Ok, is this wrong to think... My husband and I have talked about having a 3some...?

Question

At first I was afraid but now I put it in my head worse case we have an open relationship. Is this wrong to think this way? My original fears where that him and her would hook up.

Answer 1

As some one who has done open relationships for the last 5 years, I can tell you that your husband can cheat on you with or without you there. Is there a chance he'll leave you for this third girl? Yeah, its small but not impossible. But there is also a chance he'll leave you for a woman he works with or the babysitter or someone from your church. There is always a chance that people can betray us, can leave us, and can fundamentally screw us the f*ck over. However, I've seen a lot more lies, cheating, and general-******-up-ness in the "closed" relationships of those around me then in my open ones. In an open relationship, when you want something, you ask and discuss and set reasonable boundries. In a mongamous relationship, you hide your desires, get all secretive and weird, and end up sneaking around and lying to your partner.

But this shouldn't be your primary concern in having a threesome.

In order to be really ready to have a threesome, you have to feel like
1) pretty damn sure you're so awesome that you know that your hubby won't leave you AND
2) sure that if he does, that it is not in any way shape or form your fault. It's because he's the jerk not you.

You're coming off insecure here, and only you can decide how insecure you are and how far you want to go. Don't jump into anything with serious serious issues, because it isn't fair to any of the three of you. It's not fair to your hubby to do fake being ok and do this half-assed, its not fair to you to do something you're nto ready for, and it certainly isn't fair to your 3rd, who has nothing to do with any of this and shouldn't have to deal with your issues.

If you don't want to have an open relationship, don't have an open relationship. It's that simple. Having a threesome doesn't summerily force you into anything you don't want - and anyone telling you otherwise is a total f*cker.

There is a lot of stuff to worry about with threesomes (who? how? where? what is ok? what is off limits? why do we want this? when? does one of you want it more? etc). But if your own insecurities about losing your partner are the first thoughts on your mind, then you need to slow down and get yourself all fixed up self esteem-wise before you rush into this.

Answer 2

First I apologize if it seems like a bible thump, but what you and your husband, even is you consent to it is adultery. Against one of the ten commandments. However, if you feel like doing this go for it, but be warned. The worst thing that can from it is not an "Open" relationship. Opening up a relationship can cause other problems.

You husband may feel it is then ok to see other people without you and Open it up further and you could end up divorced. Or as your original fears could come true. He could hook-up with this other lady and like here better and decide you aren't worth it.

Having a healthy sex life doesn't mean you have to Open up a relationship. It means find new ways to please your husband.

I would also ask you this. Who brought up the idea of a 3-some? Chances are the one who brought it up is not satisfied in the relationship and has already sought out others to play with. If he brought ti up, he's most likely already cheated on you.

Last, would you really want to be with someone who does not think you sexually satisfy him and has to seek out a 3rd?

Answer 3

This might open up a huge can of worms...Are you willing to watch your husband make love to another woman, while you are on the side lines masturbating? Are you willing to watch your man have anal sex with another guy, (If your 3 some is m/m/f). The extra person will not be just for you to play with, your husband will take full advantage of the situation. Is your marriage strong enough to handle that? When you are a lone with your husband, will you wonder if he's thinking of the 3rd wheel? In my humble opinion, I would pass on the 3some.

Answer 4

The most important thing I have to say here is....You must fully trust each other b4 u make this leap! If so, There can be great benefits in it relationship-wize...that is IF b4 u act on it, you set boundaries that each of you agree upon and respect.....and stick to them!
You didn't mention some details about what exactly u discussed...except that we know u discussed a GIRL.
What exactly did u as a cpl decide HER role in your sexlife would be? Is she to be there for his pleasure, your pleasure, or both? I noticed that alot of your replies assumed that she was for his pleasure and that you would be masturbating on the side-lines...If you happened to be bisexual, that wouldn't be the case would it? And if you aren't, that still is a pretty "Vanilla" way of looking at it! There are way more than "one" thing you could be doing! If u r straight, u could be pleasing him elsewhere, or he could be pleasing u as she pleases him, and vice~versa. If u r Bi, then u and he could be pleasing her together or u and she pleasing him or Or even better, she and he could be pleasing you!
It doesn't matter which of you brought it up, couples who are in love like to find ways to spice it up sometimes. And sometimes, just the talking about it or fantasizing about it is all it takes to add that spice. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find someone compatable and willing to join in?
Now, let me mention this most important aspect of your mentality that was blatantly evident in the way you worded your question....The green-eyed JEALOUSY monster! If you don't have enough faith in your man to NOT feel jealousy, then however erotic the thought of a 3sum is for you...DON"T DO IT! It will definitely be a means to the end of your marriage. It's OK to fantasize about it, just don't act it out unless you become more secure.
Now , with that said...and if u get over the jealousy....is this his fantasy, or yours? I believe if we agree to have experiences such as these together, that it should be a one for you, one for me deal. If this is his idea, would he then be willing to let another man service his wife? Ask him how he feels about that. Be honest with each other. If you decide to go forward with anything, the most important thing you can do is PREPARE for it. Talk about what limitations you have for each other. And if you can't agree wholly, stop right there.
I hope that you can come to an agreement, because if you have that bond together, it can be a great turn on for years to come, even if u only do it once. It can even strengthen your bond by participating together in such an unihibited act. It will make you "a team" so to speak.
If you're not certain, then just wait until your marriage has "ripened" a little more. There are plenty other ways to " be bad" together without risking what you hold dear. In the mean time, buy some videos taylored to the specific 3 sum arrangement you'd like to have, pick out a chick or a guy you both think would be a good partner, and talk about her/him during sex...what they'd be doing for who, what you want to do to her/him, what you'd like him/her to do to your spouse...etc. Imagination can take you to many places if you just open up to it!
I was bi-curious for about 9 yrs before I got to act on it, and we had our boundaries for each other set in stone for several years before an opportunity arose. And just remembering what we had shared made us nymphos for 2 years til the opportunity came up again. Last year we saw the hottest chick waitressing and went back several times just to get a better look. She has been the subject of our fantasies many times, and has never had a clue as to the pleasure just the thought of her brings! GOOD LUCK !!

Answer 5

All I even ought to assert is: Any guy who loves and respects you, would not pressure you to have a threesome for 10 years! He needs to "see you chuffed", yet might want to note how a lot the conception of a threesome repulses and offends you. He needs to make himself chuffed, no longer you. sex is something couples percentage, to be intimate. some human beings may be smooth with bringing extra human beings into the mattress room, and that is fantastic. notwithstanding it is also one hundred% fantastic to no longer favor to attempt this, and if you're saying no the first time, it should not be presented up back. he's a manipulative abuser, he's were given you proper the position he needs you - dependant on him, so that you experience trapped. he's not a good guy, nor a good husband. you would possibly want to comprehend that! My Dad is a extra special guy. He and my Mum have an outstanding marriage and are chuffed jointly. My Mum & Dad have a company jointly, and he or she not in any respect EVER has had to ask my Dad for money. They percentage each little thing - no allowance - and Mum is authorized to leave the domicile on each occasion she likes. do not you want a guy who facilitates you the freedom to be your own individual? do not you want a guy who's thoroughly dedicated to you and needs no longer something more desirable than to work out you chuffed? You deserve that a lot! you're saying he has "not in any respect deliberately damage" you - yet being hit contained in the great by his belt buckle? someone who loves you'll not try this to you. someone who loves you'll not keep you below lock and key, and grant you with NO money to spend on your self or issues that you want.

Answer 6

My wife and I have had an open marriage for about three years now. Currently she has two guys...I have no one really. She is straight, I am bi. The answer to your question to me is...there is no right, or wrong...if you are curious and want to share it with your husband fine...just know that feeling could get involved. jealousy, hate, feeling left out. You both need to trust each other, and know the rules before aether one starts on a relationship with another person.

Answer 7

From my perspective; I'd say go ahead and have a three-some. Make sure your husband up for this. Finally, ensure your husband that the only three way he's going to be a part is with you and another guy. It is his idea to have a 3-way correct?
All kidding aside, this is the worst idea a married couple could make. It's called 'accepted cheating'. It's not healthy.

Answer 8

exploring new areas that will give new and deeper meaning to your sexual relationship with your husband is perfectly fine. do no be afraid to discover new experience because this is only one area of your relationship, there are many major areas that has more weight like feelings, like commitment. enjoying this phase and finding ways to make each encounter new and exciting however will strengthen your relationship as both of you discover that marriage is never boring. loving a single person for life is never a routine. there are perks, there are sparkles, there are excitement that comes along the way. its just a matter of talking about it, agreeing to do it, and enjoying the moment.

Answer 9

If you weren't ready to dedicate your sex life to your spouse only why did you bother to get married?

Threesomes and group sex will probably harm your relationship. It will bring a level of distrust on both sides that few relationships can withstand.

If you wanted an open relationship, you shouldn't get married. I don't get how people think marriage is sacred.

It isn't wrong to have any kind of sex you can think of, but it is wrong to break your vows to your husband and for him to break his to you. Opening up the relationship makes liars of both of you. It saddens me that you didn't take your vows seriously when you took them.

Answer 10

Have your three way with another man instead of a woman. This will lower the chance that he will hook up with the guy later.