if your husband...?

Question

brings in the most of the earnings into your home,and controls the spending and how your money is spent is that considered domestic abuse?

Answer 1

YES,
abuse does not have to b physical there can be verbal abuse.

A marriage is a partnership, it should not matter who brings in the most as long as you both can agree on how it is spent.

he has no rite to tell how your money should be spent, he is a control freak, u should seek some form of counselling or talk to citizens advice bureau, it is confidential.

but don't tolerate it

Answer 2

Domestic abuse? If he makes the bacon he should have a say in the way it is spent. BUT if he is making poor decisions such as buying a grill instead of paying a electric bill then you have a problem. Because he is the one making more of the money, he really should have the upperhand in financial situations. Although, in a courtroom things will be even because you are a union... in reality it is his hard earned cash.

If he is spending it irresponsibley resulting in returned checks, fees, etc. you need to take matters into your own hands by working a budget out with him. When you mention domestic abuse I assume its far beyond this point.

Money is the #1 reason couples break up these days.

Answer 3

No, it's not considered domestic abuse. However, since you said he "brings in the most", I'm guessing you work also. You should get some say in how the money is spent. As long as the money does go to the cost of living (house and food), it shouldn't be an issue. If your husband is spending the money on himself, you definitely have a problem. After my daughter was born, my ex worked while I stayed home with our daughter. He started spending his paycheck on computer stuff and his other hobbies that we had to borrow money from his parents, once, to pay rent. Needless to say, I left him and made a better life for me and my daughter.

Answer 4

I don't think you can call it domestic abuse, one of you has to handle the bills but having said that if he was anyway decent he would allow for the fact that you have an imput to make too. Women who stay at home do a valuable job (hardest and most important job..minding the children) plus by the sound of it you work as well out of the home.
I do think you need to have a talk with him, I will have my fingers crossed for you.

Answer 5

Which country? In the UK any form of physical or mental control/dominance can be construed as domestic abuse/violence. This can include the financial side of the relationship.

Check your phone book for a local group or organisation offering help to abused women. Or contact your local police station and ask them who you should contact.

It is difficult to say more than that without knowing more about your circs.

Answer 6

no, a lot of couples are like that, in my marriage we discuss what needs to be spent when and where together, on occasion we might each maybe have a blow out on a bit of retail therapy on our selves but before we we mention it to each other to see if its OK, so say i took 200 pounds out to buy clothes for myself i would let him know before hand and when i got back he wouldn't hound me over what was spent i would just keep the change of the 200 pounds and i would treat him the same vice versa, I'm on top of what is spent where and how most of the time, im not dominant about it, i just like to keep on top of things, its not a trust issue its just the way me and my husband are, we both work full time, i earn a little more than he does but even if he were earning a little more than me instead we would still be the same as we are now. Have you tried talking to your husband about how you feel? i hope for your sake he isnt one of those men that still live in the dark ages, these are new ages where both husband and wife should be equal and treat eachother so, i guess this world isnt perfect and still many men still need to update themselves, try talking to him and if you still see no change in the future and it is making you extremely unhappy then maybe you should consider trial seperation, hard to do i know but it might give him the kick up the bum he needs, if that doesnt work either and you feel it would make you extremely unhappy at the thougt of spending the rest of your life with someone who is dominating on how much his and your money is spent then maybe consider making a perminant seperation, difficult to do in the short term i know but in the long term you will be a more happy independant women, in a life where you only answer to nobody and no man only to your self and where your the one that incharge of your finances and decides what needs paying when and where, plus you can if your finances will stretch that far get to treat yourself every once in a while with out worrying about getting in trouble. x

Answer 7

it can be, if he uses money to control what you do and when you do it and how you behave it most definitely is. check out websites on the cycle of violence (just put it in a search engine) there are lots of them with great information. how does he control your money? if he behaves like that i'd go open my own account with the money i earned myself and that would be the end of that. to an extent he can only do this as much as you will allow it. yes he makes more money but apparently you make some too, keep yours for you, if he needs some to pay the bills let him ask you for it, my guess is he won't like that much and maybe he'll realize what he's been doing to you. a taste of their own medicine is sometimes the only way to get men to understand what they are doing. but you don't have to play along by handing him your check or by depositing it in HIS account.

Answer 8

if you are both earning, and bills are paid, it should be down the MIDDLE. what does he withhold? in what way?and deoes he have an expenditure above yours? ie: does he go golf and you stay at home or is he responsible with it? does he buy things for HIM but deny you?
more details for an honest answer, abuse comes in many forms, its hard to say without the full picture. i know of many spouses who withold money form their partners, some do it because the other is frivilous, some do it because they are greedy and dont see the marriage as a partnership

Answer 9

He makes the money he controls the money. That's not abuse that's the way life is. An attempt to label that abuse only belittles your intent. Lets make this clear, black eye-abuse, bank account-finance, missing teeth -abuse, making money and keeping it -responsibility. You want disposable income? Get a job.

Answer 10

Do you mean that he also controls your own earnings??? I am not sure how this would be categorised, ut you should certainly ask a legal advisor. By law you are entitled to sufficient money to maintain your standards, and if you do not have this, but are working, there is a point here to e answered. Good luck

Answer 11

No domestic abuse is when your being abused.Verbally or physically.Forcing you to follow a budget is far from abuse.Now if he takes your paycheck and smacks you around for buying a pair of jeans, then it's domestic violence