How do you heal marriage, you both have cheated but have decided too stay together, but dont fully trust?

Question

I AM MARRIED WE BOTH AT SOME POINT CHEATED, WE ARE STILL TOGETHER BUT KNOWING HOW HE IS I STILL THINK HE IS CAPABLE OF CHEATING. HE SAYS THAT SEING HOW IT FEELS HE WOULD NEVER DO IT AGAIN BUT I FEEL ONCE A CHEAT ALWAYS A CHEAT, CONSIDERING HE HAS DONE IT MORE THAN ONCE

Answer 1

All right, I must admit you have made your point very clear!
Likewise your wording is quite sound.
Perhaps we must give it a second thought and
Elaborate the other way around as well
Really do you want to get it right?

Answer 2

Cheating is cheating, regardless of how many times one has done it to the other. Please don't forget the fact you cheated as well. He probably feels the same way about you too. I also believe once a cheater always a cheater. Remember you are not excluded from this. You are just as much to blame as he is. If he cheated first, you should have left. Instead, you probably chose to stay in the marriage and have your own thang going on outside your marriage. Two wrongs does not make a right. Well, like someone said. You both have made your bed so lay in it. Stop whining and complaining.
I say..If you aren't able to learn from the past and trust each other. You shouldn't be together. If he's late coming home from work, or you. One of you will assume the worst. So to avoid any more heartache why put each other through it?

Try counseling first if the two of you really want the marriage to work. If all else fails..I'm sure you know what needs to be done.

Answer 3

Firstly, general statements like "once a cheat, always a cheat" are dangerous. Secondly, since you said you both have cheated, is he some how more to blame than you just because he's done it more? Trust is a funny thing. It's easily broken and takes a long time to build. Have you considered marriage counseling? In answer to your question, though, you heal a marriage by both making a conscious decision to trust one another. All you can do then is hold up your end of the bargain.

Answer 4

We both cheated too and it was awful. Spent a yr being misrable and got divorced, spent 1 yr apart, got back together, had a child, and remarried. I would not recommend it. I love my child and she means the world, but I (we) should never have got back together. He is more then capable of cheating again, and I still dont trust him. Some can say I may be just as capable, but the trust is gone regardless. If it were not for the child we would certainly not be together today...

Answer 5

I am currently going thru a divorce from a marriage of 26 years.the spouse evidently had major dysfunctional communication problems about whjat was going on in his mind-and 3 years ago he stopped talking and became angry and deceitful .. all the way up to xmas 2005 when he ran off and was unfaithful with a stranger he met in a dance club.
from dec to may he still couldnt admit it or deal with his own emotions and tell me.then in june he admitted it and filed for divorce. I believe in monogamy and trust--

and I just dont understand IF you both have cheated--what will your NEXT relationship be based on.?

You have to earn and give trust to be trusted..My marriage is over,and Im glad I found OUT he cheated--because THATS a deal breaker -26 years or NOT.

Good luck.
I still believe--that real Love is ever faithful NOT deceptive!

Answer 6

I would ask you do you guys really love each other and why are you still together? If you really love each other like you say you do I don't see why it can't work, people have a knack for making things more complicated than they really are! If you are going to be together than it is going to require the building of trust on both of your parts. Just go back to the time when you all first met and think of all the good times and the not so good times. If you think that it is worth saving then you both are going to have to work at it, not just one party. But if only one of you wants it then you already know what to do!

Answer 7

You did what nature called you to do. Now you are fickle about it or just plain flabby gasted about it. What will be will be, but now lets look at this from another point. You both are mature adults I assume...help me here,,,\dont' you think it is time to move on. The one thing that is very painful is when a man and or woman leaves their mate because of infidelities. If you both are in sync about what you did and want to put it in the past...do so diligently.
Life is too short to start all over again and for what to do it again later in life. take this lesson and learn from it now. Put it behind you and move on with your marriage and you both can thank each other later down the road that you were mature enough and understanding enough to know what you did was wrong and move on. If you can do that...baby your in love!!! CONGRATS and God Speed to you both. P.S. I'm available...he he...its a joke...bye

Answer 8

That's a hard one. You both have cheated so the trust has to be mended first. You need to talk about it and try to put some trust back into your relationship. If you feel it is too far gone, then move on.

Answer 9

Have to consider that since both has cheated. Then you and him might go back out to play. The marriage may hold, if you both work it out for the good. Tempations are hard, and the addtiction is ever harder.
But If you feel like it's going to be a failure. The call it quits, and save what hurt and heartache you got left.

Answer 10

Nope, plz do not use cliches. Once a cheat need not always be a cheat. Are you saying that you will also cheat again? Don't you believe that "every failure is a stepping stone to success". There are many successful people who have changed their lives with determination. It depends on whether you want to change your lives or want to live like animals?

Answer 11

The both of you have cheated on each other at one time, what gives you the right to doubt his trust? You did the exact same thing! It doesn't matter who cheated on the other the most! The first time is all that really matters!! If he is willing to stay with you and not doubt your trust then you should do the same for him! But if you are having doubts about yourself and you are just trying to lay the blame on him then you should leave! you are not suppose to judge, especially when you have did the exact same thing yourself!!!!!!