advice about my husband...?

Question

Ok, I love my husband dearly, we have been together since highschool and have a beautiful daughter. But he has gained a lot of weight. I'm not shallow, I still find him sexy, but I'm worried about his health. He found his dad dead in bed of a heart attack when he was 14. I would think that he would realize how horrible it would be for our daughter to lose him. I am really worried about him, and have expressed my concern in a loving way. He is 6' and 275lbs. He has a really big build, but a lot of it is fat now. Its so bad that he has a ton of stretch marks. He says that he just doesnt care what people think. But I wish he would care about himself and us enough to take care of himself. And it really hurts me sometimes, I feel like he is being selfish, and that is a big turn off for me. I'm in love with him, but I sometimes have a hard time mentally being turned on because of this problem. Does anyone have any advice on what to do or say to get him to shape up?

Answer 1

I know this is not what you want to hear but there is nothing you can do or say to him. He may attempt but until he decides for himself that he wants to lose weight, he will not. I am overweight. I know my man would be happier if I were thinner. I know I would be healthier if I were thinner. I know the risks. BUT until I decided to do something because I want to do it - nothing happened. I am now for the first time in years doing something. I just hope it is not too late for my health. Be open with your fears but do not nag him. Be loving and just pray for the best. Good luck.

Answer 2

Well let's take a serious look at your too choices:Tell him that you will leave him if he doesn't lose at least 100 pounds, and see what happens. If he parties too much upon hearing this welcoming news and gains further weight, he didn't love you in the first place. If he complies and loses the weight, every other woman on the street will find him that much more desirable and you may lose him as a result.

Considering your two choices, it's probably best to say nothing. Just keep your 911 number handy.

Answer 3

I myself had a problem like your husband. I got out of the Marine Corps and went to college. . well its been two years of a 'fast food diet' and i have gained easily 25 pounds of lookin bad weight. Just recently I have been in the gym working out hard trying to get my body back in shape. And the biggest reason for my change was that I have a daughter on the way. There is something about children that can help push a man/woman back into the gym.

But the above poster has it right. . he has to want to do it himself. Thats key. Inorder for that to happen though he needs some motivation. That can come in many forms for many different people. Good luck and I hope he gets back into a healthy lifestyle.

Answer 4

You cannot make someone do something, even if your intentions are good. Do you do most of the cooking/shopping? Then without letting him know why don't you start cooking lighter. If this won't work try telling him that his daughter is going to need him around for a long time to guide love and protect her, as well as yourself. My husband died at 39 of a heart attack and my sons were 3 and 5 at the time. They had to grow up without him and I always wonder what might have been different for all of us if he had been here longer. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Women have to switch off to turn on and if you have something bothering you about him then it will go to the bedroom with you.
Be straight with him, sometimes it takes the bare truth to see how much it bothers you. When we beat about the bush the message is often missed or misunderstood. Just say it how it is. You aren't being unloving if concerned, being concerned is expressing love. Keeping quiet must mean you are scared of being honest with him, maybe because of scared of hurting his feelings but then how long will you take to do it in bid of helping him to help himself.
He may not care what others think, but if he doesn't care what YOU think then he hasn't got a lot of care. What you, and what your daughter thinks of him should mean a hell of a lot to him.
His health means a lot to you, and him remaining desirable to you should be important to him.
If you allow him to think it is ok then he will continue with this same attitude. If it didn't bother you then ok, but if he really loves you he would care enough to even try for your marriage, for your daughter and for himself. He has got to want to do for himself but you are one=couple;), that sneaks in somewhere too
Talk to him and be honest too
Good luck and God Bless You all!

Answer 6

If you prepare some of the meals in the house, I would make them healthy and low-fat. That way you are participating as well. Keep the emphasis on health, not weight. Also, join him in participating in some exercise, whether walking, jogging, swimming, tennis or any sort of activity you can do together taht will burn calories and build muscle. He should go to his doctor for a checkup for cholestorol, heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes. Just join him and encourage him to take care of himself.

Answer 7

Who's doing the cooking?

Is he eating a lot of fast food?

Does he smoke?

The fat surely comes from sugar.

Cut out the sugar, and the fat will go away.

He sounds like my friend. My friend Drinks at least 3 24 oz hawaiian punches a day, eats out at a fast food joint once a day, orders the most fattetning foods from the chinese restaurant and pretty much doesn't eat any vegetables, cause he hates vegetables.

Everyone tells him, but he doesn't listen. He's proud of his big belly and big body, and his stretch marks.

It's so bad, he has back aches and medical problems.

Often he jokes about getting hypnotised to change his habits.
But I said why so extreme?
How about regular therapy instead of hypnotherapy.
I think therapy, helps. Free your mind and the rest will follow.
I would suggest to your husband to see a shrink.
or go together.
Or you could just sit him down and explain it to him, because as much as you defend his attractiveness, it sounds like it is affecting you.

It is selfish of him not to keep up appearances, why didn't you let yourself go?

Cause your better than that.

Answer 8

start cooking more healthy food, cut out fried foods add more green, try cutting out starches, and when you cook don't add as much sugar in your food. Try drinking tea (unsweet) instead of Cola. Lead by example. Don't pester him or he won't lose the weight. Start going on little walks at night and ask him if he would like to join you. or maybe your could go out side and play ball with your little girl. Don't buy as much junk food start off slowly and get them use to eating healthy food. Good luck

Answer 9

Wow - I know where he's at, and he's got to love himself enough to make better choices everyday. It's not easy, but he's got to get the food and exercise ratio to an acceptable level.
Help him make better choices every day, and tell him how attracted you are lately to thin guys - that might help - lol

Answer 10

You need to make a way to excercise as a family, like walking or biking, and I assume you probably do the grocery shopping? If he's like my husband, if it's in the house, he'll eat it, so just buy healthier things!! Good luck.