Why is it hard for me to date women outside of my race?

Question

I am a black LESBIAN and I am interested in women of ALL RACES, but every time I try to go up to a woman of a different race they blow me off (by saying they have a girl-friend) or from thier body language they seem as if they don't want to be bothered?! I don't understand why?? I sometimes think that all races seem intimidated by the black race. (Now I am not prejudice by no means) I mean what is it, do they think we are too strong? Too arrogant? You know how the world is with stereotypes on all races...........Well women help me out here (namingly lesbians, you can be bisexual too I guess LOL!!)

And another thing PLEASE do not leave negative comments. I am a nice woman thank you very much, and DON'T say that LESBIANS are gross (straight women) that is why I asked for lesbians or bisexual women to answer it. Have some respect.

Answer 1

I'm sorry that you've experienced this rejection. I don't know if there is any specific reason as to why this has happened to you. It could just be bad luck. It could also be a self fulfilling prophesy that you've created. You may come off as a bit intimidating and turning off certain women may have absolutely nothing to do with being black or purple or whatever. I mean its also possible that Lesbians are just like other people too and some unfortunately have their own prejudices. What it comes down to is that most of the time you can't change someones perceptions no matter how hard you want to. But my advice for you is to try to focus less on race and more on individual women you encounter. You are bound to find someone who will appreciate you.

Answer 2

Oh man. I think black skin is absolutely beautiful. My boyfriend is extremely sensitive about being black (he's half and half, but on the dark side) but I tell him again and again that he's just absolutely gorgeous. He is the first black person I have dated, and I just wonder, what has been wrong with me all these years? Well, I have some theories below.

I was not taught to be a racist, but I was taught there were lines you don't cross. If you don't grow up around certain things, you don't come to love or even like them. The thought to date a black person had simply never crossed my mind. Black people, in my area, fiercely separate themselves from all other cultures. If it weren't for the public school systems, I never would have met black people. They won't even come to my church. They even talk differently from everybody else, and this isn't because they're from a different country and have an accent - they as a race separate themselves. So I just became conditioned to see straight through them, because I was shut out. They weren't a part of my life - they didn't WANT to be a part of my life. So, it just never occurred to me to date black people. Strange sounding, maybe, but it's true!

How did I meet my boyfriend? A social ballroom dance class, of all places.

So, I guess I'm blathering on and on to say that, these woman who reject you have probably never dated a black woman, maybe they've never even been close friends with a black woman. They simply may not interact with black people, depending on where they come from, and they just don't feel like they have anything in common with them, or feel their advances are even welcomed. You might actually be SURPRISING them with your advances, and they reject out of shock.

So in that respect, they may be making decisions based on the color of your skin, and I am sorry for that. :(

At least, this was my experience. But now... things are very different. :)

Answer 3

In order for anyone to answer this question you have to make sterotypes, so I mean no offence to any one. I am a straight white female and something about me attracts black men(no im not fat nor do i have a big butt) In my experience black men are very forward and sometimes come on too strong. You will rarely see a white man come up and just tell you you look good and ask you for your number. I think many black people are raised to be more forward like that. If you approach a white woman like that maybe it turns her off because you come on too strong. Just a suggestion.

Answer 4

That's a tough one. It could just be your approach, maybe too confident, maybe not confident enough. It's hard to say without knowing you, or how you approach people. I know that for me in the past, there have been times when a girl has approached me seeming really eager to get to know me, only to find out that she was just looking to find someone to join her and her boyfriend, I hate that, so consequently, over eagerness kind of makes me shy away now. I know that I would not turn someone away based on color, but I can't speak for everyone. Try just changing things up a bit.

Answer 5

Hey, I'm a white lesbian and I tend to have the same problem. I think that the racial barriers are just huge in our society, it's really sad. The only girl I've been with who wasn't white was Asian, and we got wierder looks than usual.

Answer 6

Good question. Some people are adjusting to gay couples now, and bi-racial couples may scare them more.. Just go to an orgy. That may help things.

Answer 7

You will have to understand that if you wish to date other races, it will be even more difficult to meet that someone special...just go with the flow...it will happen sooner or later....just be patient...in the meantime just be satisfied with your b..o..b... battery operated Betty

Answer 8

Maybe they are just being honest! maybe they do have a girlfriend/boyfriend what ever they call their mate.Or maybe you come on too strong.Maybe the don't like your attitude or personality? Ask them!

Answer 9

It could just be that they don't have the same interest, in dating outside their race, as you do.

Answer 10

Maybe it isn't race. Maybe you're a little too aggressive.