My parents divorced because my mom had an affair with my uncle when I was 11 yrs. old, I feel i could have grown up so much better financially if it never happened. Im 23 now and on been on my own since I was 18 but I think about it atleast once every day, how will I ever get over it???
2006-06-28 15:58:34 · 11 answers · asked by skdfjasl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You HAVE to get over it. Your mom was just doing what she felt compelled to do by her understanding of reality. It was not normal. It was f'd up beyond all recognition, aka, FUBAR.
I have certainly tortured myself for mistakes that i made or that others made long ago. All I can tell you is that a lesson learned is like a bridge that is burned. Your mom will, someday, tell you that you were her best hope for the future. She wasn't able to live morally. Good god, she didn't want you to follow in her feeble footsteps. The things that brought her to that low point were overwhelming to her. If there is anything you can do it is show your mother that you took the good she gave you and moved on from there.
The temptation to compromise is all over the place out there. Don't fall for it. You will thank yourself later for having lived morally, honestly and on the straight and narrow. Love who you love, but don't love anyone who is not really in a position to love you back.
Much love to you girl. I wish I knew how to take away your pain.
2006-06-28 16:44:49 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Everyone makes mistakes - including parents. You need to forgive your mother and move on with your life. A lot of things could have been, but they played out a certain way for a reason. Stop dwelling on the past and start looking towards the future. Don't hold a grudge against your mother - it doesn't do anything for you or for her.
You also mentioned you felt that you could have "Grown up so much better financially" - that seems a bit off base in your never getting over your mother's indescretion. Most kids would be upset because they lacked the whole family life, not because they don't have more money due to a divorce. Let this go and get on with your life. Talk to your mom and tell her how you feel if you haven't already, and by all means forgive her.
2006-06-28 16:10:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no matter how u see it if u were meant to live in the lap of luxury u would have with 2 parents or 1 your parents divorced so it was both of their responsiblity to make sure uwas well taken care of all around the board look get over it u was a kid your mom did something she may or may not regret and your an adult now and been on your own for some time now put it in the past and look forward to your future as much time as u put into thinking about that put into work school or an hobby or activity or your man dont think of it as long as ur financially good things in life should be ok for u
2006-06-28 16:16:32 · answer #3 · answered by teresa d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is easy to say over is over!past is past!something must be moved out from your mind or memories!Sometimes,someone suffering from an affair,accident, parent's behaviour or eyes witness something you'll never forgot.
I'm sorry for your mom's affair, I can feel and even touch your pain,be honest,I myself eye witness my mom and my step father ( before my parents' divorced ) when I was three to four years old.That moment stuck in my mind forever, never can be removed or ribed off.I don't know how to answer you for the best suggestion cause we are on the same boat,but you have to find a way to get out of it or too late !
2006-06-30 02:37:44 · answer #4 · answered by canada2006 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, YOU did nothing to cause the breakup of their relationship. The fact that they divorced is their problam. You need to put your "big girl" pants on and get over it. If you are dwelling on this for more than 10 years, you need to see a professional for help
2006-06-28 16:13:25 · answer #5 · answered by snovak49849 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to realize, the past is the past, especially if your mother has sought forgiveness from the family. You can't live your life with unforgiveness towards your mother. You'll never get anywhere in life, love, or anything if you're so unforgiving.
2006-06-28 16:04:16 · answer #6 · answered by honey_bear_21_1999 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Darlin, it wasn't ABOUT you.
So what exactly are you upset about? The divorce? The lack of funds growing up? Your mom doing what she did? You've wasted thirteen years of your life agonizing about somebody else's problem?
I'm not trying to downplay how this devastated your life, or how much it hurt, or how hard it was to live with. It totally sucks, and I understand that.
But again, it wasn't really about you. It was about the adults in your life - some of them making stupid and thoughtless decisions that messed things up for you. But you weren't the only one they messed up, to say nothing of what they destroyed in their own lives.
You're 23 now, and supposedly an adult. So its time to grow up. Realize that people make stupid mistakes sometimes, and go on with your life. Think about it - your parents probably weren't too much older then than you are now - maybe ten years? They were still figuring life out as they went along, and just like everybody else on the planet, some of their decisions were stupid and terribly wrong. If you haven't made decisions like that yet, rest assured that you will.
You can learn from their mistakes, but don't use what happened as a crutch to explain away everything else in your life that isn't just as you'd want it to be. It is up to YOU to make things the way you want them from here on out. You can wallow around in self pity for all the wrongs other people did to you, or you can get out there and make your own life.
No one likes to be around someone who feels sorry for themselves all the time. No one likes to be reminded constantly of the mistakes they've made, either. And goodness knows there are way too many people out there who are blaming everything that's wrong with them on some event in their past. Take responsibility for yourself.
So put it all in the past where it belongs. Forgive the people in question for their human weaknesses. Get an education to improve your personal finances and your outlook on life. But most importantly, get on with YOUR life as it is now and as you want it to become.
We've all had horrible things effect us because of someone else's stupidity. ALL of us. This pain was bad for you, yes, but we've all experienced it, and you're not worse off than anyone else, and certainly better off than some. Get some perspective.
I'm sorry to be so harsh, but it just seems like such a waste of a young life to me. Please get a grip on yourself.
2006-06-28 16:37:28 · answer #7 · answered by Crooks Gap 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're an adult now...you should know that people make errors of judgement,bad decisions...take the hair outta ur butt and 4give her.It's time 2 grow up now.She's a woman as well as a mother.
2006-06-29 08:21:56 · answer #8 · answered by BellaDonna 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U should feel that it is not ur fault and u should enjoy ur life by ur self ur the one who make ur life not others
2006-06-28 16:06:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Accept that mom is a slu t and move on we've all been there
2006-06-28 16:21:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋