Am I at fault?

Question

I had this boyfriend for 4yrs. he cheated we broke up. Now i have this new boyfriend(we've been dating for 2yrs.) my X showed up out of nowhere yesterday and when he found out i had a boyfirend and didn't want him, he got pissed and left. i found out 2hours ago he killed himself. His mother, father, sister, and all of his freinds blame me. is it really my fault????

Answer 1

let me get this straight, he cheated on you, which resulted in you breaking up. having realized that he messed up almost two years later, he then decides to try to rekindle an old flame, but to his surprise and disappointment, he sees that you have went on with your life with a new love. he realizes that he's totally screwed and, sadly, decides to do a river phoenix...

i would say that, no. he was 100% at fault... for being weak. weak enough to cheat on you after four years into a relationship. weak enough not to handle the consequences of his actions. and weak enough to be convinced that [suicide] was the only resolve. you say this word for word to any family member or other person whose given you flack for it, and see if they can still protest on his behalf.

Answer 2

No sweetheart you are not at fault. I am so sorry for your loss. The family seems like they are searching for someone to blame. If what you have said is true then the family must not know the truth of your relationship and therefore seek to find blame to the person their son was so heartbroken over. I hope the best for your new relationship and that the family learns a new way to deal with the pain of losing their son. Suicide seems like a way to get back at someone, but the family should realize that even if you did do anything wrong, their son made a horrible choice and no one is to blame for his actions. May he rest in peace. This is such a sad story. God Bless.

Answer 3

This is a very hard situation upon the fact that he cheated and that was the reason that you guys broke no is not your fault that he cheated and that you guys broke up. You moved on and started a new life with someone else he had no reason to come to you're home and make you feel bad for what he's done to you dont blame urself for his actions you didn't help him killed himself he did it 2 himself. GOOd LUCK!!! My heart goes out to you,

Answer 4

NO!

My ex committed suicide too. It's not your fault. Suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do. They hurt their friends and family and even people who hardly know them. I would have done anything for my ex. All he had to do was ask....I was crushed that he made such a selfish choice. I never really understood....until someone I knew & loved did it.

It had nothing to do with you. If it had to do with you it would have been an 'attempt' (ie a way to get attention). The fact that he followed through with it means that he had bigger problems.

You have to understand that in order to cope his parents need someone to blame. They cannot just handle the fact that their kid was screwed up. They cannot handle the fact that they are probably to blame. They are using you as a scapegoat...blaming you for something that had nothing to do with you.

Sorry for your loss. I know how you feel and it sucks =(

You'll just have to take it slow. Just cry about it. One day it'll hurt less. It will never stop hurting, but eventually it will hurt less.

I feel so bad for you =( Just try to avoid his family for now until they come to terms with what happened and stop being asses to you.

Answer 5

Suicide is the fault of the guy who killed himself! You are in no way to blame for this! I had a very close friend commit suicide, and it broke my heart. How could you know what his reaction would be? His family has spent more time with him over the past few years, and if they didn't see the warning signs, how could you? This is NOT your fault!

Answer 6

did you "make" him kill hisself? How could it possibly be your fault unless you pulled the trigger, put the rope around his neck and pulled away the chair, took the knife and slit his wrists, shoved the pills down his throat, drove his car onto the train tracks, pushed him off the bridge... etc... these people that are telling you it's your fault are just looking for someone to blame... they are sad and very upset but putting the blame on you is completely wrong.... this guys was probably very messed up....... and nothing you did or said would have changed that.. he made the choice to take his own life... you didn't make that choice for him.. we can't control what others do.. we can only control what we do and say...that's it. he is responsible for his own actions... it's a very sad thing but you are not at fault...

Answer 7

No.

Can you completely control the actions of another human being? Of course not. Your ex was an adult, and made his own decision. More than likely, he was suicidal long before he looked you up yesterday. His family and friends are blaming you because they themselves are probably feeling guilty for not "seeing it coming" and are looking for a conveniant scapegoat. Which, unfortunately, happens to be you.

If this is bringing up bad feelings then you should talk to somebody, like a cousellor.

This is totally not your fault.

Answer 8

No it is not your fault for the actions of others, and placing blame on you is most likely displaced anger. Try to understand and get on with your life. Best wishes.

Note: A professional may be needed by all parties involved.

Answer 9

That is terribly sad and I'm sorry that this happened to some one you know. This is definitely NOT your fault. You did the right thing. There is no way you could have known that he was suicidal. I'm sure this barely related to you if at all. His family is a lot more responsible since they were with him recently and knew him for his entire life. They should have payed closer attention to his behavior.

Again, my consolences.

Answer 10

Woa, thats straight out of the movies. Of course its not your fault. He killed himself. No jury in the world would dare convict you. Maybe this is why you didn't take him back, hes a wack job!!! I dont mean to be insensitive but in this world we have a problem with helping those who really need help. And your ex-lover is a prime example.