Is it possible to ever get over someone cheating on you? We are still together but I can't forget it.?

Question

My Husband cheated on me for about 3 years. We have stayed together 4 the sake of the children and are good friends. I have no idea who this other woman is all I know is her mobile number. I think about her every day and don't think I will ever get it out of my mind. Anyone in the same situation and has anyone had this happen to them and got over it?

Answer 1

I can only say that you’re not ‘letting’ yourself get over it. There may be a reason for that – perhaps it’s not knowing anything about her, so you are uncertain as to why your hubby strayed. You might also be blaming yourself, or perhaps searching for reasons.
The only way to forget these things is to make a conscious decision that it is not important. If you are still together and happy, then it really doesn’t matter. The fact of the matter is, he chose you. Possibly you, and the children, but he made his choice and it sounds like he made the right decision and is happy about it.
The way to start forgetting is to stop yourself thinking about her. Every time your mind starts straying - stop! Make a conscious effort to think about something else. It will take a week or so, but you’ll find it happening less and less. Forgive yourself and him.
It sounds like you could be very happy together if you could just let this go. Do you remember every hurtful thing that someone has done to you? If not, why not? Examine how you managed to let those things go and try the same technique on this.
My personal favourite was to imagine the said person as a little Barbie doll that I flushed down the toilet every time I thought of her. Hehehehe – gave me great satisfaction and the flushing ended about 5 years ago now.
How about imagining yourself dialling the mobile number and getting the message ‘this number has been disconnected’ – it would be true, wouldn’t it?

Answer 2

Yes it is possible to get over someone cheating on you and this is how I did. First try to stop focusing on her because the more you know about her the more you will obsess about her. If you haven't forgiven your husband yet you need to and if you feel you can't you need to ask God for the desire to forgive your husband and then the strength to actually do it. Then ask God also for desire to let go of what has happened and to heal your heart, your thoughts, and your marriage. Then start living your life as though you believe you can let go. That means getting rid of that mobile number, not dwelling on quetions and images in your mind of the woman, and start spending your time doing positive things...things you may have always wanted to do but never had the time....out of sight out of mind. You let that woman worry about you because once you have truly let go you will be a force to be reckoned with and if your husband is sincere your marriage will grow and she will never be a threat. If however the two of you decide to divorce your experience will only have made you a stronger woman...and believe me strong women are needed.

Answer 3

Your best bet is to seek counseling. If you can't let it go, then the marriage is as good as over.
I am very much against staying together "for the sake of the children". What good is it going to do them, to grow up in a home where their parents don't love each other or trust each other? It is better for them to see you leave him because he did something unforgettable and heinous, than to see you stick around and be miserable.
My parents seperated when I was 9. My father was a jerk. I am so glad they did. They fought all the time and were miserable. My mother remarried when I was 14, a truly wonderful man. I am so glad I had the chance to expirience what a loving and happy family is like. If my mother had stuck around, my perception of relationships would have been skewed.

Answer 4

Hi,
It is a question to which only you know the answer.At the moment I am in the same situation myself and it is very hard to reconcile myself with it.My father cheated on my mother for 20 years and I have known about it for 15 and so did everyone else,including herself.She dealt with it by burying her head in the sand and pretending that it didn't affect her,but her behaviour was changed.All I ever asked of my husband was that if he ever finds himself in a situation where he would rather be with someone else than me to tell me, so I don't go through all the pain my mother and me as a child went through with my father.Did he?No he didn't.He started talking to someone over the phone and that lasted 2 and a half years,think still is,not sure,don't care anymore.Talking was all he did,she lives abroad,but the trust that I had in him has gone.He lied every time I asked him to tell me what was going on, he did way too many things to write about here.He kept saying that it didn't mean anything ,that she was just a good friend, If it didn't mean anything why didn't he stop when he knew how much he was hurting me? And there were other 'friends' too.He was bad at hiding evidence.At the moment it is ok because he has been working abroad for the last year, so I see him every 6-8 weeks,kids miss him though.He never said sorry, or appologised for any hurt he caused me and the kids.Most hillarious thing to happen was a colegue has offered me to have an affair with him knowing full well that I am married and so is he.Take revenge?NO,big NO.It won't make things better for me,just worse.
If your husband is willing to talk with you and answer ALL your questions honestly about what made him do it,what went on and how does he feel about that other woman now, does he wishes for differnt life- you have chance.If he feels remorse over all the hurt that he caused you and is willing to show you that you matter more to him than anything else in the world(except of the kids, of course)-you will be able to forgive him in time.It will take time and it is very difficult,but you both have to persevere and he has to make you feel secure,safe,loved,cherished the best thing in the world since sliced bread.Forgeting it ever happend?-maybe- when you have grown closer and stronger through all that you have been through, you might even be gratefull to that episode in your life because you are now unbrekable and you may even(hard to imagine at the moment for you) laugh about it,. (I hope it will happen for you) I can only say all this because that is what I would want from my husband myself, to make me want to spend the rest of my life with him.Good luck,I hope it works for both of you and for your kids.

Answer 5

I was married to my ex for 24yrs and then found out that he had been in an affair for the last 7 of those.I chose to let him stay for another 4yrs because of the children,but I should have told him to go.I became very depressed thinking about her and him together,(although he was`nt seeing her anymore)it made me angry and very resentful and I grew to dispise him.He did nothing to try to get our marriage back on track and just expected me to forget about it.My answer to you is:look into your head and think seriously about what is good for YOU and any children you have.Your heart always says something different.I have now remarried a man who I know would never cheat on me,as he was also on the recieving end of an unfaithful wife and Im the happiest Iv`e ever been.Please don`t waste time,he may do it again.

Answer 6

I think even if you want to forgive and forget, the heart won't ever allow it. It's been hurt, especially something like a broken vow. Kids would complicate things but I know if my husband cheated on me and I had kids, I would pack up and go to my mom's or live on my own or to my sister's. He is my best friend and has been for many years, but infedility would change my outlook on him completely. He would never be the same in my eyes. You might want to be the bigger person but there are some lines that should never be crossed.

Answer 7

I have been dealing with this same thing for almost 5 months now. I have not forgotten even for one day. I have tried, but I question his every move, I wonder why he is saying something nice, why is he being so agreeable. Nothing he says or does right now can make me really happy. We do not have children at home. I am currently staying away from home and will be considering a permanent move soon. Once trust is broken I don't really think you can ever regain it 100%
Good luck

Answer 8

You never get over it. My husband cheated on me 10 years ago and even though we are still together for the sake of the kids, i have not forgotten it. He betrayed me and stayed with this woman for 4 years. He also had other women. Even though he hasn't cheated on me for 6 years now, I still have this brick wall around me and cannot be intimate with him anymore. Two more years and I am done.

Answer 9

I think sometimes you can get over it but if you are only staying together for the sake of the children, that is bad. The children will suffer more if they see their parents are not in love. They will know even if you try to keep it from them.

Answer 10

It depends on his attitude after and your love for each other. Was it a one time thing that he regrets and told you about? If so you have to ask yourself, can I trust him in the future, has he always been truthful up to now. If so maybe you can, but no one can really answer this for you.
Did he try to hide it from you and denied that it happened? If so you should not because he shows no remorse and as a kid just views this as a matter of getting caught and he'll just be more carefull the next time.