Do you think this sounds fair?

Question

My brother and sister each both had big weddings and my parents paid for half for each. I eloped and decided not to go the big church wedding/reception route. My brother & sister both received large cash gifts from my parents, in addition to having 1/2 their wedding paid for, but my husband and I received nothing. My parents say its because I eloped. Is this very fair? Its not about the money because we both work and not hurting for cash but it still feels like we were slighted. What do you think?

Answer 1

I can understand why they would be upset, but I can also see why you would think it was unfair. I think they probably feel slighted because you eloped and they were not able to enjoy your wedding.
Talk to them about it in a calm and even manner and apologize to them for hurting them. It might be a good idea to have a second wedding. It does not have to be big. Just get married somewhere special for the both of you and have a small reception with your closest family and friends. I am not sure this will change their minds, but it may make them happier being able to share in your joy.
Otherwise, just chalk it up to parents being upset and do not dwell on it. If they do not want to give you the money, theya re not going to, so why worry about it. Maybe a good way to approach it would be to have them put it in a trust, or when you have a child, put it in education trust. You will not get to enjoy the money that way, but in the long run it will pat for a lot of your child's education and les will have to come out of your pocket for that. You still get the money, only in a round-about way. Good luck.

Answer 2

One question is why did you elope? You could have had a small wedding with family only. You're parents feel slighted and exluded from your big day. You will understand that when you have your own kids getting married. Is it fair? Nor really. But then it's their money to do what they wish. Maybe, when you a house, you can ask your parents to "help" with the down payment.
If you don't have kids already, when you do, be sure to include them (both sides).

Answer 3

Gifts are that ... gifts. I think its unusual that your parents wouldn't give you a wedding gift and can understand why your feelings are hurt. Were your parents hurt by the fact that you and your husband eloped instead of having some kind of ceremony that they could attend?

Try to forget about the money ... its really not that important. Sometimes we might never understand what others are thinking. I hope you can put that issue behind you and have a wonderful married life with your husband.

Answer 4

i can see both sides
you feel that it is not fair you got nothing while your siblings got
but on the other hand your parents may feel that they were left out in the cold when you went of with your husband with out a care in the world maybe just maybe they are so hurt inside that was the only way they could make you see how much they hurt
if you wanted there help so much why didn't you let them in on the wedding plans??
you wanted to go it alone so now your parents are letting you go it alone you cant have it your way life is not like that if you feel slighted they must feel the same don't you think ? maybe you should sit and talk to your mum and dad
2 sides to every coin huh
respect
shaz

Answer 5

Maybe the reason is....like you say its not about the money you both work and are not hurting for cash......was your brother and sister as well off or were they broke starting off.It could be a way of them telling you they don't worry about you because they know you are taken care of and will do great on your own.The best thing to do is sit them down and talk it over because they are your mom and dad just ask them they shouldn't have a problem telling you why,I really don't think it has anything to do with you eloping,unless you are underage and you ran off and married a bum,lol.Honestly though just sit down and talk to them get everything out.let them know why you eloped in the first place.

Answer 6

Not fair in my opinion. My husband and I eloped, and got the same treatment. In both of our families if a couple elopes they still get a reception the family get together and gives them one. Not with us, didn't get ****. About a year later we got a blanket from his mom and a comforter from my grandmother. On our 2 year anniversary my parents gave us 250 dollars.

Answer 7

Look at it from your parents' perspective. When you eloped you deprived them of a big shindig that they'd have probably happily helped pay for. A major milestone in one of their little chicklings' life has occurred and they didn't get to participate. I doubt they love you any less, they're probably just disappointed. Also, they might figure that since you didn't go through the big expense of a wedding, that you don't need the money.

Ultimately, it's their money and they can spend it however they want.

I'm just speculating.

Answer 8

No, it's not fair. You deserve a wedding or/and a cash gift as your siblings. There is no reason to leave you out as you are their children too and just because they got married fisrt, doesn;t mean that you don;t deserved equal treatment.
My parents did the same to me, as they throw a lavish wedding for my sister and when it was my turn to get married, they said that they were not going to pay for another wedding. I am still very hurt for that...

Good luck

Answer 9

when I got married I did it in a church , my parents help $$ . when my sister got married she eloped . she got nothing .. when you have a wedding it make you parents feel apart of it .they were not apart of your .. so . you lose ..

Answer 10

Who was slighted? I think that your parents were slighted. That's one of the greatest rewards is when your children get married. I think you cheated them not the other way around.