Respect, how relative is that??

Question

Respect... thats one huge word we're dealing with, one with a lot of impact when first uttered... R E S P E C T, respect...

the thing is, how does everyone analyze, or comprehend this word, is there some universal "respect" rule, that everyone should abide to? or is it something that is passed on, from generation to another... how do learn to respect other people..

what made me think this way, is, as always and forever, my dearly beloved mother...
see, whenever we have an argument, she always says that i disrespect her, and that whenever she talks, i shouldnot look her in the eye, divert my fierceful gaze from hers, avoiding the sparks that result from the words she spills from her mouth when she is devlishly mad...
but the problem is, i didnot say ONE thing, i just listened, not wanting to talk back, as to not "disrespect" her, but i always fail... i always seem to disrespect her, my whole reason for my existence is to disrespect her as it seems..
when my best friend argues with her mother, she doesnot force her to go under this dictatorial routine that i go through, no, she actually speaks up her mind, and gives her, well gives her one hell of a big piece of what she is thinking... and when i ask her "how come, you disrespect you mother that way", she says, "she doesnot have the right to treat me like a kid when she always asks me to be a grownup"...

i wish i can do the same thing she does, well, no, let me rephrase this, i wish my mother is as understanding as her mother... but i guess i dont think i can do that after all those years now, can i?

i know i could, as Dr.Phil, Oprah always believe in redemption, and restarting all over again, etc etc

so, how do you interpret "respect"?? how is "respect" obeyed in your house?

ps: thanks for everyone that intends to share their thoughts...means a lot to me.. merci

Answer 1

You know, in my family the situation you described always comes up with my grandfather, even my mother sometimes. I think, for them, respect is basically the thing they got from their parents, and these from the generation before them: to not talk back, to not speak up, to say elders are always right, to not raise your voice, show emotion, etc. What I usually tell my mom and my grandfather, is that respect is earned, just like trust. My mother gave life to me and I thank her for it, but is that enough, for me to respect her? For me, respect is mostly consideration. I respect someone, ergo I value his/her opinion, think that they have a strong character, that they somehow excel in a domain. Blood does not make me respect people, respect they earn through their actions, attitudes, words.
When you described your mom, I was reminded of the technique Nazi soldiers used on their prisoners. To make them avert their eyes, to silence them, to prohibit anything which might instigate some form of human contact... basically, they turned ´respect´ into fear, there´s a thin line between them, I find it appalling that some parents can´t recognize it.
Hope it helped!

Answer 2

Respect is not that hard to figure out. You learn about it at home, school, and work. We all know that we want and require others to respect us, so why do we feel that we have the right to dis-respect others. We should not do to others those things that we do not want thrust upon ourselves. In my house the rule is "respect begets respect". When every-ones on the same page there is peace. When someone steps over that line of respect the peace is compromised. It's simple, expect to receive what you give, the law of retribution is a mean thing!

Answer 3

Well maybe your mom's point is that you do not respect yourself enough to speak your mind. You are a product of your enviroment like all of us. You have awareness of this now so here is your opportunity. Speak to your friend more about this and others, like you are doing now. And who cares how it's done in my house, deal with your own house. You know what to do. But remember this has been bottled up inside you for some time so it might explode. Even still at least you are doing something about it. So have respect for yourself.

Answer 4

Respect, is by words or action that makes others feel like we appreciate them. If we can respect others it may not be rewarded instantly but as some one said, being important is good but its more important to be good. Respect has the same philosophy. There is no action and reaction, its a way we live by and live for the values in our life.

Answer 5

From what I can understand, true respect for all living beings goes hand in hand with humility. We need not feel respect for certain actions...but we can feel respect for the soul within, as that soul is a spark of the Supreme Soul (God). I always liked that book "The Razor's Edge," where the main character (Larry) seemed very respectful and non-judgemental of everyone around him, at all times. Now he possessed true humility. And because of that, he understood true respectfulness of all living beings.

Answer 6

There are three main concepts of respect.

Most basic is the concept of respect based on the concept of equality. To respect a person, in this sense, is to admit their right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of their values - even if the values they pursue are not the same ones you pursue.

Then there is the respect we pay to someone who is not equal to but better than us in some way - whether more talented, morally stronger (having greater moral 'integrity', even if we are in moral disagreement with them), or more intelligent, or more experienced in life (like one's mother), or having deserved authority over us.

Thirdly, there is the 'respect' that is based on fear. In this sense, we might respect someone who is physically or politically stronger (someone who has bigger muscles, a bigger gang), or someone who has more power or authority - whether or not they deserve that authority.

Answer 7

Write a letter to your mom telling her your thoughts in a direct way without being hurtful. You can avoid eye contact and also "verbally" disrespecting her in her eyes.


Respect in our house is not using profanity, having manners, and using civility. Old people generally get a pass on manners because of their years. It is not polite to correct someone else's lack of manners, you are only allowed to set an example.

Answer 8

If we come from a dysfunctional home... dysfuntion will be the normal routine. To learn from this we need to reflect from professional counseling upon right values and right ways to communicate. Self Esteem is prime to our well-being.

Answer 9

What your mother claims to be respect is actually, DOMINANCE and CONTROL. You poor kid. She is manipulating you. Stand up for yourself! And get away from this woman as soon as possible. I wonder how old you are...

Answer 10

i think to respect someone means to show kindness and love . in other for you to be respected back you need to show it too. i think respect is not really a rule. but i know where i am from, respect is a rule because it shows how his or her parent raised you.