im a stay home mom. i have 2 children girl 15, boy 13. its summer time here so her bf comes over and my sons g/f comes over. i just cant send my kids off i dont want to be a granny. i watch my 2 neices every day. now my 2 nephews have been hanging out here too. my brothers live next to me. one in front other behind. then my mother in law lives next to 1 of my bros. my mom passed away 9 months ago at that time i stop smoking cigs too. plus im going thru menopause. about my 4th year of it. i feel like i get no time to breathe. my hubby helps when hes here but his job has him on call 24/7 every other week. my question is how many of u would be pulling hair out if they lived this life? plus i have 2 big dogs. and i cook and clean up after all these kids every day. the last kid leaves my house at 8 every night and they would be here at dawn if i let them. plus we have skateramp and swimming pool in yard that i take care of too. am i wrong for wanting time to myself?
2006-06-28 08:47:46 · 7 answers · asked by kitttkat2001 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
(laughing) take a vacation. i went about a month ago stayed the day in a motel and my kids texted me to death. asking me stupid crap.
2006-06-28 08:58:30 · update #1
i keep my neices cause their parents both work mon-fri. and as for my other brother haha hes known as a dead beat dad thats why i let the boys come over. i feel bad for them. i need to just say no and make mine do more. thats what hubby says too.
2006-06-28 09:15:58 · update #2
Poor thing. I feel for you, and I would be pulling my hair out too! However, your kids are old enough to pull their own weight a bit. Put them to work to help you out (certainly they can pick up after themselves and take care of the dogs), and limit the amount of time that the boyfriends and girlfriends can hang out. I think the reason women get so overwhelmed it because they don't say "no" often enough.
2006-06-28 08:57:45 · answer #1 · answered by RubySoho 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sounds awfully busy to me, but you have to be up front and let people know that you need some time off. You spend so much time meeting other people's needs, but not your own. Tell them that, and your kids are old enough to help out so get them busy, doing chores, looking after the nieces and nephews, and go to the spa for some Mom-alone time. Good Luck Hon.
2006-06-28 15:53:45 · answer #2 · answered by Crowfeather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you aren't crazy you are just overwhelmed. you need to put a stop to all the traffic all the time and designate certain days for the kids to visit. Make sure they are aware of what time is acceptable for them to arrive and for them to leave. I know you probably like being known as the "cool mom" and your house being the place where everyone wants to hang out but since you are feeling so overwhelmed its time to at least reduce it. just talk with your kids/niece/nephews and tell them that while you enjoy having them over you are going to have to set up certain days where they are at your house and then try to arrange days where they go over to someone else's house. a quick call to some of their parents wouldn't hurt and you would get some time to yourself. you are the adult here what you say goes. so say it!!!
2006-06-28 16:05:53 · answer #3 · answered by amyclay350 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heck no you aren't wrong for wanting time to yourself!! My question is: WHY AREN'T YOU HAVING THOSE KIDS (the older ones 13 on up) HELPING YOU TO CLEAN UP?? It is THEIR friends that are making messes. Why should YOU be the one to clean up after them? Kids can do this from the time they are very, very young. They need to do this so that when they are on their own, they will know how to do it without your help. I taught both of my stepkids to clean up after themselves (and they are awesome housekeepers now), and I was a nanny of 4 kids for 2 years and had all of them clean up after themselves (except the 3 year old as he has severe autism). Personally, I would tell the kids--before their friends show up--that THEY have to clean up after themselves and their friends and if they don't, then their friends will NOT be allowed to come over for a certain amount of time (you pick the amount of time and stick to it or they will walk all over you). As for the kids staying so long, tell them and your kids that they have a time limit for staying there. If they don't like it, that's tough. It is YOUR house, not theirs. It is your rules and up to you to enforce them.
Why doesn't your brothers or their wives take your nieces and nephews some days? This should be rotated since you guys live so close together. These are their kids, so they should be taking responsibility for them. Maybe even have the kids (yours and the nieces and nephews) go to your mother in laws for awhile a couple days a week.
As for the boyfriend and girlfriend, I don't blame you for having them there rather than having your kids go elsewhere with them. But, to have them there everyday is too much. Maybe tell them that they can come over certain days of the week, or only for certain hours of the day. To me, 13 and having a gf/bf is way too early. My parents would have killed me for having a bf at that age! They didn't like it when I had one at 14 and 15!!
It is up to you to enforce rules, change them, etc, so you can get some time to yourself. You also need time to grieve over your mother's death. And it is hard to quit smoking, especially when you are under sooooooooo much stress with that much going on at once. I would be doing more than pulling my hair out; I would be going totally nuts and be totally depressed.
You are a saint for taking on so much and dealing with all of it. But take care of yourself or you won't be able to take care of anyone else.
Is there a community center nearby that you can take your kids to so you can get some alone time and go do something for yourself? Or maybe another parents home--when the parents are home? These are just a couple of ideas to relieve the stress. Menopause is a very, very stressful time (so I've heard) and you don't need all of this on top of everything else you are dealing with.
Good luck. I do hope that things get better. I know that if you put these rules into effect and stick to them, the kids will probably be mad for awhile, but they will get used to it and learn that they can do things without so many friends around all the time.
2006-06-28 16:08:36 · answer #4 · answered by honey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. You are not wrong for wanting time for yourself. WHOA! I can't even imagine. It sounds like "everybody loves Raymond". Take a "mom" vacation. Schedule it and take it. RIGHT AWAY!!!!
2006-06-28 15:53:24 · answer #5 · answered by amylr620 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, you are going crazy and no, you are not wrong for wanting time to yourself
2006-06-28 15:52:04 · answer #6 · answered by twentythree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no really no boty crazy they make there self crazy
2006-06-28 16:44:59 · answer #7 · answered by jj is a cooll girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋