Should I take him back?

Question

I lived common-law with my man for 11 years, we split up and 5 months later, he had a serious vehicle accident, and was put in jail for 1 year as a result. We began corresponding by mail and then phone calls and recently visits. H e will be released in August, and wants us to be a couple again. I love him with all my heart, but before his accident, he had moved in with another woman. She began cheating on him as soon as he was gone and now a new man lives in her house with her. Should I give him a second chance, I am worried that he might want to be back with me because he has no where to go upon his release. By the way she is not the reason we split, she was not even someone he knew at the time. We split because my daughter and young grandson were living with us and he wanted them gone. That issue has resolved itself. I want to give him a second chance but want to do the right thing, for all involved.

Yes Karen S. it was a very serious accident, but drugs and alcohol were not involved, he was a tractor trailer driver. 3 people were killed and one injured, he is very lucky to only have gotten one year, they could find no fault of his for the accident but there was loss of life so he had to do time. We are from the Niagara Falls Canada area and he is in a Columbus Ohio prison a 9 hour drive to visit him, but I have visited at least once a month for 7 hours on a Saturday and 7 hours on Sunday, we have disgust many of the issues everyone has been bringing up. I am just cautious that is all.

Answer 1

Talk to him about how you feel and about your concerns. Let him know you want him to be honest about his intentions regarding you both becoming a couple again. Tell him that you would rather have him be honest - that he needs a place to stay when he gets out, or that he really does want you back.

Answer 2

Honey, you just answered your own question. Now, you want someone to tell you that it is ok to give him another chance. Well, let me say this: Honey be realistic, the only reason he wants you back is because he don't have anywhere else to go up on his release. (You already said that.) If he wanted your daughter and grandson gone, honey what does that tell you. Even though, that issue has resolved itself. (those are your own words). I won't give his a second, third, or fourth chance for that reason alone. The right thing for all involved is to let him go some where else. Yes, you may love him with all your heart, but your heart can mend. girl, kick him to the curb. No man come between me and my babies. Honey I am speaking from experience. Once you let him back in, it is going to be hard to get him out. Just like a cat or stray dog, once you feed them, it hard to get rid of them.

Answer 3

If you do take him back, I think you know things won't be the same as before the split. A lot more issues now that he had another woman in his life and in prison. I would think it had to be very serious accident to have been charged a year in prison. Perhaps drugs or alcohol? Its still the person you asked to leave because it was to you the best thing for everyone involved.

Answer 4

I've never really believed much that people can change. There was a reason why you let him go, and it was more than just the living arrangements. Why did he want your daughter out of her mother's home? I understand that for 11 years you were with this man, but there had to be some reason you guys never made it legal. I think everyone deserves a second chance, but it sounds to me like you're right to question his motives. If he really wants to make it work, then when he gets out he needs to find his own place and then take it slow. When you feel more comfortable, then you can get back to what you had before.

Answer 5

Ex's are ex's for a reason... No do not take him back.. If after 11 years you decided you shouldn't be together then why after 17 or so months is he now the man you want. You need to think long and hard about this as you don't want another 11 years to go by and then realize it isn't going to work.

Answer 6

Well you Know what I think? I think if you really love this guy you should give him the second chance, hey you know what they said, everyone deserves a second chance. And now you should also now that if he left you once there's a chance he may leave you again. But this doesn't happen all of the time. Well my point is you should give he a second chance. Good luck in the decision you make.

Answer 7

You should have never shacked up with him in the first place. The answer is no. The fact that he did not want to marry you and that he just lived with you(they say men who live with women just settle for that woman and really want someone else). You need to move on and play hard to get with the next man you date.

Answer 8

Let me ask you this -- do you want him back? You are the person will have to live with him and deal with the consequences of being married to him.

The advice I would give you is this: If you do take him back, go before a judge and get a marraige licence. That way you and he both have a commitment to each other.

Answer 9

it's easy for any one to say yes or no but never feels the same as u feel right now .... some times we do things and we know that they are very wrong but we just did it coz we wonna do it..give him second chance coz if u don't u gonna stay long long long time regreting that u didn't ... ( u said that u love him with all your heart...)

Answer 10

Sounds like he needs a place to stay.... You need to find out first by letting him stay somewhere else (when he gets out) and just date him for a while. If you still feel like you're in love with him after a few months, then go for it. Just sounds a little fishy to me.