him you stay with him if not you leave him. I sugest going on the cruise see what happens and take it from there.

Hope you work things out.