I need help?

Question

OK here is the story. I've been w/this guy for 3 1/2yrs we have a 8mo old together and i want to break up with him. i'm just can't take the way he treats me and i know i should just cut my losses and move on but anyone whos been in a long relationship knows how hard it is.
Its not that i dont love him. Its just the way he is. he acuses me of cheating( i have no social life, work and home thats it) Hes mean. makes me cry. i get yelled at daily. anything i do or say he minipulates it to try and make it sound like i am cheating. i mean anything. I go to the bathroom when i come home for lunch. he says it is because i got to clean myself from having sex at work. I have a desk job and don't move all day.

Well i just need advise on how can i get the strength to break up with him cause i know when i do it is going to get REALLY ugly. He is going to hound me on who am i cheating on him with cause he will think i am breaking up with him to be with someone else. any ideas?

Answer 1

You should not do this alone. My advice is to have someone there for moral support and protection should he take it that badly. The best person would be a brother or your father. If that is not possible any guy that would not make him think this is your new boyfriend but also someone who could protect you.

Answer 2

This is certianly a hard thing to do. First off, you need to keep in your mind "that you do not need this guy, and your life will be 100 times better with out him" Secondly, I would secure a place to move to (friends, family, your own place) This way you don't need to worry about where you are going to once you have broken it off with this guy. Also I would make sure your 8 month old is not there when you do this, (saftey reasons, I don't know this guy but I would if were you feel much better if he had no chance of taking the baby and running out). When you finally break it off, and he hounds about the cheating even though you did and haven't cheated on him, it doesn't matter what he thinks. Once you have broken it off, his acusations are just a thing of the past, and there is no way you are going to change his mind about it.

Well I hope this helps a little. I think no matter what anyone tells you, you are just going to have to front the storm and get it over with, it is going to be hard, but from you have said you are not happy and wont be until you leave him.

Answer 3

You seem like a intelligent woman and you have already made the decisision to leave. I applaud you for not hagging on any longer as you realized that there is no need to continue bieng emotionally and verbally abused. When your partner acuse you of cheating, cahnces are that he is the one cheating and is trying to ivert the attention to you and accuse you of what he is doing (in psycolygy terms this is called Projection).

In addition to al the good advice you have been given here, I will suggest the following. Pack up your stuff and leave with no warning when he is not at home. No drama and no fighting before hand so he won't get suspictious.

Try to go where is not obvious you will go and tell your friends that if he comes looking for you that you wish not to see him and that legal papers will be drawn for child support and visitation, but in the mean time.you need your peace pf mind to do what comes next. Take vacation from work so he doesn't harrass you there. If he becomes violent or is causing scenes at your work place, get a Restraining Order so he backs off. Change your cellphone number and tell your co-workers that you don't wanna see that person. If he starts making scenes don't hesitate to call the police for disturbing the peace, stalking and harrasment.
If you can affor a lawyer get one, so you can tell your ex that any communication in between the two of you will be thru your attorney.
If you just want to get your stuff that couldn;t pack in your bag, contact the Sherriff Department to escort you there so there won;t be any incidents and so he cannot say later that you just stole his stuff. Make an inventory of what;s yours and pictures, just in case he wants to get back at you by destrying or discarding your property.

Be strong, you are doing the right thing for you and your baby. You deserve respect, love and to be happy, so is your baby.

My very best wishes to you.

Answer 4

I am so sorry that you are in this predicament...

You are right though, you need to cut your losses and end it now. No one should be treated the way you are. You deserve better than that. He should be catering to your every need since you gave birth to his child. He should be showing support, gratefulness, and appreciation. Trust me, there are many men out there that will treat you right. Don't waste another second of your life going through this crap. Especially for your child, you don't want him/her to grow up in this kind of relationship.

Unfortunately there will be no easy way to do it. Do you have a family member or close friend you can stay at for a while? What are your living arrangements? I agree with you that he will just freak out, hound you, and who knows what else. Its going to be hell, but the soon you deal with it, the quicker you can move on and provide a loving and healthy environment for yourself and your child.

When you do decide to do it, make sure he has not had any alcohol, just sit him down, and tell him how you feel. You will need to be strong and firm. Take control!!!! Explain the situation and the decision you have taken. The only choice he has is to deal with it... If he really loved you, he would not be doing this...

Good luck and if you need to talk to someone, I'm here...

Answer 5

Last answer pretty much says it. Thiis kind of idiot will hound you. Neither you nor your daughter will ever get free. If he accuses you now, the accusations will be more and more foul later. And if he has a temper (and it sounds like he does), it might get physical.

So you need to decide where to go first. Apply for a job in some other town. Save money for a security deposit and rent. Then, when you are offered a job to go to, disappear.

Don't forget not to leave a paper trail. If you use a credit card that bills to your old address, he'll see the bill and figure out where you are spending money. Then he'll be looking for you there. Use nothing that goes back to the old address.

And, Good Luck

Answer 6

Hi dido45dido,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds really rough.

One thing though, love your self, don't let his way of treating you make you feel inferior.

He's the one with the problem (only by what you tell us), if you have already exhausted all means of trying to get him to be nice to you, like talking to him, having a third party talk to both of you, then the next step is to get some one (a relative or a friend) to support you in your decision to leave him.

Be careful though, this kinds of guys are not easy to quit and usually end up hurting you even more, and not only that, it's a bad think for your daughter to live in such an environment.

Good luck, and hope everything works out ok.

Answer 7

My first suggestion would be to tell him how unhappy you are and maybe suggest some therapy for both of you. I know people generally don't like to go to therapy but it would help give you both piece of mind. You could tell how he makes you feel and he could tell how you make him feel and then you guys could start working on your problems with someone there to mediate. That is where I would start if i loved him. If that fails maybe the two of you are just not compatible and need to start making other living arrangements. It might also be a good idea for you to open up a secret bank account and put some money away for yourself to fall back on. I would exhaust all options before leaving though sometimes people can not see the way they are acting towards another person until they have seen it through someone else's eyes.

Answer 8

You need to leave him and take your daughter with you. Have friends help you. He sounds mentally disabled. He sounds like he could get violent one day and no more you and no more daughter. Be careful. Talk to a friend, co-worker. If he is abusing you, take pictures for proof. You want strength but you have to be the strength...look into your baby's face and imagine all the horrors that await her if you don't leave him. He could hurt you really bad and what kind of defense can you baby have then? Only you can do this...gather strength from friends, family and GOD! Remember the times that you watched the news on television or read in the newspapers about people that b/f or g/f killed the other and their children, use those feelings for strength. Best wishes and take care.

Answer 9

You need to get out NOW! It's just a matter of time before this guy completely cuts you off from your family and friends and starts physically abusing you, if he hasn't already. You don't say he is, but the rest of the story suggests that he is. Do you have money of your own, or credit cards in your name? If so, use them to get yourself out of the home you share with him and to get your own. Even if you don't, call the local women's shelter or a family member or friend first, and stay there until you can find a place for you and your baby.

Don't think this guy will ever change for the better. He will change, but it will be for the worst. He's insecure and unhappy with himself, so he will never be happy or satisfied with you. Don't compound the mistakes you've already made by staying with this guy for another day! Take your baby and start over, but make sure you don't make the same mistake and get another guy with the same or similar issues. Get counseling to find out why you think you deserve to be treated this way. The fact is that your son or daughter will grow up to be in an abusive relationship if you let him or her grow up in one.

Good luck!

Answer 10

I feel like I am reading my own life ( when I was with Chad) ..it is very hard to leave ..( I feel ya there ) But you need to leave before he does some thing else .. I use to be accused of cheating to , I always told him ( if I am going to take the rap for cheating them I might as well cheat) . I left when I found out I was pregnant , he hit me , but I would not allow to hit my child or me any more..I have found it to be 95% true that people you accuses the other of cheating , are the ones cheating .. you need to move out when he is not home .. or have the cops along with you when you do ,., he is going to be very up set ( to say the least).. stand up for your self and do what is right for that baby .. when you leave , leave him a note on the table telling him why .. like I said it is hard to leave ,but once you do and you are settled in your new way of life you will be so happy you are free ..it will take some times to getting use to but you can do it ... you will a better person and your child will see and feel that .. if you ever just need some one to talk to about this feel free to e-mail me .. [e-mail]

Answer 11

No one deserves to be treated this way. He will not change. Get out while you can. His abuse not only hurts you, but your child as well. Your child will grow up thinking this behavior is okay, and it's not. You may need family support or support form a friend. It will get ugly. Usually when a guy acts in this manner, it's because he's the one out doing these things, and his guilty conscience is bothering him. Spend no more time thinking about leaving. When he is out, you and a friend or family member pack up everything you can and just leave. Don't leave a letter. Don't call. If you have a cell phone, change the number. Do what you have to. It may save your life and your child's life. Do it for your baby. Remember this verse: "I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me. Philippians 4:13"