my husband looks at porn online when i am not around, and i'm starting to resent him for it. what should i do?

Question

This is a serious problem I have, only serious, mature answers please! He feels ashamed about it and hides to do it. I've asked him nicely not to do it anymore and he tries but is sometimes very weak. i personally think porn is kind of ok if you are single and have urges, but not if you are in a loving relationship with a steady partner who doesn't appreciate it, unless of course, something is wrong in the relationship that you haven't discussed with the other person, and you feel like you are missing out on great sex elsewhere. anyway, it hurts me and i feel like i'm not good enough and i am just not that attracted by it to see why other people find it so special. i feel pity for the sex workers, a lot of whom i feel do not really enjoy it as much as the audience thinks, but do it because they have to for money, etc. it's their job, i wonder about their salaries, is it that good, to give away your dignity to sometimes very very gross spectators? anyway, please please please help me!

Answer 1

Porn addction online is not good thing. I strongly recommend you to block those porn websites quitely when he's surfing. we use NetDog porn filter ,that may help you. http://www.netdogsoft.com

Answer 2

Porn is a normal process guys go through. It's part of their nature to look at it.
Guys feel insecure and need to know if they are doing it right or try to learn new methods. It's one of the ways a guys knows if he's doing it right.

I saw a film about women who were making a movie and how one of them would get hurt by the guy, but she didn't like it. However, because she needed the money, she couldn't do anything about it. The girls who do it don't enjoy it all the time. They do it as a job, so it's not fun for them.

Guys don't see it that way. It's an education process that will take awhile before anything will happen to it. Look at "playboy", or any other magazine that sells sex. It's not something that would be around if no one would buy it.

I don't think you should feel it's about you. Don't take it serious because I think that you will get hurt by it and it's something that guys can't stop. It's sort of ingrown in them and primitive in a lot of ways. But you can tell him you don't like to see him doing it. I don't know if it will help, but it's a start.

Answer 3

I would suggest you have a conversation with him about what he finds exciting about that porn. What he's looking at and why that turns him on. Maybe you can try to be more sexual around him, perhaps he needs to get more into you, give him more reasons to become stimulated by your presense. Make a deal with him to try to break the habit in incriments. Say, "would you please try not to do it for a week" and so on. The more you are making an atmosphere which is sexually exciting to him and the less he is finding his arousal through the internet outlet, the better. Put it down, tell him you think it's degrading and that they dont' enjoy it, ask him if he's spending money on it and tell him you are absolutely against it. If it persists, if your home life, your sex life or anything else is disrupted by it, tell him you are thinking about leaving him. You have to give him a bit of slack though. you can't be 100% against it, just tell him he needs to cool off of it for longer periods of time before it becomes a problem and he doesn't want that, neither do you. Help him nip it in the bud.

Answer 4

I was in a relationship and had the same thing happen to me. Whenever I would go to bed he would look at porn. When I found out I was so hurt. I felt like I wasn't good enough for him. I tried talking to him about it, but he wouldn't listen. I wish I could offer you some great advice. In the end, when he refused to change after I told him repeatedly to stop looking at it, I left him. Since you are married, I seriously hope this does not happen to you. Have you tried talking about it with him? If so what do he say when you bring it up? Maybe he can seek counseling? My dad did, and it helped him... I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

Intersting dillemma and some good and bad advice i believe was given.. okay we know that you don't like porn and he does.. but you are married my dear..and marriage, if i remember correctly is a 50/ 50 thing...so i don't get the answers which state "..it's my way or the high way..." again as one person said.. sit down and talk about it rationally, find out what is at the root of the matter.. COMPROMISE!! Secondly there is this belief that he is watching porn because he may not be sexullay satisfied by you...or by you turning up the heat and then he'll leave it be... while i do believe that you should become more proactive in understanding why he is doing it and from your discussion with him maybe working towards having a more involved sexual relationship...do not feel, as you do that it is because its something that is wrong in the relationship. I am not doing right ..I am not satisfying him... I do not like porn, I feel pity for the actors...notice the I's ..with that it seems to me the issue also lies with you... back to the matter...women always do that...this seems to be his action being a reflection of yourself...your husband for all you know may have a high sex drive...and like another person had said...porn is an addictive thing...in the end.. it is him just liking and watching pornography because adults can do as such....it doesn't necessarily have to do with you not satisfying him. After all that i will now say this.. I am like your hubby, I really enjoy watching porn... i am not single with urges.. i am in a long term loving relationship and i am glad that i HAVE urges ( or maybe my wifey would be cheating on me right now lol) ...i have an excellent relationship with my partner sexual and otherwise...she satisfies me completely as i do her as well... so why in the world would someone in this longterm loving sexually satisfying relationship be watching porn...? because its an enjoyment as well, it is exciting... it does as someone said give new insites and ideas as to how to make your personal sexual adventures fresh and interesting...keep the fire burning. (that is why the bedroom thing is in green and not red) i do have a high sex drive... does my wife know i watch porn...yes she does...does she like it ...honestly not really....does she allow it to get to her to the point it eats her up...no...why is that? because we talk about it... i am honest with her about it and she values that...does she understand......in her own way she does... I am not unfaithful to her because of porn.... I am faitful to her because i am being open and talking to her about it I am not cheating on her with porn as some have suggested... I know that I am NOT cheating on her with someone else because I am completely satified on all levels right in the confines of our home. i hope my truthfulness, honesty and sincerity in my answer helps you in someway mam.. your both adults, your married to each other... discuss and compromise is all i can offer as advice...marriage simply does not have a place for, "It's my way or the highway..."

Answer 6

I think you are putting to much into this. At least he isn't cheating on you, other than probably with his right hand (or left depending upon what way he swings). I little porn every once in a while is okay. Why don't YOU go get a good porno movie that you and he can watch together then tell him you want to try out what you guys are watching. Make yourself a porn star for him. Once you do that, tell my wife how great it was so she can do the same for me.

Answer 7

You answered the question already. Yes, there is something wrong with your relationship. You obviously haven't discussed your sex life with your husband as you are referring to other people when you speak about your attitude toward porn.

What do sex workers have to do with your resentment toward your husband for looking at porn? Nothing. You are prudish and obviously your husband would rather look at porn than fight with you to have sex.

A healthy marriage can involve sex that is exciting...or haven't you experienced that? Maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds like you two need to have a serious talk about sex. Stop worrying about "sex workers" and start worrying about your marriage, because it's in trouble.

Answer 8

Personally, I think that your over reacting. What harm is it that he is looking porn, he is just looking. If he were actually going out and having affairs, that's a different issue. I'm guessing that the only reason he is ashamed is because you make him feel that way. You could offer to watch some porn with him occasionally and then maybe he won't feel like looking at it without you.

Answer 9

I understand what you are saying. Have you tried speaking to him calmly, understandably, and lovingly about it? Try not to be angry when you speak to him. I'm guessing your sex life might be suffering because of the porn. So talk to him nicely. If he really wants to change he will. There are actually support groups out there for people with porn addictions. If it is affecting your relationship in a negative way and he understands this he will get help if he truly loves you, and himself. Good luck with everything.

Answer 10

Be thankful the feel's ashamed of what he is doing. My husband has no problem doing the exact same thing and gets really angry with me when I confront him about it. I am having surgery in two days to remove a tumor and as long as that goes well, I've put up with this for toooooo long, I am out of here. They just don't get it, or they don't care, I'm not sure which it is; but I have boys to worry about,. It isn't you, don't allow yourself to go there. He has a problem and it is sad. You are right, the people doing that are sad, and can't think much of themselves. I blamed myself fo years. No more. Take care of yoruself, and don't let his "habit" discrace you.

Answer 11

I think you need to tell him it hurts you when he looks at the porn and makes you feel like you aren't pleasing him. I had a problem like that but now he doesn't do it anymore. I told him to stop doing it or either hit the door.
If you can't respect me by not looking at the pron then something is wrong. It is all about respect.