the question was why are men so afraid of commitment when it comes to a woman with kids?

Answer 1

For the same reason I'd be anxious about committing to a man with kids -- the complications go up exponentially with each new person you add to a family.

And there're probably one or more biological fathers to be dealt with, and two or more sets of biological grandparents, too. More complications. Making a relationship work is damn hard work, even when there are only two.

I won't date men with minor children.

Answer 2

Not all men are, and those that are should be -- well, perhaps not afraid, but cautious -- because once they've entered the lives of a woman's children, if things don't work out the impact can be far more significant on the kids than on the mother.

First, consider that the world contains many men, some of whom don't want kids (at least right now), some of whom do want kids (but only those who are biologically their own) and some of whom want kids (and are willing to adopt). Even if you split the number of men into three equal groups, you've got a majority of men who do not want to adopt someone else's children. Add to that the fact that having a child or adopting is a huge responsibility -- while remaining childless is not -- and it certainly appears as if the vast majority of men are not interested in adopting.

Rather than consider the "why" -- because everyone will have their own reasons -- consider the impact: of the men that you will encounter, most will not be willing to adopt. So odds are that, if you meet a man who doesn't know you have children, you'll discover he's one of the ones who isn't willing to adopt -- and so is not willing to commit -- when he finds out you have children.

So that takes care of the men who don't want your children. How about the men who are willing, or at least will consider, adopting your children someday? Shouldn't they be eager for commitment?

I say no, because men who are willing to adopt someone else's children have likely considered the issue at some length, and probably have experience with their own children (or were adopted themselves.) It could also be that they're willing to consider adoption because they're particularly empathetic. If this is true, then the majority of men who are willing to adopt understand that it is a significant responsibility, not to be taken lightly.

In other words, these men don't want to enter a committed relationship involving children because they understand that it will also entail a relationship with the children. It is irresponsible to become a prominent father figure in a child's life, only to bail because the relationship isn't working out. As a result, they're more cautious about entering long-term relationships in the first place.

I hope that answers your question. The trick now is to determine whether the man in your life is a member of the "avoiding commitment because I don't want your kids" majority (bad), the "avoiding commitment because I don't want you" group (bad), or the "avoiding commitment because I don't take it lightly, since there are children involved" (very, very good.)

Answer 3

When a man without kids is dealing with a woman with kids, there's a lot of pressure. He's not only being evaluated as a man but as the head of a family that is not his. Think about what a woman has to consider before inviting a new man into her family. That second agenda is usally unfair and not in the best interest of the other person. A man wants a woman to want him for who he is and what he stands for, not for what he can do for you and your kids. I man wants to be second to God on a woman's priority list. With kids it's God first, kids second, then whatever is left over for the man. Kids wear a single mom out so there's usually not much left.

I have much respect and love for the strong women out here who do a damn good job raising kids after a failed relationship. Most of you are awesome women and do really deserve to be loved and respected like anybody else and even more than anybody else in most cases. Thing is some childless men just prefer a woman with a less of a load to bear. If we have children together then that will be our journey that we take. It takes a lot for a man to carry somebody elses load. A load that usually comes with tons of insecurities and emotional wreckage.

Answer 4

Many things factor into this fear. For one thing, men (like women) want to be loved for themselves, rather than what they can give to a family. Unfortunately, some women are looking for a Daddy. Even if Mom isn't, her children might be shopping for a good husband for mom. Also, the responsibilty of marriage is frightening under the best of circumstances. By nature, divided families have more problems. It seems that their is a constant tug of war between some parents. I would not want to enter into a relationship where there is an existing tug of war relationship. There is also the problem of men (and women) wanting their own children. Blended families have to consider how many children they really can support.

The bottom line is that we are all (men and women) afraid of committment. Life is tough on your own. It can get a whole lot tougher with a spouse and a new family. However, love and acceptance often rules, and when that happens, everyone lives happily ever after. That did not happen for me, but I still believe in white picket fences!

Answer 5

I would say that men are not necessarily afraid of commitment. they just view it differently than females do. 1 men feel that commitment means the end of all freedoms. 2 men do not mature as fast as women do. 3 women are almost always raised to want that commitment. 4 men are raised to be strong free and confident
I do not think that a woman with kids and no partner should be worried about a man committing to her.she should be worried about the 1 commitment that matters the commitment to her children. Do you really want someone around your kids that you are not sure wants to be with them?

Answer 6

The same reason they are afraid of commitment with a woman with out kids.

Answer 7

Because it is not just you. Its not that thier not his kids. It is almost common knowledge the issues raised when children are involved. 1., The "bio " parent will say "these are my children, you cannot disapline them. 2. The non-parent will say "Your kids have not respect for me" 3. The kids will say "your not my dad/mom and you never will be!" These are just a few of the many arguments that take place and everyone hears about. Guys are warned by other guys to stay away from the ones with the baggage. I was a single mom with a handicapped daughter and my first conversation with a guy was to say look, I am a package deal, if that scares you run now. One of the important things to discuss with "the guy" is that you and he should understang that in a package deall, everyone must be giving, understanding and patient.

Answer 8

Its not just the commitment it is the problems that kids can cause later in a relationship. Kids can a cause divorce in New York Minute if they put their minds to it. I work in a group home with teenagers and know precisely what they are capable of doing when it comes to wanting or not wanting something.

Answer 9

Because it means he may have to play daddy to these kids and hubby to u, it means he has to be responsible for u and Ur family and that's a big step. He may not want that he may not be ready for a family right now and it's been said many times of he marries her he marries the kids to

He may want to be a couple b 4 he's a group or family. And the thought of taking care of someone else kids can be a NO NO

Answer 10

Some men automatically think the women is looking for a daddy or someone to support her and her kids....men do not see the whole picture sometimes...the point is if he is the right man it shouldn't matter because he accepts the whole package and not just the mama.