Online infidelity: Women email my husband sexy pictures?

Question

My husband is away at the moment and I have found out that before he went he was contacting women on the internet and they were e-mailing him sexy pictures. I also found an email from him to one woman telling her not to use "this address" as wife will see it. I am absolutely devastated especially as this is not the first time this has happened. About 3 years ago he was up to this and it got more personal till he met a woman in a bar and took her phone number and they started texting each other behind my back.


I've tried to tell him how much this is hurting me and destroying our marriage but he says it is harmless fun and I shouldn't have a problem with it.

I really don't know what to do now. I do love him but I can't live like this anymore constantly thinking will he won't he finally go all the way, if he hasn't already. I wouldn't be allowed to do this nor would I want to but he says it's ok for him.

How can I get him to understand what this is doing to me and what he is putting at risk. He always dismisses my feelings out of hand.

Please help me this is tearing me up inside.

Answer 1

you need to print this out and then say everything in it to him, you sound like a very sweet lady and i feel for you. Some guys like to do this sort of thing because they are insecure with themselves, but you shouldn't have to go threw your marriage always wondering if he is faithful to you. seriously tell him everything you just told us, and if he gets mad or all defensive, just get out the sooner the better you deserve better than this.

Answer 2

Well, let's see. You could bash in the fricking computer to start with. Then you could hire yourself a lawyer at his expense. Honey, he obviously is cheating on you and has no intention of changing his ways. Don't believe a single thing he says about "it's all innocent." It is not innocent and he damn well knows it. Or if bashing in the computer is out of the question, you might want to do a little something like what he is doing. Leave some clues so he will find out. Maybe he will then be reminded that you are a desirable woman as well and others see that. If he confronts you, tell him he obviously expects you to be able to do the same thing if he's doing it as well. No harm done right? LOL You know, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If a lawyer is out of the question for now, I would start putting aside a little money here and there for protection. My guess is he has met some of these women, and could possibly be cheating on you at every opportunity. I would definately question one day when he tells you he is leaving. I would cut all sex until you tell him to get some tests done. It would sure humiliate him and make him wonder at his deplorable behavior. Maybe a little humility is what he needs. Sounds like an arrogant *** to me.

You need to remember that you are of value and not lose your self-esteem which seems to me he's been trying to rob you of.

If it was me, I would pack all my stuff while he was away and make sure he came home to an empty house. That's a definate attention grabber. Or pack all of his stuff and get an order of removal from the courts. If he loves you then he will see the error of his ways and fight to win you back. But I truly don't believe there is much future in your relationship. You will never trust him again, and deep down inside you, you are aware this won't stop. He's done it before, he's doing it again, and he will in future. With all possibility of taking it one step further. I am so sorry you are going throught this, but remember that you are strong, beautiful, and worthy. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

You have already tried to get him to understand how it makes you feel, and he either can't understand, or doesn't care.

Cheating is defined by the agreement between the two of you, and it sounds like you made it clear 3 years ago that you consider this to be cheating. (It really doesn't matter that he calls it "harmless," as YOU are the only one who can say what harms you.) Nor does it matter that he would or would not want you to do it. The issue is that it hurts YOU when he does it, and that YOU are being cheated on--by your definition, the only one that matters.

While it is tearing you up inside, and I feel for you, you have some choices to make. Since he's already been told what it does to you, and continues to do it, are you willing to live with it?

If yes, then try to stop thinking about it, don't look at his computer, and do the best you can to be the best wife you can.

If no, are you going to try to change his behavior? You tried that already, and we are seldom able to change anyone's behavior but our own, but you may choose to continue to try.

Or, are you going to leave?

Whatever choices you make, remember that nothing is set in stone. You are allowed to change your mind at any time. Repeatedly, if that's what happens.

Also remember that he will be making choices, and they may or may not be ones that you like.

Finally, see a counselor of some sort. Go to a church and talk to the pastor if that's all you can do, or call a mental health place or ask your doctor for a referral, but FIND SOMEONE TO TALK TO. A professional, who (hopefully) won't toss all their own garbage into the pot. You have already admitted that this is "tearing me up inside." Torn up people need help to sort things out so that they can make the best decisions for them.

It's gonna be ok, I promise. It may get better or worse than right this minute before it's ok, but you will be ok. (I know this because I am ok, and mine was trying to destroy me and my kids.)

Whew! I got carried away! But I meant every word of it. You have to do what's best for you. That's the only thing you CAN do for your marriage.

Answer 4

Well!!! Personally I would leave him......If this has happened before and you have several times tried to express your concern and he dismisses it he is showing you he doesn't care about your personal being. You need to think about yourself and what could happen if he bought home an STD or ended up getting one of these girls pregnant!! And the fact that he is deliberately hiding it from you!!! OMG!!! I am terribly sorry for you! I feel your pain, I truly do. But you need to leave...ESPECIALLY if there are children involved!!!! Good luck!!! I hope things work out and you find a guy who appreciates and respects you-not other women on the Internet!!! My e-mail is [e-mail] if you want to talk more!

Answer 5

You need to make your feelings known. The more you take what's happening to you, the more it will consume you. If you do not like the way things are, then YOU be the one to change them. Don't let your husband control your happiness. Let him know what he's doing is hurting you and that you want things to change. If he loves you he will change for you. If things don't get better, then you leave and make your own happiness. Life is too short to be sad all the time. Keep your head up Swettie!

Answer 6

I think you should talk to him face to face and get this whole problem solve. If he likes what he is doing than he shouldn't be living with you. He know that this will hurt you that is why he gave another mailing address. He know what he is getting into. Asked him to choose between you and all this. Let him think about it. So don't crack your head for all this.

Answer 7

i don't know what his problem is but he doesn't care about you. it also sounds like he's extremely sexist.
he shows no remorse for this witch shows that he has no desire to fix this. as for going all the way my bet is that he has, and that he is doing that while he's away right now. he isn't going to understand because he has no desire to listen, he doesn't value you or your feelings, that's why he dismisses them.
i'm very sorry. unless you want to spend the rest of your life treated like this you'll leave him. he's not going to change.
you deserve someone so much better then this.
good luck.

Answer 8

He is just playing i don't think he will go for a person like that if you talk to him nice that is the best way to tell him how you feel don't tell him that you will live him all the girls they tell you to move on, they don't really care they just talk because they are not the ones in pain, you be smart and use reverse psychology maybe you can do the same to him and see what he said.safe your relation.

Answer 9

It's quite obvious that you have already talked to him and let your feelings be known. it's also quite obvious that he don't give a rat's *** how you feel. There is no excuse for this type of behavior. This man doesn't love you. You're just a convenience. You deserve better. Get out now!

Answer 10

Hi im not married or anything but i really believe that u shud talk 2 him anout how u feel! tell him how u feel& y. if he truly loves u he will understand where u r coming from! so talk 2 him or else this will eventually come between ur marrige