She gave me a toolbox for my BD, not romantic, but something that i needed anyway. So when her BD came around this week, I bought her a vacuum cleaner since ours broke 3 days ago. She looked at me like I was a space alien, and walked away. Why am I the bad guy here? How can she be mad at me? She gave me a tool set, so I just returned the favor with something that she needed too. Somehow I am the insensitive A hole, I didn't ask for a tool set, but that's what I got, and I am just happy she remembered my birthday. And happy to get a gift from my wife, apparently...she's gone off the deep end, I'm sleeping on the couch, and the house hasn't been vacuumed since her BD. At least it's quiet, cause she's not talking to me either...What does everyone think of this...Is there a double standard? Does she have a right to be mad at me? Should I apologize? Help...
2006-06-28 11:15:49 · 42 answers · asked by photoguy1967 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't feel so bad. The first summer we were in our house my husband gave me a weed wacker for my b/d.
2006-06-28 11:20:04 · answer #1 · answered by dcbowls 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
She probably figured a tool set was something you would enjoy using. Yeah, its a double standard, but did either of you give a card along with the gift? If so, were they both equally mushy? I cannot say why because I would be happy with something for the house as a gift, but I know most women would not. If you want to make up, use the vacuum yourself, give her a mushy card and something she loves (flowers, chocolates, gift certificate to her favorite restaurant, what ever) with your reasoning and without your judgment of her. The thing about being mad is that it is an emotion and emotions cannot be rationalized away and everyone is entitled to them. I cannot say if you should apologize only you can decide if you want to. I would say explain, even if you have to do it in a note (again without judging her) if she won't listen. If you really want a mushy card there is a web site I came across once that does custom poetry.
2006-06-28 11:25:12 · answer #2 · answered by Jill M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain lol.
Guys love tools, most guys any way, and new ones are great, so that's ok for a lady.
Never, ever, under any circumstances buy a woman any type of appliance for a birthday or anniversary. Ideally, jewelry is a sure thing, doesn't need to be a 5 karat diamond or anything, jsut something that says you made an effort.
If you don't want to go that route, here's something that I've found works great. Take her out to a nice dinner, then take her to her favorite store and inform her that you're buying her a new outfit...shoes included if she wants. Or something else that I've found they love....book her a couple sessions with a massage therapist, or a day at a spa, let her be treated like a queen for a day.
For now? Go out tomorrow and get here that day at the spa. Come home, give her the info, tell her you love her, and explain how deeply sorry you are for the brain fart.
I'm not saying she has the right to be mad at you, but she is going to be. Welcome to the wonderful world of marriage.
2006-06-28 11:41:07 · answer #3 · answered by jimmy h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh... brother. Okay, here it is. When a guy gets tools its okay because he will use them and he probably likes them and even though it is not romantic, the guy probably don't care he's happy with the tools. When a girl gets something equal to tools; like the vacuum it peeves her because she wants the romantic gift for her birthday it makes her feel special. Women expect the finer things for her birthday it is, for some reason a big deal to get something feminine for your birthday. A vacuum basically reminds her she is a house wife, even if she isn't your telling her by your gift that that is for her and she should use it. Hope this helps and maybe you should get your lady some roses and a necklace or something
2006-06-28 11:22:12 · answer #4 · answered by ~Ronyea Q♪ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women do not want appliances, vacuums, pots or pan for any occasion, including birthdays. Yes, your gift was practical in the sense your vacuum cleaner broke 3 days prior. But she was expecting something more than another tool to use to clean the home.
So, you are now in the doghouse. Learn from this experience. Call your local florist and send her a bouquet of roses or other favourite flowers, and include a note indicating you are sorry for your insensitivity.
2006-06-28 12:55:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not know how long you have been married but lets start all over again . She will never know what you want nor will you ever know what she wants unless you two communicate those wishes or desires before that special occasion.
Lists of what you or your wife desires are a great help. Also gift cards to each others favorite store or mall works well. But the best I have found in our thirty year marriage is" honey what did i get you for (insert special occasion)?
Tell her you are so sorry for not getting it, but you 've got it now and you two decide together how you want to deal with this issue from here on out .
Marriage is a lot of work,communication, forgiveness and negotiations but the payoff is priceless. Never give up ! Communication will always keep you in your own bed!
2006-06-28 12:04:41 · answer #6 · answered by Skysfl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, you messed up. She got you something for you that you wanted and could use for your enjoyment. Tools are a guy thing and looked upon with pride. What you got your wife is something to do house work. It was something you needed as a family and not something she needed for just herself or something that she could do more with than just clean house. When buying gifts for women you have to be thoughtful. Do not buy general household items such as vacuum cleaners, stoves, washers and dryers, etc...Take time to know your woman and what she likes. If she likes jewelry which is usually a safe bet know what her ring size is or what her wrist size is and if she likes certain stones, gold, or silver, or what ever and shop for something in that vain. If she has a hobby find something that supports that hobby that is unique or that she wouldn't buy herself. If she reads a certain author or style of book get the newest one out there that she hasn't had a chance to read. Even just buy her flowers and take her to eat at her favorite restaurant. The key is to show her that you know her and care about her interests when giving her a gift.
2006-06-28 11:32:16 · answer #7 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! Never, ever, give a woman an appliance for her birthday. A vacuum cleaner as a birthday gift is an insult. You're lucky to be sleeping on the couch. If it was me, you would have been wearing that vacuum cleaner in a most uncomfortable way.
Plead stupidity and beg for forgiveness now.
2006-06-28 11:20:48 · answer #8 · answered by kja63 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most women buy practical gifts for men, usually because they like to do stuff around the house and thats what they like to do in spare time.
Some women love practical gifts because it makes their life easier..cleaning..gadgets etc. and they use them gratefully. But, to some women they may feel that a vacume or some other practical gift is like expecting them to do more cleaning or work around the home..some already feel like they are overwhelmed by the workplace and then come home and have to keep up with the housekeeping too. Those type of women might resent the "practical gift the most. They might prefer something more intimate..like a romantic dinner..maybe a nice necklace?..or overnight at a nice hotel..candles..the romantic stuff...it just depends on the woman..Asking always helps.
2006-06-28 11:38:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hahahahahaha thats just one of the many differences between men and women... OK she buys you tools cause she thinks you have fun doing stuff with them right... so you buy her a vacuum cleaner.. do you think she has fun vacuuming with it?? I don't think so , so theres your answer,,lol thats why she's mad... next time buy her something personal that she can enjoy...lol and you'll never have to sleep on the lounge again.. buy her a new vacuum or other stuff like that only when one breaks or just cause you need one , not for xmas , or birthdays or anniverarys.. say sorry tell her you thought about it and you can she why she's mad and give hre something nice to make up for it and a big kiss and hug..lol good luck! us women really aren't that complicated , it's simple things that mean so much to us but you guys always seem to miss the mark..lol
2006-06-28 11:23:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, first off..Men LIKE tools...they like to be out tinkerin with crap when they should be spending time makin their wife (and kids if thats the case) feel special. Women, on the other hand DO NOT like to vacuum, housework is a CHORE, and when her BD comes around the last thing she wants is something to remind her of all the CHORES she has to do. Now, if you want back in her bed and good graces, you go back out and get her something for herself...jewelry, spa gift certificates...her favorite designers newest bag..whatever....just go do it and do it now. Do not attempt to ever purchase her household appliances as a gift again. If the vacuum is broke, she will replace it with what kind/style she wants..if its her bday she wants you to think of HER not what chores she has to do. Good luck!
2006-06-28 11:34:33 · answer #11 · answered by Sharlala 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋