What do you do with a 17 year old girl who got her GED 1 year early and now wants to do whatever she pleases?

Question

My daughter is 17 years old. She earned her GED this summer. She has no job and hasn't attempted to look for a job in the last few months. Yet now she has decided she is grown and should be able to do whatever she wants. Example includes - spending the night with her boyfriend at his mother's home. When I say "No" then she is "moving out". I don't want her to move out yet but I can't go on like this. Any advice?

Answer 1

Well, you've got to make a decision and stick by it. Ever heard of "tough love". This sounds like my daughter at 17. From experience, let her go. If that's what she really wants. What you are allowing her to do is called legal blackmail and you are not teaching her any values at all by allowing her to get away with this. She's smart. She knows how to work you and push all the right buttons. You better for her own good stop using your heart to make your decisions and use your brain and do what's right for her.......... Give her a deadline to get a job. If she is so bent on moving out, LET HER GO! You want her to be a viable adult, then she needs to learn. SInce she thinks she's grown, let her be grown. She needs to get a job and pay you rent. Or, get a job and get her own place and move out. This will teach her some responsibility which is what she is lacking at the moment. You have contributed to this. You need to help her and yourself. As long as you continue to go the way you are going, nothing is going to change. One more thing, how did you put yourself in the position of her not having any respect for you? Do you have a husband. Where is her father or does he not help. I had no one and I made the same mistakes you are making. It was a disaster.
There is way more going on here than meets the eye with you. Continue to make yourself the door mat and life will do nothing except get worse as you will have taught her nothing; or stop it and make the change no matter how much it hurts to do it.
You will help yourself and most especially your daughter.

Answer 2

If I were you, I would find legal help. If all the detail here are true and unaltered, then you need to find a way to legally help her get out of her situation. But at the end of the day, if she's 17 and a half, then she'd only have to put up with it for 6 more months until she can do whatever she wants. I don't understand what the problem is here. Her half brother is not her legal guardian; her dad is. Meaning the dad should be able to send her away. And the reason why I say it might be better to just wait it out, is because legal action can take a LONG time to process - and by the time everything works out she might well be 18 by then. Just saying.

Answer 3

If you want to scare her back all her things and tell her she has to move out or get a job! Thats what my Mom did to me when I was 18 and now I am 21 and I know there is no better place to be then in your own home! Just let her move and ggive her an ultimatium either she gets a job or she moves out! Cuz some people might take her in for a few days but after a while afun she'll turn into a burden and they'll tell her she has to go. But put her to the test pack all her things and tell her her stuff is ready and she has to leave by tonight and if not you will call the cops and if she wants to stay in your house with your rules she has to work and she has to give you $60 dollars a week for rent and food she eats, also for the laundry of her clothes, soap. toilette paper and paper towel!

Also remind her YEAH her boyfriend says he LOVES her but but they all say that and it only last for a while..When he sees something fresh that catches his eye she will be long gone!

Remember don't yell at her because if she leaves it will be in bad terms and if she really needs you she won't call because she will assume that you will just yell and criticize her all the time and she will not ask for your help.

Answer 4

Nothing much u can do. She is at that age & she is going 2 get older & she will become more headstrong. I guess the thing 2 do now is 2 become another type of parent. Not the type that is going 2 say "Do This or else " or "Dont do this". But the type that is going 2 be there & be a friend so that she can come 2 you when things are wrong. You have been there & done that. Let her know the importance of condoms, the dangers of having a baby too early. Help her see the signs if her boyfriend is cheating (if he begin 2 cheat). Be more friendly towards her even though it may kill u 2 be so. Especially when she goes out & sleep out.

Answer 5

Yeah, LEAVE HER ALONE! Of course you're her mother, and nine times out of ten you probably know what's best for her, but if she wants to be a stubborn little brat who thinks just because she's smart that she can automatically become a grown woman overnight, then let her! You see, what your daughter fails to realize is that a GED means nothing if you don't use it. So what you're smart? And? What are you planning on doing with your intelligence? Oh, what's that? Nothing? Well, You don't sound very intelligent to me. You need to let her make mistakes. Just like that old saying says, " How can you teach a baby how to walk if you never let them fall while trying?" If you let her make her own decisions, which are the wrong decisions, then she will eventually see that she was wrong and will come back to you for help. Afterall, helping her is what you wanted to do in the first place, isn't it?

Answer 6

I hate to say this but you have to let go. She did the right thing by getting her GED you have to trust that she has a good head on her shoulders and will make the right decisions as she goes along. If she won't get a job, moving out will definitely force her to. You have to just let her live her life. She's at that age now. Be supportive, loving, listen to her, and give your advice WHEN SHE ASKS FOR IT! Give her some space to grow. It's her life to live and her decisions to make she's old enough now. I'm sorry that your baby has grown up so fast, but she has. And you're only gonna drive a wedge between the two of ya'll if you don't be more supportive. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Since she is only 17, you are still responsible for her no matter what, when will she be 18??? Your house, your rules, period, tough love Mom it's called. Get a job or go to college do something constructive with her time. You need to lay down the rules, if she doesn't like it, go ahead and move out tell her, she will find out soon enough just what a good thing she had, it is HARD AS HELL, but you can't continue to let her RULE you and the rest of your family. You may have to get a court order stating that she is responsible for herself and not you because she is 17. Good Luck.

Answer 8

Get her into university. A GED is not the be all and end all, in fact its just the beginning. If at 17 she does not know that then she has a long way to go in terms of maturity.

If she is resistant to University/college. Have her get a job until she figures out what it is she wants to do. Sooner or later she will realize that the bigger the degree the better the possibility of making better money.

Answer 9

Unfortunately you are in a very bad predicament. The best that you can do is have a heart to heart with your daughter. Try to put yourself in her shoes and let her know that you love her. Let her know that you are not trying to control her life and mean it. But also let her know the dangers of the choices she is making and include some of your own real life experiences which you have learned this from. Have a talk with her boyfriends mother about all these things also. It isn't right that she is allowing this either. Offer her some positive alternatives to the choices she is making now. Find out what her goals are and help her to achieve them.

Answer 10

If she's decided that she's grown up and can do whatever she wants then she should have her own job and support herself. I had a very difficult time with my daughter as well. She is now 22 and is getting her life together. She'll be 18 soon enough and by the time you fight it out she won't have to listen to you. Charge her rent, tell her you're willing to let her live her life like an adult. Let her know that you love her (as much pain as she is causing now). They do all grow up and learn, sometimes quicker than others. Hopefully she's not doing any harm to herself or others but they do have to learn on their own.

Good luck to you.