My bf of two years is still really close friends with his ex-fiance. They dated several years and got engaged but changed their minds and broke it off. However, they did the f*ck buddy thing off and on for a long time afterward (up until he and I started dating). She is married now and he and I live together. If you were me, would you feel comfortable letting him go out and do things with her on occassion? Like go shopping, out to dinner, out for a drink? What do you think?
2006-06-28 08:25:22 · 21 answers · asked by Beth 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
We do things together as couples on occassion. But to be truthful, I don't like her very much nor do I trust her. I've heard about how rocky their relationship was and it's just bizarre to me that they're still close.
2006-06-28 08:41:55 · update #1
My best advice and somewhat from my own and friend's experiences...it's not a good thing.
I am still very close to one of my ex boyfriends but we keep it to phone conversations here and there and I believe it's possible to still be friends with someone even though you realize you don't make a good couple.
The part that concerns me about your situation though is the fact that he is spending quality time with his ex. I don't think that's ok and if he wants to spend time with her it should be done in a group setting (if they still have the same friends) or you and her husband should be there too and make it a double date thing, that should be the only time he spends with her.
Or if they work together, then that would be the only other exception.
I would express to him that it makes you uncomfortable and you don't think it's ok for him to continue a relationship where he invests time with her...if he enjoys her company that much than why isn't he back with her?
I would ask him to make that change and if he loves you and wants to be with you than he will understand.
2006-06-28 08:34:01 · answer #1 · answered by hidgoeshollywood 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been in the same situation as you. No I would not feel comfortable letting them hang out. Sometimes being with someone you have been close to like that can cause you to start to have those old feelings and to engage in a physical thing.
2006-06-28 08:35:12 · answer #2 · answered by LyndeKC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not like him going out with her at all!! If he has feelings for you, then why would he still be seeing her? Let him know how you feel and if he can't handle it, reconsider your relationship with him. His focus should be on you, not his ex. If you can handle the couples-out nights, then do that, but keep an eye on what is going on around you. Stay focused on you and your bf though. If it gets to the point that you are always questioning him and his whereabouts, you may need to split.
2006-06-28 08:59:05 · answer #3 · answered by curious mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don;t think I'd have a problem if they met for lunch or coffee every once in a while, but the other stuff like shopping, dinner, etc. are fun "couples" things he should be doing with you now.
If he's seeing her too often, I'd talk to him about it because basically if you can't talk about things like this you probably shouldn't be together anyway.
Try to keep your calm and don't come across as jealous, insecure or clingy.
Good luck.
2006-06-28 08:36:34 · answer #4 · answered by aaxof 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally would not feel comfortable, instead invite the couple over for dinner or out for dinner...if her husband knows they are still hanging out and their past then maybe it's okay, if not there are red flags popping up all over that situation.
2006-06-28 08:30:25 · answer #5 · answered by WoWChick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to trust him like you said shes married and hes living with you , if he has ever cheated with her on you then no dont let him but if he hasnt gave you any reason what so ever to doubt him then stop worrying and start trusting him. its going to be hard because you will always have a thoughts in the back of your mind about them two but you have to learn to get over it or keep it at the back of you mind. he loves you , hes with you.
2006-06-28 08:30:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if her husband is cool with it then it should be OK but for the heck of it go out with a guy friend and don't invite him he will understand how left out and concerned about him that you are its not all about trust its is about your own insecurities too. Show him how it feels.
2006-06-28 08:30:40 · answer #7 · answered by klynnd1981 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's common to feel uncomfortable, he really shouldnt be doing anything alone with her, he has you now and she has a husband, they have a history together and its one that basically involves sex on occasion, neither one of them sounds like they respect their partners in their now relationships if they have to do things by themselves, next time just ask him if there can be activities that all four of you can share afterall it is best to do things as a couple....
2006-06-28 08:32:04 · answer #8 · answered by MidnightSkies 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would make sure that we did couple things with her and her husband, but I would never let my man go anywhere alone with her... especially since they did the f buddy thing...
2006-06-28 08:28:39 · answer #9 · answered by ksgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not want him going all alone. I would tell him that both couples could hang out and a one on one thing wont work between them.
2006-06-28 08:27:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋