Should I have a baby with him?

Question

I just turned 31, my husband 26 in the Marine corp. In the past two years he has had some issue with anger/emotions. He has yelled, cursed at me, thrown things/hit things across the room. I have been very patient with him,and he is GREATLY working on controling himself and is talking with me more. Now he talks about wanting to have a baby....I want to have a baby so bad, but I'm afraid of the anger that I have seen in the past. He is working on it, but I don't think its gone. If he contiunes to have problems with anger then i don't want to have a baby with him or be with him, the hard part is that I am getting older and I cannot predict the future of the anger. What should I do? Should I wait it out another year or so and see what happens with him?

Answer 1

I was engaged to marry a Marine Corps guy.. I split the relationship off cause of his anger issues aswell.. do they breed that into them at boot camp.. anyway.. a baby only makes a situation more tense with a baby crying all the time the lack of sleep and plus he wont' get you all to himself anymore. I would tell you to really think about the decsion.

Answer 2

If he cannot take responsibility and control of his emotions, then how can he possibly be a good partner for you? If you choose to remain, you should insist upon counseling for the two of you as a couple. Do not have a baby with him until he has shown substantial improvement.

No one has the right to physically or verbally abuse another human being. If you find that you feel fearful more often than not because of the unpredictable nature of his rage, that is the surest sign that this relationship is toxic to you and that you should get out and get help as soon as possible. If he abuses you, you need to call the police and, at the very least, establish a record of his behavior. And you need to get out. Even if you don't have time to get all of your things, not even the most sentimental treasures will ever compare to the value of your own life.

So, to repeat: if he's physically abusing you or verbally threatening, you need to report it to the police and you need to leave. Abuse is the end of a relationship; there is no relationship in the prescence of abuse.

If he is having anger management issues that trouble you, but he is NOT abusing or threatening you...then you need to insist that he get counseling, particularly with you as a couple. If he can't learn new methods of coping and expressing anger and frustration, then you need to leave.

Do NOT have child with him until he shows substantial improvement. You still have much time to have a baby; wouldn't it be better to raise such a baby in a peaceful home?

Answer 3

I would first wait until he seeks help! If that's something he's already doin then I would wait to see if things get better.. Thats the worst thing u can do is bring a child into a situation like this. I kno u want a child but it's important to kno the responsibilities of raising a child. It's not easy and if he can't control his anger and it's jus u and him how do u think he's goin to respond to a child. So talk to him and explain what it means to bring a child into ur lives right now and let him kno that u really don't feel like thats the best thing to do at this moment. But if he get's help and learns to deal wit his issues then maybe it will happen in the future. But I will tell you this, if he doesn't agree to get help then that should tell you something.. It's not just about U and him, now ur thinkin about bringin an innocent person who can't defend him/herself into this pic. So plz seek help first....Good Luck

Answer 4

While your husband is working on getting his anger under control, if you're still concerned, you should encourage him to get some therapy (the Family Service Center on ANY base - Naval or Marine) will help immensely.
But one thing you never said was that you loved your husband and wanted only the best for him, you and your perspective baby; just that he/you want a baby and you're concerned about his anger.

If after all is done that can be done, and you feel you can manage, you should have a baby. People have raised children on their own before without problems, if it really came down to that.

Answer 5

I see your problem but there's more too it if you suddenly got pregnant. The military breeds people to consider their duty and career first and foremost i.e. duty, honor, country. He will be hardcore USMC. And it's not just breed, some people are naturally like that and are attracted to the lifestyle. However, if you have a baby i.e. his baby, the Corps will start making him more responsible for his family. He still needs to focus on his career but that career will now put in the "but what about your kids" in all his orders. If he does not want to be responsible, the Corps. WILL MAKE him responsible. Now here's the problem, a large majority of military will harbor resentment b/c of it. So watch out. Also, consider this, the divorce rate in the enlisted military is a bit higher than the civilian world. Divorce amoung officers is above 78%. These things are not meant to scare you but they are somethings you need to think about if you want to bring another life into this world.

Finally, from what you wrote, your husband may be a lifer. But what he doesn't see at this juncture is how the military will do three things to you: court you, marry you, then divorce you. All of which will not be on his timeline. If he gets out for circumstances not in his control or not based on his terms, he will harbor resentment. I don't mean to trash the military or any relationship anyone has with anyone in the military but accept what I said. If you're still willing, then I say do it out of your own free will and do it for yourself, not him.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

You first need to do whats best for before you want to add a baby in the picture. Having a baby in this type of environment could cause you to lose the baby due to stress. Maybe you two can go to counseling first try to work on his anger issues. Then you two can work on having a baby.

Answer 7

Sorry to say it, but if you have to ask that question then you probably shouldn't. Anger is a hard thing to control and if he still has issues putting a child in that situation will only make it worse and isn't good for the child either.

Answer 8

If you have any fears at all I would absolutley wait to have children. Because once you have children with somebody you are tied to that person forever.
I would definitely get into some formal counseling and really get the issue under control before you do anything else. Do he ever get violent with you?
Take your time and be very careful.

Answer 9

see if he will agree to go to professional, non military, counseling either on his own or with you.
if he is willing to go its a sign that even if his anger issues aren't completely resolved yet, he's working on it.
i would wait for a few years though, just to make sure. 31 isn't all that old.

Answer 10

wow I believe the usmc does that to everyone my man the same way.That is someting you two is going to have to work on. I lost my baby for him acting out so you really going to have to sit and talk to him how women get mood swings and how things willl change when baby arrives and let him know you want to be there for him to help him keep his cool