I still need to finish high school and university....and I think my parents are only staying together because they want to see me safe and smart, to put it lightly.
I practically never see them hugging, let alone kissing. They argue frequently, and well...I'm just not sure anymore.
Any advice?
What do you think?
p.s. I know this may sound liek a selfish question because I'm sayign that they're staying together becayse of me but then again I know my parents hold me in high esteem and love me a lot so I might be the reason...
2006-06-28 13:07:56 · 15 answers · asked by sweateredpanda 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, I don't think that's a selfish question. On the contrary, it sounds like you're afraid they'll be making a decision based on you instead of what they would want to do, which is sensitive of you.
Anyway, I guess it's possible, but not necessarily true. The reason I say this is, that sadly that happens a lot. Married couples, as they get older, don't show affection as much, because they feel like it's 'known' how they feel, and then they may seem to argue, because they're still trying to iron out their differences.
So you could be right, but not necessarily.
2006-06-28 13:10:30 · answer #1 · answered by merlin_steele 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the pretty much same situation! Yeah, it could be. My parents stay together because of me, but my dad might be leaving. I've always loved my mom more than my dad, because I spend more time with my mom. They fight a lot, and yeah they DO stay together because of me. Your situation might be different though, but I don't know. That is a maybe for me.
2006-06-28 20:14:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is what it is darling. And yes, they may be trying to stay together for the sake of you, so keep that in mind when things get tough. Don't ever blame yourself should they divorce. It's not your fault. But maybe it's your fault that they are staying together, and this is a good thing.
Make them proud, and you've done your job.
2006-06-28 20:10:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went thorugh the same thing. I had to talk to my parents because I felt like you, I told them if they weren't happy then neither was I, and if the only reason they were still together was for me, then to go ahead and seperate. Maybe you should have a talk with them and find out for sure.
2006-06-28 20:11:41 · answer #4 · answered by Lizzie D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to take a deep breath and answer this one carefully.
Yes, it is possible your parents are staying together because of you.
Is that likely? Only they know for sure; if they love you (and if they're staying together for you, then they do, very very much) they'll do everything to keep this knowledge from you. On the flip side, if they love each other and are staying together for each other, then there's nothing for them to hide.
You need to know that parents are, at the end of the day, two people who decided to spend the rest of their lives together. Sometimes they stay in love, and stay together; sometimes they fall out of love, and either divorce, or stay together for other reasons (as you think is happening here.)
The one thing that all relationships share, regardless of whether or not they love each other, is arguments. Even people who are completely devoted to each other go through stressful periods, in which they love each other but don't like each other very much, or they're both stressed out because of something that has nothing to do with how they feel about one another.
In short, arguments are not a sign that they don't love each other; they're just a sign that they're not doing a good job of communicating with each other, or that they're both stressed about something. That something might be that they don't love each other any more, but it could be hundreds of other things, like money or a job or an illness in the extended family -- you get the idea.
As for the hugging/kissing thing, don't stress about that. People are different, and express their feelings for one another differently. For example, my parents rarely if ever kissed or hugged each other, but I never doubted their love -- and sixteen years after the last of us left home, they're still together and devoted to each other. They're just not publicly demonstrative of their affection.
Another example: my wife and I have always been affectionate, but now that we have kids, there's always too much to do and not enough time to do it. We're secure, we're happy, and when we get the chance and remember that we're partners as well as parents, we are affectionate -- but right now our children (twins, 11 months) get almost all of our hugging and kissing. I can see how, after years of raising kids in this fashion, we might get out of the habit of affection when our kids are around, and forget to start being lovey-dovey again.
But for the sake of argument, suppose they're staying together because of you -- if so, what amazing people your parents are! All over the world, people decide to have kids, then get divorced, completely shunning their responsibilities. If your parents are staying together because of you, they may not love each other any more, but they are terrific people who deserve your respect and admiration. Instead of getting divorced, they've decided to tough it out and take their responsibility to you seriously, and you (and they) will be better for it in the long term.
So at the end of the day, you've either got nothing to worry about because they're still in love, or you've got nothing to worry about because they decided that their responsibility to you is incredibly important to both of them -- and once you've gone to college, they'll do what's appropriate (stay together or divorce) and you should love and support them regardless of their choice.
2006-06-28 20:21:36 · answer #5 · answered by daveowenville 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what you are saying might very well be true a lot of parents do that but on the other hand my husband and i hardly ever hug or kiss each other and we very seldom speak i guess we are just older now and all that stuff don't bother us and we do argue at times but neither one of us have plans on leaving each other bu what ever they do its not your fault they are grown people as long as they both love you and have your best intrest heart dont worry about it
2006-06-28 20:17:51 · answer #6 · answered by sclady62001p 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if that were the case, it's their decision. not yours. So don't feel guilty about it, since they are consenting adults, and love you enough to try to provide a stable home 4u.
I really don't like you asking us total strangers about it, cause maybe that's not the way things are. Why don't you set up a family reunion and tell them what you are worried about?
2006-06-28 20:11:36 · answer #7 · answered by ashley j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
most likely, my parents stayed together for an extra two years that they would without me. my dad practically lived in the basement. then my mom couldn't take it anymore because she knew i had another 10 years till i graduated, so they divorced.
2006-06-28 20:12:07 · answer #8 · answered by laurie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible but it is also possible they are just going through a rough patch and have decided to hold out because they really do love each other.
2006-06-28 20:11:06 · answer #9 · answered by swdMO 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's possible. Many unhappily married couples choose to stay together for the benefit of their children.
2006-06-28 20:09:04 · answer #10 · answered by drsteve362005 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋