Is it okay to breast feed a foster child?

Question

A caseworker jsut showed up at my door with a beautiful 3 week old baby girl. However, she was born preterm and addicted to drugs. She is still underweight and sickly. The doctor has said she is failing to thrive and is already showing signs of attachment disorder due to not being cuddled as a newborn should be. I am nursing my 5 month old right now and was wondering if it were ethical or legal for me to nurse the new infant as well to help her health and bonding? The worker has said this will almost certainly be a long term placement if not possible adoption opportunity.

No, I'm not a pedophile, nor do I have any sexual or misplaced intentions :-) The baby's caseworker stopped by again this afternoon. I kind of dropped a few hints to him (yes, a man) and he said that this little girl needed all the help she could get. He also said I was the only open suitable placement right now, so maybe "someone else" thinks its a good idea. Then he said he wasn't sure about all the legal mumbo jumbo, but he wouldn't tell on me. He also said he'd ask his supervisor just to see. Incidently, I know how hard "losing" a kid is. This baby is my 46th placement. Thanks for all the great answers.

Answer 1

It is fine morally to nurse a foster baby. This baby, in particular seems to need it--yes, it *would* help with health and bonding. (Of course, the foster care system is often built to *interfere* with bonding; hopefully, you *will* be able to keep this baby for a long time!!)

It is also legal to nurse a foster baby. But it *may* freak out the caseworker. Speak to the caseworker before you do anything. It would be great if the caseworker puts the welfare of the baby before her own prejudices (if any)...

Answer 2

I think this is a tough question. If I had read this before having a baby and breastfeeding, I probably would have said, no way. I honestly don't know why but I can tell you my perspective is completely different now. I say, definitely. The baby is not thriving, has a lot of problems and not only the relationship/bonding of breastfeeding but the nutrition will probably do wonders for her. I don't know if there would be problems legally, but I can say I would do it. Especially if it is long term placement and possibility for adoption. I don't know if it is the actual breastfeeding that people get weirded out about or what but if that is the case, you could also look into getting a nice pump and giving her your breast milk from a bottle. However, if you are doing that, why not just go straight from the breast and have her enjoy that closeness? If you are healthy and able to provide good milk then I don't see a problem. Good luck!

Answer 3

Before I read the whole question I was thinking "no way!" because my neighbor has a 1 yr old foster baby right now and the grandmother of the child wants her so bad, but the state is dragging its feet. I could only imagine being the childs mother or grandmother and hearing that some stranger was developing that type of bond with my child.
HOWEVER after reading the question I see that this is an entirely different situation and I applaud you for being willing to proide your own milk to a child who would benefit from it in such a remarkable way. This baby NEEDS the best nutrition she can get and she was placed with you and you can provide that nutrition... seems like its meant to be. I say YES, nurse that baby and if she won't latch on you could pump and feed her expressed milk.

Finally, Kudos to you for having such a big heart and giving so much of yourself for a child who is not yours. Through watching my neighbor I know that Foster Parenting is expensive, my neighbor pays out twice as much a day or more than what the state gives her and there is no chance this child is adoptable. It is truly a selfless act to be a foster parent in the first place, but to take it a huge step further and provide breast milk to this baby in need is remarkable. Great job mom!

I would suggest getting a medical clearance though, have your blood checked and all. If anyone ever does complain you will have the paperwork to show that you made sure it was medically safe to do before you started.

Answer 4

If this were a different situation, such as you getting a 2 year old who was likely to pass through your home quickly, then the answer would be No, don't do it.

But the situation you've given is heart-wrenching. That baby is in serious danger of dying. Your breast milk is the healthiest thing she can eat right now. The fact that you have the ability to help her in this very unique way makes it perfectly ethical. I honestly doubt the law would frown upon this. Further, you and I both know that babies born addicted to drugs are not easy to place for adoption. She's a special need child and you can fill that need. Feed her like your own and know that everything she drinks from you is going to help her in the long-run. And as you know, her attachment issues will change if you become the one person she can trust to feed her.

On the otherhand, don't be frustrated if she has a hard time nursing. After 3 weeks without it, she's not going to remember how. Be patient with her and don't be afraid to pump some milk and give it to her in a preemie bottle until she gets used to it. Let her play with the nipple when she just needs to suckle and she'll get the hang of it.

BTW, don't feel that you have to "go slowly" out of fear that you'll run out of milk. Your body has the uncanny abiilty to replace every bit that was removed by the baby or babies in just a matter of hours. Your baby won't suffer any ill effects from this and your foster baby will have more than she needs with none going to waste.

Answer 5

I think you need to discuss it with the caseworker and both babies' doctors. If the baby is not going back to her biological mother, it may be OK. However, if there is a chance she will, you may not want go that route. It would bug me to know my baby had been nursed by someone else, but then I would never use drugs, either, so I'm not sure my opinion is at all relevant to your situation.

Do be careful that you don't spread your milk too thin.. you'd have to start off slowly I would think... Also, keep in mind that nursing burns calories for babies too - more than bottle-feeding, I believe. So it may or may not help her put on weight faster than formula.

Cudos to you for being a foster mom and even considering the commitment of a long term placement... much less breastfeeding!

Answer 6

YES!! It is absolutely okay. There is nothing unethical about it. In fact, it would be an incredible act of love, as that is probably exactly what the baby needs. It will help her fight the uphill battle that she has and hopefully, one day, she could possibly be your daughter forever. I would definitely talk to the caseworker first and have it out in the open, but I would go for it 100%. She needs you and you can give her something that most other foster moms cant right now! Somehow I believe that God just works. I believe he has put this little girl in just the right place to get the nurturing that she needs.

Answer 7

dont listen too much to the case worker about legal implications because what they dont know wont hurt them right, im sure you know alot more facts about breast milk than me . our children were breast fed until the ages of about 6 months. i believe that they will be less susceptible to viruses like the flue or measles and be more healthy and active , live longer, be more clever, be stronger and a whole lot more other factors compared to other people who were not breast fed . im sure you know this and agree with me , and on top of all these factors there is a very special bond attained which no "bottle" will ever be able to compromise, all babies need that special bond to feel loved and we both know this baby needs love, so take this decision into your own hands and keep it as a secret if you are worried about "legal implications" the only legal implications i can think of are if the mother of the baby wants the baby back and finds out if you have been breast feeding who is to say how she would react but i am 99% certain there is no case and 99% certain that you have a case

Answer 8

Don't defer to their opinion. There is nothing wrong or sick or even slightly off base with wanting to help an infant that is in need. The child would much prefer a chance at a healthier life than to know that you "followed the rules".

You don't seem like a pedophile, or to have any sexual or misplaced intentions with wanting to breast feed her, and I'm angry that you would even have to question something as basic to survival as this. The people in this world and the US in particular have become far too at ease with placing judgment on others.

I applaud you for taking in this child, and I feel, you should raise the child with the same methods that you use to raise your own. No religion or conservative belief system should try to override natural law.

I would suggest that the baby came to you with perfect timing. You are able to breast feed her, and she needs nutrition and physical contact.

Answer 9

In most cases i would say yes, ie. you were adopting her NOW and you didn't have another infant, but i wouldn't start breastfeeding her. I would worry about any possible dieases or infections she may have contracted during her mothers pregnancy. not to mention what could of been passsed on through birth. You can still give her a bottle, just expose as much skin as you can. I don't know how they can say a 3 week old is showing attachment disorder. I can see it if she was much older, but not at 3 weeks. As far as your legal issue to nurse, i wouldn't advise it. She is still in the states custody.

Answer 10

I don't see why there would be a problem with it, as long as you can handle the demands of nursing two children. And it most certainly can't hurt the baby. Your only doing what you think is best. And if there's an issue with actually breastfeeding, try pumping milk for her and giving it to her in a bottle. No one will know the differance, but you and any one that you tell. Good luck, and best of wishes.