my girl friend (21) wants her mom more than my opinion in our kid she just found out she's pregnant last nite

Question

ok so we were together for 13 months and i left b/c she was throwing stuff and hitting stuff she does not respect any thing i say or ask of her it has been 2 weeks that i left she has been begging me to go back to her and she just found out she is pregnant i know its mine i want her to make a doctors apointment and she does not want to do it till after she talks to her mom but she dont want to go talk to her mother either i want this to be us and not me her and the rest of her family how could i get her to listen to me i want to show our parents that we are responsible enough to do this i think i am she wanted a kid so she stoped her pills without me knowing adn now she is scared

i am 21 also she is six months older than me i have been on my own since i was 17 she has only moved out 1 month

ok more details her mom and dad is her adopted parents since she was 5 my mom and dad split when i was 2 i have a bad relationship with my fathe i dont want my child to go through that when i was 14 my father denied me as being his kid adn i was tricked into taking a DNA test to see that he was in fact my father i am not going to let my child live like that when i lefl my g/f its because she was packing her stuff 5 of her friends said i was too good for her her parents also told me that too she is scared to tell her mom and i told her i want to be there when we tell our parents i may add more later

ant to the one who asked if i toutched hwer just to get the points i did i held her for 6 hours while she cried

Answer 1

she's just scared ,stand by her hold her hand ,be the man you say you are.help her tell her mom .if she really truely loves you she'll be there when the crying is done

Answer 2

I am would be concerned that she may not be telling you the truth.

1. If I were pregnant I would want to see a Doctor...her reason for stalling doesn't make sense.

2. She begged you not to break up....and then discovered she was pregnant. I bet she is not pregnant but she is probably trying to get pregnant now....Be careful!

3. Tell her that you will not continue to have contact until her...until you both go to a Doctor.

4. You might want to bring a over-the-counter pregancy test over...and watch the test performed. This may anger her...
stick with number 3...

5. She is scared because she fears being caught in a lie.

This woman sounds like she has some serious problems...do not marry her until you get pre-martial counseling and you know for sure she is pregnant.... if she is pregnant it may not be your baby... Also remember the baby isn't marrying her...you are!

I think this stalling in telling her family is another way to keep you...hooked...

Answer 3

First of all good for you for wanting to be a big part of your child's life.

Please remember that there are few times in a young woman's life when they need their mother than when they are expecting their first child. Yes, as a couple, you will have to set some new boundaries where your families are concerned now that you are becoming a family of your own. But these boundaries will have to be set by your girlfriend with her family it can not come from you, you will come off as controlling and they will blame you for everything to come.

It seems to me that your biggest problem right now is not the extended families but her anger problem if something isn't done about that it will just accelerate when the baby is born when neither of you are getting enough sleep and adjusting to all the changes that will come. There is truth that you can't avoid and that is that a baby never fixes a relationship. Please get some counseling together as a couple as well as individually, whether you decide to stay together you have a lifetime of co-parenting with that child.

Answer 4

Its normal for her to want her mother during this time. Your best bet is to work with her and her mother. Show support because she needs it.. She's terrified and an emotional wreck, shutting her mother out of her life isnt going to help and it will just make her resent you. Remember, her mother gave birth to her so right now she feels a special bond with her and that doesn't make her role any less important than yours is.
It doesn't matter how or why she is pregnant, the fact is that she is pregnant. Proper prenatl care starts early, so you are right, she needs to make this appointment as soon as possible. You could say "You know sometimes you have to wait a few weeks for your first prenatal appointment, maybe you should schedule it now" or "this is our baby and I would feel a lot better knowing that both of you are healthy, please lets make this appointment and call your mom, she can help guide us" and this will help her to understand that you want to do the right thing. I know you want to be independant, but in reality she needs her mom right now and you should try to understand that.
She is also probably a bit scared to tell her mom. Maybe you should suggest something special you could do to tell her mom... a special grandma card or a baby outfit or something else special and cute. This is lighten the mood and probably help to reduce her fears about telling her mom. You should tell her in person, together too. Remember, even if her mom reacts upset at first it wont be long before she is as excited as any grandma and trying to name the baby for you!
CONGRATS!

Answer 5

She is probably scared. But you need to sit down and talk with her and tell her how you want it to be and then you need to both talk to both her parents and yours. If you two are going to raise a child together the two of you need to be on the same page, and it your opinion has to matter more than that of her parents. Don't take offense to this as I don't know you, but that is of course assuming that you have proven that you are a man who will be there for her and the baby throught thick and thin from now till the end of time. If you aren't going to be that guy then she needs to have support from her family.

Answer 6

OK. This is the most stressful scenario a young woman can find herself in.

Of course she wants to talk with her mother, even though she knows her mother is going to be disappointed in her.

And the fact that you are both so young and come from such disfunctional backgrounds says that you need couples counselling now and probably for the next several years to learn how to be together and communicate with love and respect.

If you don't have health insurance, please call your local Roman Catholic Church or Jewish Synagogue to ask about couples communication classes. Do it for the baby.

Answer 7

I think u 2 should sit down & try 2 work things out. U don't want u kid 2 b going from house 2 house do u? Work it out, tell her the things u don't like. Tell her the thing u want 2 change between u 2 and decide whether thing r going 2 change or not.

Answer 8

well most females that are like that u wont get her to change all i can say is move on cause i doubt she will ever change and u deserve better than that especaly if she dose all of what u say she does. and when the baby id born try to get custody of the baby cause if she does all this to you whos to say she wont do it to the baby there are alot of women that will do it to a child just as well as an adult but u could always try sitting her down and talking to her but it probably wont do much good. but y can try or try going to her mom and seeing if she can help u with you getting to be the one to help make decisions and not just her and her mom ya know but nothing may help cause her mom may put her up to it she sounds like a mommas girl and id get away if i were u cause u will probably never be able to make a decison if ur relatshionship.

Answer 9

You guys need to get married.......

that way your parents know you took the right steps.....and doing that they know your responsible.....

Sounds like the situation has changed now........You are having a baby.,......You both need to GROW UP.....who cares what the parents think......you just NOW brought a child in this world......
Its all up to you now......get a job....a house....pay your bills ...take care of your child........If you girlfriend wants you around...tell her she needs to grow up raise her child and move on with her life...her parents are not going to be there forever......She wanted a baby and now she has one......take care of it! Plus...You have a responsibility....You get her to the DR...you don't want something bad happening to your child do you just because your scared to talk to her mother!

Answer 10

How old are you? I think it's better if the mom handles this... sound like she's going to be the one raising the kid. You both sound immature and it's terrible that your girlfriend choose to bring a child into her unstable life.

Answer 11

You should calm down take it slow go to church and talk to the lord he'll know what to do just be careful her mom knows a lot about pregnancy and birth and stuff and think about it how much do you know? just let her do what she wants after all she is the mother.