He left me pregnant, baby is here, now he wants a life with us??

Question

The father of my 10 day old baby left me in December, for "problems" we were having. Nothing to run from though. He would talk to me like once every 2 months the whole time i was pregnant. Me and him started to talk again about a month before the baby was due. On Fathers Day, i went into labor. My water broke at church and i called him immediately. He said he would be at the hospital in a little bit---he never showed up. I was in the hospital till Tuesday and he never came or CALLED. He didnt even sign the birth cert. He says that he didnt think the babywas his and he didnt want to be around my family. This past weekend we spent together, he now wants to marry me, put us on his insurance, and move back in together. He will look at his baby boy and tears will fill up his eyes. Is this all a lie again? What do i do? Can a baby actually change a man just like that??

I DIDNT CHEAT---- HE KNOWS THAT

Answer 1

while yes a baby can change the way a father feels about the idea of having a child, chances are, he only thinks baby changed his feelings for you. I would be wary of the whole thing. If he thought the baby was not his, and knows now that he was wrong there is a possibility that he realized his mistakes. Unfortunatly this does not sound like the case. Give this some time... he was extremely unfair to you and your unborn child... you don't need to trust him just yet. That doesnt mean you shouldnt reestablish the lines of communication, but don't get too excited and don't take too much of his help. (though do take what you need to get by) He has alot of explaining to do and it will take some time to do it. Also, even if you know it is his baby, make him take a paternity test and sign the birth certificate... you need to make sure you can contact him for child support should he flake out again. Best of luck, i hope for you and your child's sake he's more serious this time.

Answer 2

It is VERY COMPLICATED AND DIFFICULT to have social problems, anger, etc... during the birth and first few months of a child's life. You want to avoid this at all costs. It is very stressful. It is also the worst time to make big decisions except for the ones you have to make.

Yes people can change, just like that with a baby but no you should not believe it at this point.

Absolutely do not marry the guy until things settle down, maybe 2-3 years or so. The baby will have no idea. There are plenty of ways for a new mother and baby to get healthcare in most states, so don't do a thing like this for any reason except that your relationship has improved over a long period of time.

In short, Be forgiving and open and understanding, and make sure he has plenty of access to his child. BUT! Absolutely don't do anything hasty like move in together or get married unless things have been good for a very long time.

Good luck!

Answer 3

A baby can't really change a man like that. I can't really tell you how that person thinks, but maybe he found out that the only way to keep going in life is to stay with you. I am saying that he might be taking advantage of the situation. Put him to the test. Believe me a guy who doesn't really love the child will suffer if you make him take care of him, or change his diaper. I know that because that is what my uncle always tells me. If you really love him, and think that is is the best for you and your baby, then why not give him a chance. Also try to talk to him more, and ask him why he made that decision, but do it in a happy and confident way. If he is liying again you will notice it with the look of his eyes, and expression of his face. Good luck.

Answer 4

Sounds like you cheated on him, to me... Something like that is VERY hard to get over, and he may have just needed some time to deal with the situation. ...A situation made worse in some ways when you turned up pregnant.

...I hope I'm wrong, 'cuz I wish no one would have to go through the pain of someone they love betraying them...

If he's trying to be a good father now, I don't see any harm in giving him a chance... Holding a grudge for past transgressions isn't going to help anybody; especially the baby.

Answer 5

All of that sounds so poor! you're proper, your boyfriend received't replace. he's an exceedingly indignant guy. is this the difficulty wherein you want to develop the youngster? If no longer, have you ever considered adoption? no longer something is incorrect with giving the toddler a strong set of oldsters who're financially look after and would provide her each and every thing she desires. in reality, which will be the most selfless, loving element a mom might want to do. there are many folk who're pleased with an open adoption, meaning no longer something is a secret. they'd stay their lives and raise the toddler, yet possibly deliver you photos now and again or a letter to inform you how issues are going. you may want to save in contact too so as that when the youngster is an adult, she will be able to the contact you. in case you probably did opt for on adoption, you may want to provide your self time to go back to varsity, on student loans and resources, stay contained in the dorm once you're able to (or at your mom's) and get your existence back heading in the right direction. 24 isn't previous! it would damage plenty to get there, yet you may want to do it. you would nicely be truly self sufficient, making your man or woman judgements and with the flexibility to grant for your self. upon getting your degree and a sturdy career, you may want to then turn to looking a husband who will manage you with love and understand. I do desire you stumble on a thanks to a much better, extra non violent existence. :-)

Answer 6

OH MY GOSH. Same situation I was in. I was alone my whole pregnancy then 3 days after he was born he wanted to come back. He did not sign the birth cert. So he has my last name. We tried I was too full of anger & he cheated all the time never worked out. He was not in the delivery room either. You can try it but dont give it you all thats his job. I hate men like that. They know you big & pregnate & no one will want you. So he parties & dates while your pregnate. Then when its all done with they want you back.
If you want a friend to chat with you can email me I completly understand [e-mail]

Answer 7

Who knows?

I would give him a deadline on the wedding? let's say 3 months?

You don't need a huge wedding, just go to city hall and get married. The wedding certificate will talk three days and then you can get married by a judge, clerk or justice of the peace. You can do the church thing later.

I think its easier to get child support as well as spousal support once you were married then going to court to get the state to recognize paternity and get child support. I am saying this for your child's sake and that statistically 50% of the marriages fail.

Get him to care for the kid who needs two parents emotional and financial support

Answer 8

A guy who won't show up to see the beginning of a life that he knew he possibly made is just plain messed up. He was too selfish when you were in labor. If he knew there was a small possible chance that the baby was his, he should of thought of that child and not himself. There will be other things that will come along and you will see his selfishness. If you are fine with living with being last and not having him there for important moments in your son and you life, than stay with him.

Answer 9

think about the baby growing up without a father
at least it would be more legal if the baby has a father
but most important think about the conflict that may occur if he wants to take away the baby from you
if he loves you marry him if not forget it the baby is more important
i wish you luck dont rush in taking your decision

Answer 10

At first He was afraid,and in denial,but He did
come back,and stand up like a Man. Give him
A chance He may just fool You and do what He
is suppose to do. All Men aren't Rats.