Can a woman really make a man not have anything to do with his children?

Question

My husband and I are going on our 4 month mark of a seperation/divorce. He never did all those things I enjoyed doing. Like playing ball in our yard with the boys and I, taking afternoon walks, going places on the weekend. Every weekend he would get up and go off and do his own thing. Now that we are seperated and he gets the children every other weekend. He is doing those things with them and his new girlfriend. Of course I can't help but to feel a tad bit jealous, and wonder was it really me?

What I mean't by my title is he said to me the reason he didn't do things with the boys was because of me.

Thank you all, I do feel that the seperation is the best and if anything good came out of it, it is that he is spending time with them now.

Answer 1

It probably wasn't because of you. Maybe your separation was a good thing! He is just probably happy with his new girlfriend and trying to make you mad and jealous by saying that! Don't sweat it! As long as your happy take a new look at the separation! That will help you alot!

Answer 2

Sounds like an excuse, a 'it's your fault I didn't do my job and took it out on the kids.'

Now, it's possible because we don't know you, that you may without realizing it, start to berate him about the way he plays with the kids, the kind of parent he is, or some other failing when he's around you, which would naturally disincline him to your presence.

However, I think that is less than a possibility, because HE had the option of taking his kids on his own, and playing ball, but you clearly point at that every day he would get up and go off HIMSELF and 'do his own thing.'

No, I believe the problem goes back to him, and not you. He probably is trying to ease his guilt and make up from being a neglecting parent, and trying to blend his idea of his perfect family together... and of course, he can't blame himself for his actions previously, can he? O.o

In either case - as jealous or hurtful as all of this is, take yourself and him out of it, and really be considerate of your children. How do THEY feel? They must surely be confused about his actions. Do they know what's going on? What do they want and what do they need?

I'm sorry I can't offer you more help - I just thought that you should know, in my opinion, it is not really you. Every person has a choice, and if you really, however you did it, effected him that much, he could have STILL been a good parent with his children. Everyone has a choice that they make to do the right thing, or let someone get to them. It's still not an excuse for causing who knows what level of hurt and disappointment and problems for his children. I think he is very selfish now, in fact, he's probably doing it to get the children to like her better... again, distructive to his children and putting his own ego first, instead of his children's needs.

Answer 3

Well, that does depend on a lot of things. Most importantly, when you and he were around the kids, did you dominate the conversations and/or activities? What could have happened was that the kids might have asked him something, he began to answer, and you jumped in, taking their attention and interest away from him and focusing it on you. Eventually, the kids would stop asking him, or he would begin to feel that it wouldn't make a difference whether he was there or not, because you were the focal point anyway. I'm not laying blame at your feet, just giving an example from personal experience. My wife and I are together and we have a 5 year old. He will come up to ask me things, and before I can finish answering him, my wife jumps in to dominate the conversation, pulling the attention to herself. It could also be that he is just saying this to hurt you. Also, he may just be doing these things with the kids and the girlfriend to impress her. After a while, he'll go back to his normal self, and if that is to ignore the kids, then she'll eventually see that. But only he knows the truth, and maybe he just didn't want to be around you anymore, and when you took the kids out, or he wanted to take the kids out and you went along, he decided not to go.

Answer 4

Your ex is using the children to get to the mother instinct in the other girl. He will not be like this forever, but the sad part is that your children are going to suffer more than anyone. If he is able to convince this other girl that he is a nice family oriented type of guy, he will do the same thing more than likely with her and any children that they may have. He is not a very nice person, and your children will come to see this in the future. In the meantime, get out of the whoa is me direction that you are heading into, and just be the best Mom that you can be for your children. That way they will see you for the real, wonderful and caring person that you are, and they will hold more respect for you than you can imagine.

Answer 5

Yes, she can! I don't enjoy doing things with my wife and kids because she has to dictate how things are done. In other words, I do it wrong, and no parent ever wants to hear that. She has her way and I have mine, but her way is the right way as far as she's concerned. My best time with my boys is when my wife is busy. The three of us go off and do really fun things. When we do the same thing with my wife along, everything is different: stifled, planned, regimented.

The new girlfriend probably just lets him be a dad. Since they're not her kids, she defers to him instead of being overbearing and dismissive of him. Mothers seldom see themselves this way, but dads know different. I do.

Why not ask him why he's so different now? All any of us can do is speculate, but you have nothing to lose now, and some insight to gain. I hope I'm wrong, and that he simply has a new appreciation for his kids since your marriage didn't work out.

Answer 6

Honey he is just frontin'. By that I mean he is pretending. He is trying to show the world what a great father he is now but it won't last. Believe me in a while they'll be all yours once again to play with, take on outings or attend their football matches whatever. Meanwhile take this time he's playing 'Daddy' and do you stuff. Join a gym, do your hair and nails soak in the tub. Don't believe all that muck about it being your fault he never did anything with his children. Did you lock them in a cage and tell he can't play with them. He's just trying to transfer his guilt as a father on to you. Don't accept ANY guilt. Take hs 'DADDY' time for your self upliftment. You understand what it means to be a parent all of the time and not just some of it. And another thing don't talk to the man. What I mean is if you have to have a converstion about your children fine. But don't give him opportunities to tell you things like its your fault he couldn't make time for his children. When the conversation moves in that direction walk away to show him he's not important in your life anymore. He's tryiong to make you feel small. I mean four months and he already has a girlfriend. TELL HIM TO PISS OFF. YOU ARE PRECIOUS.

Answer 7

sometime people will pull away all the responsible when they do something wrong, i think your husband are the one, sorry to said that. i read a book is saying that sometime is good for divorce, you can go fulfill your dream and do the things you wanted to do but is lack of chance to do when you with your hasband, don't have to alive in those vexed and miserable relastionship again, the most importand things is, you can have a better relastionship and find a better man, start from now on you can get back your freedom and be the real you, don't have to wasting time again in a wrong person, youth for women is so treasure. you will missed him is because you truly loved him befor and the difference between you guys is he already have girlfriend but you are not, i believe that time will cure all the wound, if yours both is fated to meet then he will come back to you again and might be the better person.

Answer 8

No what it is, is that when you two were together you did not get along probaly and that made him want to run away. That made him negative. Now that he is with someone he is motivated. I think that it is horrible that he blamed you for the reasoning why when all in all he was just weak and let his emotions prohibit him from being a caring dad. That was not your fault it was his and he should've never told you that. Good luck to you and be the best mom you can be and do not let anyone bring you down.

Answer 9

Good Lord Lady....don't respond to that type of issue...your ex will do anything to lay blame on someone else for his shortfalls and in particular you when it comes to the kids...sounds like he is a button pusher and you respond by being guilty...and it is working...stop taking everything he says personal...you are out of that pit....make sure you stay out......don't be jealous of his new girlfriend....just be a great Mother...don't get into the family Politics situation with your ex...whatever he was doing to create the split with the two of you...he will do again with his new Lady....she is the rebound person in his life at this point and it is a short term relationship at best..... I would feel sorry for him If I were you....under no circumstances feel sorry for yourself....

Answer 10

I don't think it's you. You didn't make his choices. Maybe he meant it was problems in your marriage that caused him to be away so much or maybe he just realizes he should have been doing things with them all along and now needs someone to blame. Whatever his motives are for saying that, it's not your fault. He could have been spending time with his kids no matter what the situation was between the two of you.