I'm not satisfied w/ my hubby ,not attracted any more,do I need counseling?

Question

I was tramatized b 4 I met him from finding out my kids were being molested by a trusted friend.I felt sick and all trust of people was broke.I met him he was great, even after paying for a background check twice.He helped me through a few things I was feeling about the whole situation.We had alot in common,he took me out to nice places,he sang to me,called me all the time,left text messages,wrote me a poem,took me dancing,the whole time he was amazing.we got married,then I started noticeing hes not what I thought he was.ok....not perfect.I know its stupid but I really believed he was perfect.He doesn't call or talk to me like he use to.We had a baby a little over a year after we got married.{married 2 years}I haven't been satisfied in bed in...humm,a long time.He works all the time,loves our baby,.But he doesn't even try to make me feel comfotable in bed or cares if I'm in the mood or satisfied.I find myself "doing it" so he doesn't get it somewhere else.He says its how I see sex now.

He was really surprised w/me beeing preg. I don't resent him that way.I resent him a little for misrepresenting himself while we were dating.He made me think he was perfect for me,got me,then decided he doesn't have to try anymore.ok..this is how he inntiates sex.."get naked and gimme some" does that turn any woman on?He sure didn't say that while we were dating.I also hold some hard feelings toward him not being happy about me being preg. he started talking to a woman when I was preg. He said they just talked but admitted it was going to lead to more.I've been faithful but find myself kinda wishing for something more.

I live 45 min away from any councelors in my rural area.I work from home.I don't see alot of people either.

Answer 1

My guess is your hubby has no idea you are this unhappy. I don't think your hubby misrepresented himself, I think he was trying his best for you to be with him. Now that you are, he stopped trying. Time for a serious conversation. Honey, I am unhappy, I want to work through this but I need some things to change. Let him know the things he used to do were important to you. Let him know one of the reasons you were so certain he was right for you was that he did the little loving gestures, and you miss them. Tell him you need to hugs and kisses during the day, and more of a lead up to sex than "take your clothes off". Seriously, you can prepare yourself too, read a sexy book before bed time, think about what excites you, buy some toys for you and hubby to use, watch a dirty movie together. My guess is since you are so unhappy you haven't taken the time to make hubby feel special either. I think if you pay him more attention, he may do more of the same.
Now to be harsh, you are not with a fantasy man, no one is perfect, stop expecting him to be. I am sure he doesn't think you are perfect either. You sound very young, try to be more mature. I think you are saying you were rebounding when you met your hubby, that is your fault not his.
Honestly though, if you work together and communicate, I think you can make your marriage work. Stop thinking about what you want but don't have, start thinking of what you have and how to make it better. Try to be happy and work with what you have.
We all have moments of doubt, that is normal. But if you love and respect your hubby and he does the same, you can build something wonderful. Don't look for the easy way out, try to figure out how to fix your problems (a lot of what you said sounds like your issues not his). His telling you he didn't cheat but came close, is him letting you know he is not happy either, what can you do to make him feel special and wanted? In a marriage it is not all about you, it is about "us".
Hope I helped, good luck!

Answer 2

It sounds like you didn't take care of your issues before marrying this guy. Having a child molested I can't imagine what you are going through. However, speaking in the now..regarding your marriage unless he gives you a reason not to trust him then you really don't have any grounds to stand on. I really suggest you deal with the issues you haven't dealt with. Get yourself and your children into counseling ASAP!
As for your husband making you believe he was perfect? You are a grown woman and you should have sense enough to know that no one or marriage is perfect. Please come down from the clouds and back down to reality.
The first 6 months everyone is on their best behavior. Your husband could be saying the same about you. The question is, how long did you date before you married your husband? I understand you have been through a lot but you have to take responsibility here. Yes you probably didn't want to have another child. Again, you have to take responsibility, you can't get pregnant by yourself. And there's always the option of using birth control or keeping up with the days when you ovulate.
So what if you have to drive 45 minutes out to see a counselor..You need it! Stop making excuses and feeling sorry for yourself. Talk to your husband, get out the house and hang out with friends, or get some friends. Or just treat yourself to a dinner and a movie..If your husband isn't planning events for you guys to do together, make arrangements for someone to watch the kids and you plan a romantic evening for the two of you. PLEASE GET SOME HELP!

Answer 3

No one said that marriage would be easy. And with a new baby it makes it a little harder to do things. Maybe you both need to go to counseling or even take some time out for each other...do date nights or get away for the weekend w/o the kids. If you can't afford to get out of town, go and rent a room for a night or the weekend.

You can always spice up your marriage w/ role playing. But you have to remember that although you see the changes in him, he may see changes in you as well so sit and talk to him and tell him how you feel.

Remember all of the fun times together and try to re-capature some of those good times and make more memories. It can't be onesided so work together and pray that your family becomes a stronger and tighter unit.

I deeply hope that you work through this trying time. Good luck!

Answer 4

SORRY,you 2 have LOST that loving feeling, good song huh, the flame has gone out, no romance it takes 2 to keep the candles burning, dint make it look like it is all his fault,if you both have got into a routine of everyday life that is what is wrong with both of you not just one it takes 2. HERE is my advice to both of you, you both love each other want to be with each other if correct please read on, create a since of humor first, get adventures you your imagination, i know you have children dint let that stop what was at the beginning, don't get comfortable be spontaneous, you know what he likes and he knows what you like i hope, don't take life so serious, create the mood to be in the mood if you know what i mean"if you 2 don't communicate you desires how can either one of you know what to do? guessing is not the answer,the man is telling you something when he says that is the way he sees sex that is not communication with each other, action on your part will give both of you comfort satisfaction if only you step out of the comfort zone, when was the last time you 2 went somewhere romantic without the children? see the whole picture now. DO NT GIVE UP until all options have been done,

Answer 5

For one thing no one is perfect, they may come very close to being perfect, but we all know the truth that we have to face, Living in a dream world and trying to make it become reality just does not work! Everyone ends up getting hurt in the long run! When the two of you were dating, things were different! He called you all of the time because he knew that he would not be coming home to you and seeing your lovely face! But now that the two of you are married he knows that he is! If you are not satisfied or comfortable in bed with him then you should let him know! Just because he is finished at that moment and seem to be satisfied, that doesn't mean that you have to quit and be dissatisfied! Keep on going, and you might just arouse him all over again!!! LOL!!!
Good Luck!!!!

Answer 6

I think it is postmortome syndrome it happens right after childbirth. You resent hiim for getting you pregnant and then working all the time and not helping out around the house as much therefore you are not attracted to him mentally and in women mental un-satisfaction wiill always result in sexual lose of appetite for one another. If you want to make it better TELL him how you feel thatit isn't the way you feel about sex now it's the way you feel in general "your not happy". When that is done maybe you two can sneak around and have affairs with each other meet him casually in a bar in different vehicles and make him seduce you make a little sexual game I can assure you it will get the juices flowing

Answer 7

I would say if you love this guy you may
be able to work out things. You have to
see what he is really feeling too get to
the root of why he treats you the way
he does and then you can see if your
marrige can be saved or if you should
be strong and move on whith your children.
Sure it is hard to be a single mom but
you do not want your children to grow
up seeing two people that hate being together.
Because that child will grow up and do the
same.

Answer 8

I think this situation is somewhat normal. A good marriage isn't something that just happens, it needs to be worked on. Is he communicative? If so, look for a book on relationships and read it together. If not, tell him you need him to go to counseling with you. When you look for a counselor, try to find a male. I know that my man was WAY more receptive to the things our male counselor told him than when the female counselor told him the same things. Hang in there!

Answer 9

uhmm honey i think you are like you said traumatize.. let me tell you something you better get some help before you loose a good guy.. its sounds like he is not with the problem is you girl.... you have been trough so much that now no ones is good enough for you or your kids... he works and loves his baby...look don't keep changing your kids atsmosphere is going to mess them up.. if the man respect you dont cheat on you treats your kids with respect and takes care of the family you better think about it twice before you do something stuped... if you are not happy about some little detail talk to him about it and go to counseling.
because at the end is your kids that suffer the consequences and dont you think they have been trough enough?? what you do is look at your kids are they happy?? if they are you better check your self..and quit tripping there is nobody perfect out there but is sure as hell there is more horrible people than you can imagine.And you dont want to put your kids through this again do ya?? think about it and the word of the day is counseling.....good luck honey.

Answer 10

Don't make yourself so miserable,do what you think is good for you!Maybe he is just very confident that you are madly inlove with him before and no more insecurities come out in his mind! Talk to him straight what you need and what you want,but if he still the same and relationship does not work out,get rid of him!But try to figure out,you might have some irresponsibilities or deeds that he dont want,and try to tackle about it! Communivcation is the best key to understanding!