Is it love or lust?

Question

I am married and have romantic feelings for a single guy who has a girlfriend he's been seeing for just a couple months. He claims that he also has similar feelings towards me. We are just getting to know each other but there are definitely sparks of attraction. Is it love or lust or just plain physical attraction? P.S. My marriage has been on the rocks for awhile, we haven't slept together in years. That sounds awful and I hate saying that but its true.

This guy and I are not sleeping together nor plan to anytime soon. We are just able to connect and talk about most anything, that's why I'm wondering if it's love or lust...

Answer 1

Lolly,

Sorry to hear about your marriage being on the rocks. Love? Probably not. Lust? Maybe. Physical attraction? Yes, but a little more than that, though. He has taken an interest in you, and you confided that he likes you. You two have shared some level of intimacy that a married person shouldn't share with someone else. I'm sure it is at the same time exciting and scary. Speaking as someone who had a marriage like yours, my guess is that you probably haven't had a guy pay you this much attention in a while and it feels nice, doesn't it?

I'm not telling you that you should have an affair with this guy or not, but if you do, your marriage is probably toast. What will happen is that you will hit it off with him and enjoy the fruits of a relationship without having to deal with the drugery of it all...who is doing more housework, paying the bills, etc. You will also relate with him the way you should relate with your husband and for you it will be "where has this been?"

My guess is that both you and your husband have a tendency to disengage. You don't fight so much, but you have drifted apart and live like roommates or brother and sister more than a married couple. Maybe you are nice enough to each other, and nobody knows how bad things have gotten except you two...and maybe just you.

Having this guy is a nice diversion, and an affirmation that you are still an attractive, loveable woman. Consider sitting down with your husband and asking him just what has happened to the two of you and if your relationship can be salvaged. You might be surprised by what he says.

You need to choose one of the two. There is no way you can work on repairing a marriage if you continue to let sparks generate with the new guy.

One other thing to consider...today, the grass is greener. Unless you work on your own issues, you might wind up getting that divorce and getting into a new relationship that will turn out exactly like the one you have today.

Good luck.
C

Answer 2

You do not have the right to act on your attraction to someone else. You should not of even had a conversation with the other guy about any kinds of feelings you were having anyway. You need to get yourself and your marriage in check. Are there physical reasons for the lack of intimacy in your relationship? You need to do some real soul searching and answer these two questions. 1 Do I want my marriage to work 2 Do I want my marriage to end. When you answer those then you have all you need. YES IT IS LUST

Answer 3

If your marriage has been on the rocks for a while and you haven't had sex in years, you'd probably have romantic feelings for the Fed Ex guy. It's lust. Bottom line, you're married and need to either get to counseling with your husband or get out of the marriage before you do something that cound make the situation ten times worse.

Answer 4

So get divorced, stop playing pretend. Oh, it's ok to use your husband's money, or what, staying for the kids? Sounds like you are looking for sympathy or confirmation that an affair is "ok", well, it ain't. People talk about saving the sanctity of marriage, we'll you are front and center destroying it.

It's neither love or lust, it's immoral. Call your lawyer.

Answer 5

You are lonely and frustrated from being in a loveless marriage. You are enjoying the attention that you are not getting in your own marriage.

Before anything happens make sure that you are willing to sacrifice your marriage and that it is not mendable. Do you have any children? Why are you still in this marriage?

You need to put the focus on your marriage before you involve a third party. Even a one night stand can put additional, unnecessary stress on you and your marriage.

Put your house in order first. Good luck

Answer 6

First your married and shouldn't have feeling for any other man but your husband, have you stop to think maybe you can work on getting your marriage but on coarse with the man you already have not going after someone Else's..and to answer its lust cause your not giving it up at home.

Answer 7

When I separate the person from who they are, i.e. a body part, that person has an incredible bottom, or they are hot, I am separating the person from who they are to how they appear/look. I am also idealizing who they are based on the objectification of their body, i.e., because that person is hot, I would like to get to know them, or somehow they are appealing emotionally mentally because they are hot. As I am objectifying, lust shows itself in fantasy. What would I like, what would I like to do with and to them. So I would say when the idealized picture of this person is replaced with reality, IE., who they really are. You can accept and be willing to see past faults, issues, problems because Love carries no jealousy, love doesn't judge, love don't do anything for self gratitude, love gives unconditionally, love is trust, love is respect, love is truth!

Answer 8

Honey, bottom line is you are still married, and entering into an Adulterous affair will only complicate your life beyond belief. Very few people can do that without feeling guilty, and that guilt can consume you. Both of you should break off your relationships before you step out. I am not condemning you for having feelings like this, as it is quite normal for people like yourselves. Also, do you trust a man who is willing to step out on his girlfriend? That is dishonorable and like most men, he is just wants his cake and eat it too, it's a conquest thing, and shows a lack of maturity. Sorry, I call them as I see them.

Answer 9

first of you need to leave your husband if your marriage is on the rocks either move on or fix it do not cheat that is just wrong...and about this other guy he is probably giving you the attention that you are not getting at home so you feel attracted to him...I think you should at least try to fix your marriage if not just leave then move on to someone new not before good luck

Answer 10

I think that it's just lust. You haven't been with your husband sexually in quite some time, so you are looking else where. I assume that you so love your husband or you wouldn't continue to be with him. I think it's purely that you want to sleep with this other guy.