what should i do?

Question

My husband and i have been together 14 years. He has stopped being affectionate, says he doesn't care if we ever make love again. When we actually do i have to "fake it" cause he doesn't want to take the time. He is on medication that could make him loose his desire, but he can still get an erection. I told him i don't care about that but a hug once in awhile would be nice, and he says he's not that kind of guy( he used to be) and if i don't like it to go find someone else. It's been 2 1/2 years since i've had an orgasm not brought on by myself. What should i do, he won't go to counseling and thinks there really isn't a problem.

No he's not having an affair, he's never away from the house long enough to have an affair. sometimes i wish he would, and she could keep him.lol

I make him supper everynight, and i rub his back at least 3 times a week. I've bought sexy bed clothes, which he says are a waste of time. he's not on anti depressants but he is on heart meds, doc says that wouldn't kill the desire, would kill an erection if anything but he still can get that. I don't care about the sex as much as i care about even a hug or a kiss, anything

No actually i lost weight, and yes i've changed my hair i was a cosmetician for years so i take good care of my skin/appearance. I really don't know what his problem is, and no i can't think of anything i've done to turn him off, i've never had an affair or anything like that, cause i would leave before i would do that. I asked him why he won't hug me and he says he's not like that, and i said well if you knew i liked to be affectionate would you not want to make me happy and he says he shouldn't have to kiss my ***. I told him I don't want that , just a hug once in awhile that's all. And i yes i do care about him very much and i'm afraid if i left that he might get sick again with his heart.

Answer 1

If one of you thinks there is a problem, then there is problem. If he won't go, go yourself. (Antidepressants take the sex out of marriages. The only one that has the fewest side effect is Welbutrin, and even that one gives people some problems. ) But, It may be that he is not interested in even saving your marriage antidepressant or no antidepressant. And if that is the case, leave, get a divorce, and find someone who is interested in a lovely lady. 2 1/2 years is a long time to not be in a loving relationship......you decide if you wish it to continue in this manner. He apparently likes it this way, and is unwilling to change. Is the future like this acceptable??????????? of not, divorce is the best answer....

Answer 2

What type of medication is he on?
If it is for his heart, chances are Viagra is out.
Have you tried a new hair style, different perfume, stockings, and heels?
Do you love him, really?
Does he really love you.
Maybe you should consider leaving him, or take him up on his offer to find someone to fulfill your needs,
Some people will say that's cheating and I'm all wet, but the fact is you are suffering and appear to have a lot of productive years left to enjoy life. Unless you are A sexual, that is a lot of frustration to live with.

If it's over, it's over. You r love will continue diminish. It would be a shame if you waited another ten years to decide it was time to leave.
If you had assistance with a couple of orgasms a week, you could cope with his problem much better.
You should not have to suffer, or be imprisoned by your guilt.

Answer 3

I am going to be real with you about your relationship. I think that its gone down the drain. I mean dont give up completely because there still is a little chance that you two can work it out. Try making him dinner and rubbing his back or doing something that he likes. Try to talk to him and if he listens then its worth working out but if he just brushes off the subject then its obvious that hes not interested any more and the spark yall use to have is no longer present. Do something exciting and seek a makeover or something that will spark up things in the bedroom. If none of these attempts are successful then stop wasting your time because I think that your marriage is over. Remember that you cant make somebody love you.

Answer 4

The red flag for me here is you mentioning he has a heart problem. Perhaps he thinks he's dying and wants you to detach from him, or maybe he thinks that sex will kill him. These things do run thru a person's head. It sounds as if he's alienated you out of his own fear. You can try talking with his doctor again, or you can start counselling on your own and talk to a professional as to how this should be handled. Best of luck to you...remember, your loving husband is in there somewhere!

Answer 5

What a terrible situation! I don't know why he wouldn't want to take care of your needs, when he must have been before. What is his reason he gives for this selfish and neglectful behavior. Did you do something to hurt him? It sounds like he's got it made, with all your pampering. Not, to be insensitive, but is there an appearance issue he has a mental block to. Like a weight gain that might have put him off? Or change of hair style or color? some men are very picky about a woman's looks and only want a particular type. it's sick and superficial of them to reject their wives as they age, and nature takes its course. But, you hear about it everyday.

Answer 6

I would threaten to leave if he didn't go to counseling. But in all honesty, it sounds like he could be having an affair. If he used to be affectionate and all of a sudden he doesn't even want to touch you or hug you anymore, that is a definite sign.

Answer 7

Sounds like he is on depression medicine like Paxil, or Symbalta it will completely cut your sex life OFF. The want or desire is completely gone, tell him to try Wellbutrin I was going to loose my wife for the same thing I never cared about sex and it bothered her because I was only 25yrs. old the same as her and she had needs that I didn't have any desire to quench for her. I got switched to Wellbutrin and BOOM I was like a stud horse I had the doctor also prescribe Cyalis and now she picks on me and says she is going to start pimping me out to her friends. I know she is kidding but her enthusiasm caused more confidence in my sexuality which in turn caused a desire

Answer 8

maybe your husbands medication has turned him like this
you must remember it is not no one fault if this has happened
if you go on and on at him he will just shut off from you try and make him feel he is the only person alive
make him feel wanted and fuss around him cook nice meals try and get some hobbies together something you both would like doing
try and move away from anything to do with touching
he may start responding to you
i do hope this helps
respect
shaz

Answer 9

it is not you honey it is him, he is rebelling for some reason and if he don't want to go the counseling. there is nothing you can do. he needs it though, he does not realize how unhealthly his attitude is also, not saying you husband is like that but some people that are angry and tends to blame other too for there own problems instead, of taking reasonablilty for there own they like to point he finger and spread misery ( my mom alway said misery like company.) It sound like he has lost hopes and anger.

good luck

Answer 10

WHEN U HAVE DONE ALL YOU POSSIBLY CAN IN NOTHING WORKS .............THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO DO YOU BOTH DON'T NEED TO B UNHAPPY GO AND ENJOY YOUR LIFE